Day 2: You Can “Do Good” Anywhere

Sheryl Sandberg, Global Leadership Summit 2017

10:00AM

“Ezra.”

“Yes?”

“I quit today.”

…

This was the start of arguably the most difficult conversation I’ve had in the last year. I was speechless. Honestly, his decision made sense, but it still hurt.

Admittedly, this wasn’t the most traumatic experience I’ve gone through. But it still brought up some scary memories. It triggered a theme of loss in my life, because one of my dearly respected co-workers, who I have come to see as my friend, has just told me that he’s leaving the company. I couldn’t help but spend a few minutes afterward plummeting down memory lane.

Being fired.

Losing friends.

Losing family.

The next few minutes post-conversation would prove to be really important. Call me selfish, but my friend was moving on to “better” things, but I was being “left behind” to ponder what’s next — for him and for me.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, is no stranger to traumatic events. Her husband died immediately and unexpectedly of heart-failure while they were on a family vacation. At the Summit, she was interviewed by Bill Hybels, and she shared her experience of responding to trauma, and planning her next steps.

In bearing the traumatic loss of her husband, Sandberg learned something profound:

“You can do good anywhere that you can see an opportunity to grow, or create, goodness.” — Sheryl Sandberg

Sandberg has tried her hand in numerous vertical markets, most reputably in government and tech, and she believes that there’s always an opportunity to grow if you’re willing to look for it. This is how she describes “PTG” (Post Traumatic Growth). She relates it to how we understand “PTSD” (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), that “PTSD” is something that needs to be treated; but “PTG” is something that needs to be pursued. How do we pursue growth amid traumatic experiences? Pursue joy.

Trauma is something that I’m familiar with — on both physical and emotional levels. It’s the kind of jarring experience that can unnerve even the most stable people. If we respond to trauma well enough, then we can use it to shape perspective and save ourselves from sweating the small stuff. The best way to practice growth, as Sandberg describes it, is to pursue joy by having conversations. I couldn’t agree more. I look back at my own traumatic experiences, and if I had recognized that I needed to have more healthy conversations, then I would have been far more encouraged to heal. Sandberg urges us to compliment the “purpose of conversation”, because it can serve as an early-indicator of growth (or detriment) for our loved ones who are hurting.

So what’s this “purpose of conversation” that helps us get through traumatic events, and how does it actually bring us joy? The truth is, I can’t actually define it. What I can do, though, is equip you with the mindset that can help you shape that purpose for yourself (or others). One of the worst things that Sandberg heard from people, even people she thought were her friends, was, “It’s too sad to be around you.” She uses that example to show how significant it is for us to exercise grace. We need to honor the context of their emotions, empathizing that they are going through hard-times. Especially if they’re making efforts to better themselves (a new job, new hobbies, new look), we need to have regular conversations with them to make sure that their “moves” are intentional and purposeful. It’s not good enough to just ask “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help”. You have to just show up and do something specific for them — it’s that easy. Religious people will tell you that the pursuit of God will undoubtedly yield joy in the comfort of His love. For the less religious, you can trust that the love of family and friends can bring you joy as their support propels you through the healing process.

What I really took away from Sandberg is that conversations give us an opportunity to speak candidly, “candid” being the operative word. During the interview, Sandberg said that one of the biggest reasons people really quit is because everyone is aware of problems that exist within an organization, but no one says anything. In the case of my co-worker, things got pretty hostile towards the end. That tells me that no-one had an opportunity to be candid (or no one was listening) until the top blew off the kettle.

So what did I learn today, as I apply Sheryl Sandberg’s advice? Two things:

1. I need to do something specific for my co-worker. Lunch. Happy Hour. Gifts. Something intentional that is meaningful between us.
2. I need to pursue joy. Employees that quit for unresolved issues can darken morale around an office, and I have to decide not to let any seeds plant a poisonous bitterness within my current role. I need to take ownership of my opportunity to speak-up when I see a problem. That way I can stay happy where I work and stay in front of any potential problems.

Thought Starters:

• How do you pursue joy when times are hard?
• Who’s in your network that you turn to for healthy-conversations?

Ezra’s 10-Day Leadership Plan.

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