For Activists — Your Existence Is Your Resistance
This post is the second in a series called “For Activists”. Read the first post here: For Activists — Normal Person Actions You Can Radicalize
This post will go into detail on Doing Things — this post owes a lot of inspiration to blogs like UnfuckYourHabitat.com and HowtoGrowUpandActLikeAnAdult, as well as YouTube channels and other things.
Doing things — Eating, drinking, sleeping, walking/riding/rolling/moving, going to parks, visiting our favorite places with our friends, communities and families and friends do things, starting projects, sometimes finishing projects, and other things that constitute this beautiful mystery of living
Content Warning: Mention of mental illness symptoms — including eating disorder, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and suicide mention
Disclaimer — food and eating advice is below. **DANGER**THIS IS NOT A DIET**DIETS ARE 100% NOT EFFECTIVE FOR LONG-TERM WEIGHT LOSS**LOSING WEIGHT IS LINKED TO HEALTH PROBLEMS NOT HEALTH BENEFITS***DO NOT DIET JUST LIVE A LIFE PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU**** /endrant
As a person ~in recovery~/~#LivinWith not #SufferinUnder~ an eating disorder, the following advice is synthesized from what was recommended to me by medical professionals through a treatment program.
I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.
Do not make significant changes to your lifestyle — including food, eating, exercising, and other choices like substance or medication use — without consulting a medical professional. Doctor, therapist, nutritionist, whatever. You must use words with a real licensed professional before following any food advice, okay? Okay.
DO NOT TRUST GOOGLE. Go to a real life doctor if you can afford it/look for local free or sliding-scale clinics! DO NOT just take advice from strangers on the internet!
Now onto advice from a stranger on the internet…sigh…just bear with me, its funny, i promise!
1. How to do things — your existence is your resistance
It’s important in horrifying political times like these to focus a majority of your energy inward. You have to take care of yourself.
In a culture that wants me — a fat, femme, disabled, part-time working, can’t-get-a-mortgage-broke, living paycheck to paycheck but living loud and proud with my wife and two cats and good friends and chosen family — to hate myself? Loving myself is radical.
In a culture that wants me — a woman — to think less of myself, to stay quiet, to not bother the boss, to not interrupt the men, to not bother anyone, to keep myself compact and inoffensive and polite and charming and sexy — but NOT SLUTTY, aka get f*****d by dudes but DON’T enjOY or WAnt it [and people wonder why there’s rape culture on college campuses…ok] — I, as a woman, am loud. That makes me a radical.
It makes me a feminist, but if I’m an intersectional feminist, if I bring my trans and queer and genderfluid and black and brown and Latin@ and immigrant and undocumented and ALL THE OTHER FRIENDS with me, then that makes me a revolutionary.
So — lets talk about self care. Self care = taking care of yourself BECAUSE if you don’t you’ll burn out and get sad and stop being quite as bright, shiny and awesome.
This idea is described in communities like #self-care, body acceptance and body love movements, and radical self-love communities on tumblr and YouTube.
It was because of these communities + the awesome treatment program I entered + my team of medical professional (therapists, medication nurse, etc.) that I survived the horrible, grotesque exaggeration of awful year that was 2016.
Prince? David Bowie? Both? How could my tender queer heart take it?? :( :( :(
I was horribly depressed for much of the year. Like, if you imagine mental illness is kind of like physical illness, in that it is real and I can’t pray, meditate, talk, exercise, diet, or smile my way out of it, like, I don’t know, let’s say, cancer.
I had like — the worst cancer. Like, throat + mouth + esophogus + stomach cancer. All at once.
I was that kind of sick. Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder (sometimes sad, sometimes crazed and insomniatic, always hating myself), and an eating disorder…I was not doing so hot, y’all. Not…too…good.
Since, if I’m being totally honest, since September of 2014.
There were ups and downs — I had a decent job, made good friends, lost some connections but also did some cool things — 2014–2016.
But…overall, it was cloudy, grey skies and self-loathing, social anxiety, and starvation in the forecast.
I quit my job in April 2016. I quit my job because…my new boss — who hated me, for some reason — bullied me when I entered treatment for my eating disorder.
So…that sucked. Pretty hard. Didn’t enjoy that much.
But then — 5 weeks later, I started the summer in “recovery” — I learned to eat like a human, found I enjoyed being a human, and so I was like “okay see you latah” to my eating disorder. [His name is E.d. He looks like Charles Emerson Winchester III from M*A*S*H. Just fyi]
I started school in August — so awesome!! — but got overwhelmed and had to drop out of half my classes. #whoops #thatmillenniallife #schoolcanbereallyhardthough When depression and anxiety at school hit, that made it harder to manage the eating disorder. Eating less effectively made it harder to go to class and deal with said social anxiety, and all the while I just like, really hated myself.
Like thought I deserved to die. I fantasized about a car crash, a blackness, and not having to face the mentors I’d someday disappoint. I dreamed dark, murky, drowning dreams and awoke panicked not by the thought of drowning, but by realizing I still in fact had to go to class tomorrow. I couldn’t call in dead.
Imagined jumping off my balcony. Wondered if the fall would be too long, and I would regret it…and…yeah.
Mental health is scary, amirite?
SCARY, RIGHT???
That’s why we — the psychiatrically disabled — never talk about it.
But — we can manage. Some of us live very full and rich and complex and nuanced lives. Some with families and partners. My wife and I put up with each other. I even have a few good friends.
So the following series of posts compose a series I’m calling #LiteralLifehacks.
What do I mean by #LiteralLifehacks?
Well, imagine lifehack listicles and online videos that have been floating around in the last 2 or 3 years. You know, like this one:
Or this one:
Now imagine that you use those nifty, quirky, handy tricks to keep yourself alive.
Cool — now you’re in my head.
I treated my eating disorder by learning a new equation, that was all. My old equation was ineffective, because of sexism and other boogeys, but the new equation is neutral and based in reality:
Breakfast + snack + lunch + snack + dinner + dessert = happy Hannah
Happy Hannah is great. Her poops are regular, she has energy throughout the whole day, she accomplishes tasks and doesn’t fight unfairly with her wife.
I mean, we do fight. It’s just healthy, therapist-approved style fighting. With our words. Like adults. #adulthood #relationshipsareeasy #justuseyourwords #useyourwordsgetlaid #easymillenniallifemotto
So it was easy for me, after 5 weeks in treatment (it only takes 4–7 weeks to makes something a habit, according to nifty books like The Power of Habit), to realize that this habit should be one I keep.
Eating every day, I thought curiously to myself in my second week of treatment, makes me feel good.
Hmm…
I like feeling good…so…Eating every day…Okay. I guess so. Sounds good.
— E.d. exits, stage left —
That may seem silly if you don’t have an eating disorder.
That’s okay, I’m happy your life is easy for you #jokes, I’m gonna continue to take care of myself, even if it makes me “look funny” or “seem weird”.
Because I’d rather be weird and alive than popular, well-spoken of, and dead by suicide. #realoclock #sorry
Take a mental break and smile at this photo of my friends cheering for me and my wifey on our wedding day this past July:
So when I say #LiteralLifehacks — I mean, I literally used these simple choices and easy-to-accomplish goals — in small steps, over time, with dedication and patience — to hack my way into not wanting to die anymore.
Can YOU cure YOUR mental illness with the right diet, like this one?
Of course not. Sorry, but no. No way. Not even a little. Sorry…but no.
I didn’t cure my mental illness. I just learned how to live with it so I could be a person. When I was my most sick, I was suffering under my mental illnesses, being defined by them, limited by them.
But now I’m better. Than I was. At least for now.
So here’s how you can try and replicate my success in your own life, with your own routines and habits and hopes and attentions and monies.
Please leave a comment if you have any additional suggestions — we need to build each other up at all times, and that means being humble and generous with our knowledge and learning. imo. #pedagogyoftheoppressed
We need you. We need you at your best.
So focus on self-care! Here’s how I take care of myself in little and big ways every day:
- eat breakfast.
- hydrate. i don’t care how many glasses or ounces, just drink enough that you pee a light yellow regularly, not dark yellow/brown/extra smelly and infrequently [always see a doctor/emergency room if you are peeing dark brown or blood. also if you are pooping blood, pass out in any way, have severe and sudden stomach pain or any kind of pain, dizzyness/blurred vision/slurred words/memory loss/sudden, unexplained, drastic mood swings or violent episodes. at least call an emergency room/urgent care clinic and talk to a nurse.]
- eat breakfast? that does NOT mean a full platter at Denny’s, as big meals in the morning make my tummy sad. i don’t know about you, but you got eat intuitively — when you’re hungry, eat until you’re full.
so i wake up early enough that i have time to eat 3 things over the course of 1 or 1 1/2 hrs.
1 grain — toast, cereal, oatmeal, whatever.
1 protein — 2 eggs, milk/soy milk/protein shake, beans, lentils, meat.
1 vegetable or fruit — apple, orange, carrot, radishes, leftover sweet potato fries, banana, maybe a smoothie if i’m feeling bold - make sure you wake up early enough to eat breakfast and get ready adequately. i need 2 hrs. so i know when i have to leave the house, i set my alarm for 2.5 hours before that. if i need to i hit sleep knowing i have time to. i get up min 1 hr before i have to leave so i have 1 hr to — eat, pack lunch/snacks, make/drink coffee, get dressed + pack my bag for the day, do hair/makeup, wash face + brush teeth. that’s 1 hr for me. any other time is just leisure time to stretch or read the paper.
figure out your own schedule and then start sticking to it. - eat snacks throughout the day. i try and eat every 2–4 hours, alternating between meals (3–5 foods) and snacks (1–3 foods). This equals 3 squares + 2 snacks + 1 dessert I get to eat everyday. THAT’S SO MUCH FOOD Y’all. I never have to feel deprived or hungry and bonus — I’m happier, healthier and more productive.
- try and balance grains, proteins, fats (oil, butter, grease, etc. — you need these to absorb critical vitamins AND they make you feel full and happy), and fruits and vegetables.
snacks are tastier AND more efficient fuel if they are two different foods at once. things like — carrots with hummus, veggies with dip, apple with peanut butter, crackers with spread, cottage cheese and pear, cheese and apple (so i’m told…personally i’m dubious), you get the idea. - hydrate. water is good, but tea is just leaf water and coffee is just bean water and juice is just sugary fruit water, so don’t beat yourself up if you’d rather have an iced tea than a glass of plain water. no worries.
- don’t forget to pee and poop enough! you should poop at least once per day. if you do not you a) must be living in a nightmare and b) need more fiber and less starch in your diet, like yesterday. more fruits and veg and wheat grains (not white grains), and less processed foods and red meats. I’m so serious right now, you should be pooping AT LEAST ONCE PER DAY.
- do yourself another favor and start to wean yourself off additives like sugar, sugar substitute, cream, etc. [those things aren’t BAD, they just a) make it harder for you to enjoy coffee in random places, like around a campfire and b) are things you’re putting into your body, so they deserve some attention. example — i always used to put two full spoonfuls of honey in my tea because i like it sweet. turns out, i like it even better with just 1 packet of sugar substitute and twice as much water as the package directions recommend. this means my jar of iced tea powder lasts me even longer, and i save money on honey by switching to sugar substitute packets and buying them cheap somewhere like Aldi]
- sleep enough. that’s it y’all. that’s the big secret. sleep enough hours.
- read something you enjoy reading once per day, every day. whether its one or two articles in a magazine, 4 mins scrolling through Twitter, 20 mins with the local paper over breakfast, a novel before bed, whatever. read. read lots. read voraciously. read books by people exactly like you. read books by people nothing like you. read something different once a month. read something by a black woman once a week. read something by a trans, queer, person of color once every day. read something you disagree with once or twice every. single. day.
I would call this both civic duty — stay engaged y’all — and self care AND EVEN radical acts of resistance if you are intentionally diversifying your knowledge. If you start sharing those people and voices and stories/giving them money you are now living your values, my friend! Look how easy that was! [for more tips like this, check out the next installment of this series later in March]
- have community and connections — more on that later, but always always always strive to make sure you have friends you talk to occasionally though. science and psychology and therapists would all back me up on this. find your family and reach out to them regularly. texts/calls/facebooks/tweets/snapchats/phone calls/snail mail/long distance book clubs/anything you can afford to do to talk to your people — do it. do it often. they want to hear from you as much as you want to reach out. trust me.
- make sure to get enough sleep. depending on your age and body, could be anywhere from like 7 hours to like 12. so figure it out, and then stick to it. that’s the bummer about adult life — yeah you don’t ‘have to have’ a bedtime…but you should. sorry.
- outside/plants/flowers/nature/animals are good. invest in them however you can and spend time with them every day. seriously. do it. everyone would back me up, again. its good. adopt a pet, get a fish, plant a garden, buy a potted geranium and put it on your window, move near a lake, go to the beach with friends during the summer, whatever you can do = do it.
- laugh lots. i like to go places to harvest laughs, like i’ll go to tumblr, or to web comics, and totv shows like Broad City, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Community, and YouTube videos of cats like this one:
- sleep around the same time every day. your body’s sleep cycle works best if you are getting up and going to sleep within a 2 hr window every day. for me, i try and wake up between 7 and 9am and go to bed — since I need 9–10 hrs of sleep a night to be my best — between 9PM and midnight every night. every night. or else i’m groggy/grumpy/lazy/sleepy/just not as cool as usual the next day.
- so set yourself a bedtime and stick to it
- SHARE RESOURCES. was this article helpful? share it to your facebook. read a great news story that makes you smile? email it to your mom or best friend or husband. Laugh out loud at a funny video or Onion article? Facebook it to your besties and cackle using emoticons and hashtags #JokesViaTypingGetRealFunny #InsideJokesHappenInTexts #WhoStoleMyTeacupPig??
Please follow me on social media @hannahtehgopher — twitter/Facebook/tumblr/Medium.com
Share this if you found it helpful, hit the little heart if you want me to feel good about myself.
Stay tuned — there’s more posts to come in this series — For Activists — Your Existence Is Resistance — TO COME IN MARCH — Consuming Things + Spending Money + Community & Connections & Networks That Build Power
❤ Hannah — make it a great day, in peace and in power.
P.s. I’m also currently fundraising with my wife to buy our dream artists commune! I have friends lined up to be my roommates, plans to turn the garage into a gallery/workshop space, and lots more exciting ideas. Click here to learn more and donate if you can!
