It’s a funny word. What is? Yet. Why? I mean, you have ‘not yet’. But you don’t have just ‘yet’. On its own. Yeah you do. Yet he was still in the shot, ruining my photo. Yet the Idiot with the red trousers wouldn’t move. That’s a different yet. That…

I actually enjoyed the new Ghostbusters. Let me start with that, but today, even though it’s cold, I’m wearing a running vest. I’m not playing. I hope steam comes off me when I stop because that looks cool. I check my Garmin 630 running watch. I’m roughly on schedule. …

Is that car on the right side of the road or am I on the wrong side? Didn’t matter. He couldn’t lose his licence again. He could probably ramp over it. He squinted. Where was he? And what the hell was that smell? Oh yeah, he was covered in vomit…

Am I a racist? Of course not but damn, those Asians sure were taking a lot of photos. Nah, that’s not racism. It’s stereotyping people. Still bad. I’ve got to stop doing that. I put the copy of the Daily Mail I’d been reading back on the pile. Outside the…

Lazarus Beaumont is wearing his new watch. It cost him nearly £9000 because it is made of gold in Switzerland and it has diamonds on the numbers. The shop he bought it from had a doorman. He is watching the presentation but he doesn’t really understand the presentation. He can’t…

“Get up and walk around in a circle!” Shouted Dom Joly through the megaphone. Some did as told but most of the people who had found a seat didn’t move because the joke, if that’s what it was, had worn as thin as the slick of sweat which coated Dom’s…

Claire stared at the golden lumps. Japanese mackerel. I mean, it’s gonna be smelly. With the hot oil. But the way her friends had grimaced when they arrived. Claire apologised that the food she was cooking smelled of cooking food. It was Bob, the paralysed-from-the-waist-down comedian who had actually first…

Ben stopped his rushing past. Three times in his life he’d gone down this route to his new flat and he now realised each time the old guy had been there. He looked around then approached. “Hello,” he said. He was waiting for one of two reactions. Either the old…

Craig looked down. Jesus, he was covered but that had been… WOW! I spunked! He texted. After pressing send he immediately regretted the exclamation mark. Sounded weird. Too excited. Ah well. While his heart began winding down he waited for Amanda to confirm that she too was having a massive…