Befriend Solitude and It Will Befriend You
How to find company in moments of solitude?
Every day’s life forces us to live as fragments of identity, where we are here a sister, there a lover, at work a professional, maybe a boss or an intern, but never able to live as a whole. Then come the moments of solitude, to assemble the shattered pieces of our chaotic selves and draw the whole image of our oneness.
We get so busy chasing a life that we often forget exactly what we are looking for. Then comes the solitude, again, reminding us to stop following the herd and stand out from the crowd. It approaches us to drop the veil between who we truly are and how we want others to perceive us.
Entering adulthood made me pause a little to worship solitude and appreciate its companionship. I may have learned it the hard way, but what matters is that I did.
I’ve learned that solitude is not being alone; it is enjoying our own company. It is not being detached, but fully connected to ourselves. It is not cutting others off, but deeply communicating with ourselves.
Because, how can we appreciate others’ company if we cannot enjoy our own? And how will we face others’ cruelty if we cannot acknowledge our own demons?
I’ve learned to rely on solitude to enter my own mind and discover my hidden secrets, because how else would we know who we are and who we want to be?
I’ve learned to seek inspiration in solitude, because when will it be better to capture one’s thoughts and feelings other than when alone?
I’ve learned to make friends in solitude so that I can befriend my mind and body, everything in and around me.
I’ve also learned that;
Solitude teaches us to fight.
Solitude makes us grow.
Solitude frees us.
We try to fight it; but the truth is, we are just fighting ourselves.
We try to grow beyond it; but the truth is, it is the one pushing us to grow.
We try to be free of it; but the truth is, it is the kind of freedom we are looking for.
Let us take some time to reflect on ourselves. When did we learn something we have always wanted to learn? When did we achieve a goal we’d been working so hard to achieve? When did we last use the skin care products we expensively bought a while ago? When did we last practice a hobby we had always dreamed of earning millions of dollars from?
Let us recall the last time we were at our most inventive, the last time we got so productive that we actually finished our to-do list for the next week, the last time we talked for hours on the phone to revive an old friendship or to help a close friend.
Wasn’t it all a while being alone?
However, it is not uncommon for challenges to merge in solitude; memories of pain, emptiness of self, and triggered trauma all manifest themselves in our safest haven; home.
In fact, the disruptive noise we hear is our unspoken words and unexpressed feelings pacing the walls of the house, looking for a way out.
The delusional ghost whose presence we feel is what was lurking in the attic of our minds, now sitting on the kitchen table.
The broken mirror hung on the bathroom wall is the shame we feel for being alone with our own reflections.
The unsteady ladder standing in the backyard is our only way to get out of the chaos we’ve been trapped in.
The high-pitched sound we hear is the shortness of our breath, running away from solitude.
And the closed door is the mysterious gate separating our inner world from the outer world. So if we cannot go outside, we should just stay inside. In our safe place, where solitude is our unique space in which we can pull together all the scattered fragments of our identity.
Therefore, learning to embrace solitude is not an easy process, but the moment we stop running away from it, we will acknowledge its great power and undeniable impact on us.
And at this moment, we will realize that solitude is not the contagious feeling of being alone; it is the physical manifestation of our identity as a whole and the acknowledgement of ourselves as our best ally, not our worst enemy. The ally who never left our side.
At this exact same moment, we will pay attention to him, get acquainted with him, and try to get to know him better. We will then understand that the echo of the emptiness we confess is actually the echo of his wheezy voice, trying to reach us. The pain of isolation we endure is actually the pain of our bleeding ears trying to ignore him. And the weight of sadness we feel is actually the weight of our harsh words, which strike like rocks trying to shut him up.
And still, he never left our side…
The end.
