Start Small. Start Strong.
People crave community, especially with how remote our world has become. 59% of U.S. churchgoers say they participated in or led a church small group in 2020 and 81 million churchgoers are in at least one small group.
But starting a small group can be intimidating, especially if your church is just starting them or if you’ve never led one in the past. Thankfully, there’s a wealth of tools and resources to help people create and lead successful small groups.
With years of experience leading small groups and growing church communities centered around small groups, we wanted to share what we’ve found to be the top three things that will help you create a welcoming environment and start your small group off on the right foot.
Food and Drink
The first thing is pretty easy. Food.
Food and drink have the uncanny ability to bring people together, introverts and extroverts alike, quite literally. As an introvert myself, I can attest to how hard it is to hide in a dark corner alone when the food is in the middle of the room. Not to mention, having to move to get said food brings us introverts within reach of all the extroverts looking to meet new people. I’ve made many a friend while filling my plate with bread and cheese at a small group meeting. Even if your small group is completely composed of extroverts, food is also a great way to prevent people from getting too hangry if they’ve come straight from work.
It doesn’t need to be a four-course meal or even a meal at all. When Jesus fed the masses, it was bread and fish, not a feast. A contemporary version of this can be as simple as a couple of bags of chips and pretzels, maybe some carrots and celery. Not only is it relatively inexpensive, but not providing anything too complex will save the leaders precious time.
Don’t feel the need to provide all the food yourself though. See if your church provides a stipend for small groups. Alternatively, reaching out to your small group and organizing a potluck is also a great way to create a sense of ownership with your members and get to know each other better.
It doesn’t need to be complicated either. No multiplying miracles needed! Simply ask people to bring something for the next week as you’re wrapping up your meeting and then follow up midweek electronically. You can send an email blast, a smoke signal, a dozen texts, or if your church is on Togather, drop a message in your group chat and ask people to bring their favorite Taco Tuesday item.
DEIB (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Belonging) Isn’t Just for the Workplace
Your small group should be diverse, both in demographics and in life stages. If you were to take a poll of your small group and ask “what do you have in common with the rest of the group,” there shouldn’t be just one answer (yes, this is the one church setting where “Jesus” isn’t the right answer. More on this later.)
Your members should be able to rattle off a list of commonalities, everything from “Jane and I are majoring in the same thing at school,” to “Orlando, Sonya, and I all decided to join the welcome team next month,” and “Lee and I exchanged family recipes for the best soup dumplings,” and on and on.
Few things are as alienating as being the only woman in a room of men, or the sole college student in a group of people already halfway through their careers. Having a mix of ages, genders, races, and backgrounds increases the ways that people are able to relate to each other’s commonalities and learn from each other’s differences. And while few groups (in or out of a church setting) are going to be able to have a truly diverse mix of people, trying to mirror your church’s demographics is a good start.
Ideally, your small group should be big enough that everyone has at least 2–4 other people that they can relate to or identify with, but also not so large that it breaks into cliques. (Check out our article on Big Things to Avoid When Starting a Small Group on what to do when a small group gets too big).
Remember when we said that this was the one place where “Jesus” wasn’t the answer? Here’s why we said that: In the beginning, your small group is going to ultimately consist of people who go to the same church. After all, its creation is most likely stemming out of a larger community wanting to invest in intentional one-on-one time. But as your small group grows, so will its reach. Current members will start to invite their friends from work or school, and those friends might not necessarily be believers. Small groups should also be a community that welcomes non-believers who are curious or interested.
Regardless of if it’s just members of your church or a mixture of nonbelievers and believers, there are going to be awkward moments and not everyone is going to be best friends with everyone; it’s just the nature of people. But ultimately, small groups are places where you get to find common ground among one another. You’re able to enter into community and celebrate the different experiences, insights, and humor each person brings to the group. Small groups should be about choosing and learning from relationships and community–not finding your clone.
Create Safe Spaces and Genuine Appreciation for Each Other
Last, but certainly not least: focus on making your small group a place where people feel safe to open up and share. It doesn’t matter if your small group is all introverts or extroverts, or if everyone bonded over a shared love of Dungeons and Dragons. Your small group will quickly fall apart and hurt people if it turns into a judgemental environment.
A nonjudgmental safe space is critical for growth (in all aspects of life, not just small groups). People need space to just be, without being judged, feeling like they need to be something to be accepted, or feeling pressured to change.
Growth won’t happen in a week, a month, or even a year in some cases. It sounds cliche, but we’re all different people with different backgrounds and different healing and growth methods. Some will want to share their struggles and want advice. Just make sure to give it lovingly and not throw it at them as soon as they finish talking.
And some will just want to listen and soak everything in. In this case, don’t call on them and put them on the spot; instead, make it a point to seek them out before or after the meeting and get to know them better. Your ultimate goal should be to create a space where members know they’re safe and can grow in community, if they so choose to, and at a pace they feel comfortable.
Starting a small group is a big undertaking and can be daunting. But we hope these tips make it less so. Check out our article Three Things to Avoid When Building Small Groups for tips on what to avoid as you build your small group and A Small Group Toolbox, which has three necessary people you need for a successful small group.
This article was originally written by Aspen Lenzen for the Togather resource library. Togather is a ChurchOS for leader tools that grow your church through small group engagement and management revolutionizing church connection and retention. Learn more at gettogather.co.
