How to Unconditionally Accept Yourself

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Unconditional self-acceptance is accepting ourselves “whether or not [we] behave intelligently, correctly, or competently and whether or not other people approve, respect, or love” us1. The more we feel unconditionally accepting of ourselves, the less we feel anxiety, negative emotions2, and perfectionistic3,4. The more unconditional self-acceptance we have for ourselves, the better our mental health5.

Unconditional self-acceptance even buffers the effects that frustrations (entitlement, achievement, intolerance, discomfort, etc.) have on psychological distress6. For example, lower perfectionism leads to higher self-acceptance, which leads to self-forgiveness7,8 and lower depression8, 9.

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1. Connect with Nature: Being connected to nature is linked to having higher self-acceptance. It’s also connected to living a life of virtue in pursuit of human excellence (eudemonic well-being) and personal growth10. Find a way to connect with nature: go the forest, sit under a tree in your back yard, listen to bird sounds. Try the Loving-Kindness Meditation from my Tips on Feeling Connected post.
2. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT): This type of therapy contends judging ourselves at all (favorably or unfavorably) works against us because this judgement is illogical and counterproductive. It forces us to compare ourselves to an implied, objective global evaluation of worth and makes us prone to negative experiences and emotions. Unconditional self-acceptance, however, makes us prone to lower levels of depression2. Irrational statements (e.g., “when I fail, it means that I am a complete failure,”) lead us to lower levels of unconditional self-acceptance. Rational beliefs (e.g., “when I fail, it is bad, but does not mean that I am a complete failure”) lead us to an increase in unconditional self-acceptance11. Having more unconditional self-acceptance leads to fewer irrational beliefs12. Rational beliefs protect us from distress13. Overall, this section was also a long-winded way of that our thoughts affect us, so it’s important to notice and be mindful of them.
3. Mindfulness Apps: Some evidence suggests that smartphone apps can help increase acceptance, mindfulness, and self-compassion. It might not be as effective as other measures, but they’re cheap and easily accessible14,15. Make sure the app is easy to use14. Mindfulness, self-esteem, and unconditional self-acceptance are all directly connected. Therefore, mindfulness skills may help us develop unconditional self-acceptance16.

​1. Ellis (1977, p. 101); 2. Chamberlain & Haaga (2001); 3. Change (2006);
4. Flett, Besser, Davis, & Hewitt (2003); 5. (Popov, 2019); 6. (Jibeen, 2017); 7. Dixon et al. (2014); 8. Flett, Besser, Davis, & Hewitt (2003); 9. Scott (2007); 10. Pritchard, Richardson, Sheffield, & McEwan (2019); 11. (Davies, 2008); 12. (Davies, 2006); 13. Oltean & David (2018), 14. Cavanagh, Strauss, Forder, & Jones (2014); 15. Lindardon (2019);
16. (Thompson & Waltz, 2008).