Husband Is Dismissive Of My Feelings (What to Do When Your Husband Dismisses Your Feelings)

Harlow Kira
6 min readMar 31, 2024

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Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

Today, I want to dive into a topic that hits close to home for many of us: dealing with a husband who dismisses our feelings. I get it; it’s like trying to communicate with a brick wall, and trust me, you’re not alone. So often, I hear from people who are frustrated, confused, and downright tired of not being heard by their significant other. If you’re nodding your head right now, stick around because we’re going to tackle this together.

I recently got a heartfelt email from a woman named Jane who was at her wit’s end. She told me that Anthony, her husband of six years, seemed to have a PhD in the art of brushing off her emotions.

Jane shared an incident that had become the tipping point. It was a Saturday morning, and she was buzzing with excitement about an idea for a home renovation project. She couldn’t wait to share it with Anthony, hoping for that infectious enthusiasm that would make them dive into the project together. But when she spilled the details, Anthony barely glanced up from his newspaper, muttering a half-hearted “sounds okay” without missing a beat.

As she recounted the story, I could feel the frustration and hurt in her words. It wasn’t just about the renovation project; it was about the constant undercurrent of dismissal that had been eroding their connection. Jane’s emotions had been discounted so many times that they were now teetering on the edge of a precipice.

The breaking point came when she opened up about a personal struggle. She’d lost her job, and the waves of uncertainty were crashing over her. She expected comfort, a listening ear, maybe a reassuring touch. Instead, Anthony breezed through it with a casual “you’ll find something else.” It was like pouring her heart into an abyss, and the silence that followed was deafening.

In her email, Jane asked me a question that echoed the desperation in her heart: “Husband Is Dismissive Of My Feelings. What to do when your husband dismisses your feelings? How do you make someone understand the weight of your emotions when they’re so adept at brushing them aside?”

Jane isn’t the only one who’s been on this rollercoaster. So, if you’re nodding your head, thinking, “Oh boy, that’s me,” buckle up. We’re about to explore some tried-and-true strategies to shake things up and bring a breath of fresh air into your emotional connection.

1. Communication is Key (But, Seriously, It Is!)

Let’s start with the basics — communication. It’s like the bread and butter of any relationship, right? But here’s the catch: effective communication is an art, not just a mundane exchange of words. When your partner seems to be brushing off your feelings, it’s time to up your communication game.

Sit down with your hubby, away from the TV, phone, or any other distractions. Create an environment where both of you can talk openly without feeling rushed or unheard. Now, use “I” statements to express your emotions. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when…” This subtle shift can make a world of difference.

Think of this as laying the groundwork for a sturdy relationship. Like any construction project, it starts with a solid foundation — in this case, the foundation is built on clear, honest, and respectful communication.

2. Paint a Vivid Picture of Your Feelings

Ever tried describing your emotions in technicolor detail? It’s like upgrading from black and white to high definition. Sometimes, our partners dismiss our feelings because they can’t fully grasp the depth of what we’re going through.

So, when you’re pouring out your heart, don’t just stick to the basics. Dive into the details. Instead of saying, “Work was tough today,” try, “Today felt like I was juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. It was chaotic, and I could really use your support right now.”

By adding layers to your emotional narrative, you’re giving your partner a front-row seat to your feelings. It’s harder to dismiss something when you can see it vividly, right?

3. Timing is Everything (No, Seriously, It Is!)

Timing can make or break a conversation. Ever tried discussing something important when your partner is engrossed in a movie or deeply involved in a project? Not the best idea. Choose your moments wisely.

Pick a time when both of you can be fully present, free from external distractions. Avoid tackling sensitive topics when tensions are high or when either of you is stressed. The goal is to create a safe space for open dialogue, where both voices are heard and valued.

Think of this as planting seeds of communication in fertile soil. The right timing ensures that your words have the best chance of taking root and blossoming into understanding.

4. Appeal to His Empathy (Yes, He Has It!)

Now, let’s tap into the superpower that resides in all of us — empathy. Sometimes, our partners don’t fully grasp the impact of their actions until we put it in terms they can relate to. Appeal to their emotions by helping them see the world through your eyes.

Ask them to imagine themselves in your shoes. For example, say, “Imagine if you had a terrible day at work, and you really needed someone to talk to. How would you feel if I just brushed it off or wasn’t fully present?” By appealing to their empathetic side, you’re creating a bridge of understanding.

Consider this as unlocking a secret door to deeper connection. Empathy is the key that opens the door to mutual understanding and support.

5. Find Common Ground (We’re All Human, After All!)

We’re all human, right? Remind your partner of that fact. Find common ground by discussing the importance of mutual support and understanding in a relationship. Emphasize that both of you have feelings, and both are valid.

Acknowledge that, as a team, you’re navigating the ups and downs of life together. Highlight the shared goal of creating a supportive environment where both partners feel heard and valued.

Think of this as crafting a joint mission statement for your relationship. Finding common ground ensures that you’re both on the same page, working towards a shared vision of emotional connection.

Relationships are complex, messy, and beautiful. When your husband dismisses your feelings, it can feel like a storm in the middle of your sunny day. Remember, relationships are a journey, not a destination.

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Harlow Kira

Experienced marriage counselor, guiding couples through challenges to rediscover joy and intimacy. Committed to building resilient partnerships.