The Other Streets Of Love – Part IV: South William Street
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07th August 2022
From Sergio
To Brutus
"Brutus,
I tried to be cool, tried to be comprehensive, I was patient and condescending with everything I went through with you. I let your stress, sadness, pain, impatience, untruths and traumas be part of me. I loved you and accepted you as I declared since the day we wore those bands: “I accept you as you are and, in that way, we learn with each other.” I thought you valued that and that at least you had the minimum of gratitude and respect.
On the contrary, you attacked me once, you tried to attack me twice, in front of my friends, and you told your circle that I was the one against you. That I called you for a fight in the middle of the street. While it was you, because of a joke that didn’t go well, who set the fist to punch me.
I told you to punch me though, in front of everyone in the bar. Then, you called for a fight on the street and I refused. I said if you wanted to punch me, the moment was that exact one. You went down and started to treat me as you complained about how other exes and hookups treated you.
You humiliated me in front of my two friends, cleaning your salty hands over me after eating, making unsettling jokes and saying that you loved me so much that even then you wanted to fuck with me. After, you try to revert the situation saying that you would never think of hurting me. That you never wanted.
Maybe you forgot about the day you punched me in the ribs, in your living room as you were too stressed with your housemates. Yes, a punch in my ribs that you quickly came with the quick reply that was only trying to call my attention without any reason. Later, you admitted you have anger issues.
You were the classic man reverting all the situation to yourself. You brought me to the edge of a crisis in front of your apartment, saying relationships were like that and we should get better with each other. The next day, after we visited our possible accommodation, I broke up with you. I tell you I didn't feel safe and confident anymore, either because of the aggressions or the complicated relationship with your ex-husband. We hugged, I gave back your things and we departed different ways.
I held myself to talking too much, putting many things out, and opening the discussion with many people because I believed that you deserved the chance of the doubt. I hoped you would realize what did happen and therefore I would finish this chapter symmetrically and fairly.
But you decided to lie. Lied to your housemates and God knows who else. The same way you shared your friends' particular stories at a bar with people you don't even know.
I wish you had sufficient time to realize what is happening, and what you are doing and learn from the situations from last week. I hope your next partner is aware of what you can do. I hope other gay men who go through the same know they are not alone and not wrong to speak up and write about their pain, even though there are others who try to convince them of the opposite. I hope other people have the same support I had with my friends and acquaintances about this story.
Relationships are not about it.
Relationships are about sincere and painless exchanges.
No psychological or physical pain should exist in them.
Yours truthfully,
Sergio Augusto"
It was during a road trip to Belfast that I met Brutus. To explain what Brutus and I had, I translated a letter I wrote after I discovered what Brutus was doing after we broke up.
This letter was supposed to be a kind of exposure about him, revealing everything that happened between us and with witnesses. After careful consideration and advice from friends, I chose to keep this in a draft.
More than two years later, with me closing this chapter in Dublin, I believe it’s more than time to reveal these feelings that got buried for being scared of retaliation.
I wish you had found love for yourself again, Brutus.
