Being in a relationship that just works made me realize how much energy my previous ones took

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I’ve been a fighter for as long as I can remember. I used to fight for my rights, against injustice in the lives of myself and others, and for every bad relationship I was in.

I didn’t give up — even if it made me exhausted, sick, or broke.

I took great pride in my perseverance and courage to push against difficulties.

But, if only I had known better…

Thankfully, I do now. Namely, I figured out the concept of compatibility.

As Deb Caletti said,

Which doesn’t mean you get away without…

If you have that, it should be safe to walk down the aisle.

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No relationship is 100% perfect. And being too demanding is not only naive, but can also leave one to spend their old age alone. I’ve got an immediate family member who’s past 70 now, and she’s still looking for Mr. Right.

But there are a few key characteristics that a truly good relationship should exhibit. I’d even consider them non-negotiables.

They are the pillars that have supported the marriage of my parents for 35 years.

They are the things that made my engagement thrive despite me often being 8,000 miles away from my fiancée.

Quite frankly, those things define every…

Job security and fulfillment are different things.

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“Study in a respected university,” they said. “Then you can land a safe job and build a great career,” they said.

Well, I did.

I graduated from a university that — according to the QS World University Rankings — belongs to the TOP 1.2% of the world’s best universities. Both of my parents had gone to the same university and gotten their degrees from it, so I had been really eager to follow their footsteps. It had been a matter of continuing the family tradition, so to say.

I had also been brainwashed to think that obtaining higher education would…

I humbly present to you the best examples of my stupidity in their full glory — so that you know what to avoid

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I graduated from a university that — according to the QS World University Rankings — belongs to the TOP 1.2% of the world’s best universities. As an alumnus of that university, getting employed wasn’t hard. With my degree in health sciences, I soon landed a safe job in a respected hospital. And this gave me early access to a decent salary.

Making wise financial decisions, however, was an entirely different ordeal.

I made a lot of mistakes. Listing them all would be, well, too much. So, I selected the three I regret the most:

1. Using too much of what the banks offered

About four months after I got…

The things I did not see coming when I embarked on this journey

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Two and a half years ago, I realized that I wanted much more from life than I had gotten thus far.

Two and a half years ago, I decided to leave my old, hopelessly average life behind and strive for a better relationship, financial abundance, and deeper fulfillment.

I wanted to find true love — the lasting and honest kind that wouldn’t come with drama.

I wanted to do business.

I wanted to become a writer.

And I wanted to create value with what I do.

Quite frankly, I desired to see what kind of heights my life could possibly…

The seven evidence-based tricks that I use to get my mojo back

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“Writing is hard work. A clear sentence is no accident. Very few sentences come out right the first time, or even the third time. Remember this in moments of despair. If you find that writing is hard, it’s because it is hard.”

— William Zinsser

On some days, I sit in front of my laptop for eight hours straight, and nothing good comes out of it. My eyes are sore, there’s an unpleasant pressure in my forehead and I realize I’ve only written nonsense that even I myself find embarrassing to read.

Sometimes, I’ve written too much during the days…

Some myth-busting by an experienced physical therapist

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Back in the day, when I still worked in healthcare, one of my specialties was treating pain.

Treating pain inevitably came with encountering all sorts of misbeliefs regarding the topic. Some were just silly, some funny, but others even dangerous to the believers.

Some of the myths were sparked by the patients themselves. But others — surprisingly — by the medical professionals who were supposed to treat them.

Whichever the case, I felt it to be my obligation to shed some light on the topic, as it is only by understanding the true nature of something that one can combat…

What does it mean, and how to get rid of it

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Pain in one’s bum might seem a bit comic at first, but when I still worked in healthcare, not a single week went by without someone coming in and complaining about it.

Often, the cause was a small and not so well known muscle in the gluteal region — the piriformis.

The piriformis is a tiny muscle that runs from your sacrum to your femur. Its main functions are to externally rotate and extend your femur at the hip joint, and it’s also one of the muscles to stabilize your pelvis when you’re walking.


A happy couple’s story of how they got to where they are

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Last week, Saturday evening was quiet for us. Not at all the kind of an evening you’d expect from two energetic people who live in the center of a vibrant European city.

After a failed attempt at celebrating the Night of Ancient Bonfires — an annual event that, this time, was spoiled by bad weather — I found myself sitting in the car with my fiancée.

We were parked in a seaside parking lot that allowed our eyes to rest on the panorama of Tallinn Bay, both quietly chewing on the emergency protein bars we’d bought earlier, and listening to…

Is there hope to overcome the differences, or should you call it quits?

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A while ago, I wrote an article about relationship compatibility. Shortly afterward, people reached out to me.

They asked if I could also write about the potential of making an incompatible relationship work, and about effective strategies to make it happen.

I’ve been in their shoes. And I’m very familiar with their feelings. Especially with the desire to find confirmation that the fights they’re fighting are worthwhile.

I wish I could just easily verify that they are. And give them the strategies they long for. But the truth is — it’s not that simple.

There are no 100% compatible relationships…

Heiki Kohal

Former PT & non-native speaker of English who’s trying to make life hard for himself by writing in his third language.

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