The Other Streets Of Love — Part V: Liffey Street Lower
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My fifth (and not last) lover lasted one summer. We met through a hookup app after I came back from Barcelona. After an evening of watching Seven, we arrived at the moment when Javier gave his apartment keys to me to either crash whenever I wanted or to look after his cat when he was on holiday. (That last part was offered by me, not imposed by him.) Then, after a tattoo session, he called me as boyfriend for the first time.
Javier was older than me and with a mature look. He could look serious at first but he is one of the sweetest and most welcoming people I met in Dublin. Any friend I brought over to his place to meet him left with a smile and felt easy to be around him. We spent most of our time listening to music in his living room, drinking, watching something on the internet and… Enjoying the routine as a healthy couple.
We were honest with each other from the beginning. He was looking for a partner for life, someone who could construct something with him. I was looking for the same, even though I knew at the time that my time in Ireland was ending the following year. However, there was a bigger difference between us: I had just started being non-monogamous and was looking for a polyamorous relationship. He had just left a complicated open relationship. Even though both are distinct, it left him with reasons enough to be regretful and fearful of this kind of commitment.
However, we carried on with it. He accepted me as I were and we had this agreement:
We could live whatever stories we had to live out of the relationship in the way it was needed, respecting each other's presence and space.
He told me several times he was not looking for it and that it would be highly unlikely for him to go out with someone else. On the other hand, I was super open to it. Not looking but open.
The first time I ended up going out with a friend and kissing some people in a club, ended in a discussion over how important the relationship was. How important those people I kissed that night were important and why I was doing that. My answer was: Because I felt like it and I did it.
One of the reasons I am non-monogamous is the fact that I want me and my partners to enjoy and not neglect their desires. It doesn't matter if they are sentimental or sexual. It doesn't matter if they are regular hookups, one-night stands or love interests. I believe that people should not lose an opportunity to live stories that they think it is worth living just because of another person and the social contract they have with other people.
Javier and I thought completely different from each other. Even though, we tried a second time. It was Pride and after hours and hours of drinking from 12 PM, drugs, vaping, dancing, singing, rain, heat, and an after-party until 1 AM with him, I just wanted a shower, my bed and fresh clothes to restart for the next day. I went to bed, happy that he met my friends and my housemates, that everyone went well together, we all had fun, we met some of his friends, we drank at his house and finished the day with a big smile and gratitude for that. I woke up the next morning with the break-up waiting for me.
We talked through the whole thing again and I was seeing that we were in the same loop from the first fight we had. I loved Javier but it was not fair for us to keep trying while we disagreed even though we tried to agree many times. Unfortunately, we had the availability and love but it was our mismatching foundations that were not creating a solid one for us to build something together.
My short time with Javier showed me how much I should be taken care of in the same way I was taking care of people. After the situations in the past, Javier came at a time when I needed to believe in love and trust in people again. I left that relationship with my heart full of care rather than sorrow and regrets. That's when my heart made amends with me and beat the echoes of this new love blooming after years of growing.
