Getting Published — a Metaphysical Journey … or a series of random events and mere coincidences? You Decide.

Imran Ahmad
79 min readSep 29, 2023

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This is the story of Imran vs Big Publishing (echoes of ‘David vs Goliath’ or ‘a Hero’s Quest’).

[ Welcome Ian C and Suzanne B! You will really enjoy this extraordinary publishing journey. There are notes to you at the end of the narrative, before the Appendices.]

This is a narrative non-fiction short story (twenty years in the making — described by one industry insider as ‘a real Hero’s Journey’), which you will find amazing, enjoyable, extraordinary, surprising (if you don’t, then stop reading it). (Is it a Metaphysical Journey — or a series of random events and mere coincidences? You decide.) It will give you an intimate insight into the machinations of the publishing industry. (If you are thinking about writing/publishing a book, and you have never had any contact with the publishing industry, you really should read this.) You will be outraged. You will be entertained by surprise-after-surprise-after-surprise, all the way to the end. You will see!

Is Big Publishing: Racist? Islamophobic? Inept? Spineless? YOU decide!

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So, please: get yourself a tea, coffee, glass of wine, or whatever is your preferred liquid poison, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride …

You won’t believe how I got here — but the astonishing story below is completely true.

“It’s a pity that Imran wasn’t sexually abused as a child — that would give us something we can work with.”

Feedback to my first literary agent — from a senior Editor at a major UK publisher, explaining why he declined the manuscript.

Indicating that publishers only want minority narratives which confirm and reinforce the existing stereotypes that publishers themselves select and present.

UK Publishing: ‘Books about Muslims MUST look like this.’

MYSTICAL PRELUDE

(if you believe in Quantum Consciousness or the Unified Field, this will be of great interest to you)

‘Now that you’ve reached the age of forty, you must start your Life’s Work soon — or the Universe may force the issue … and this can be very unpleasant sometimes.’
Mysterious woman on overnight Atlanta-to-London airplane (due to a mechanical problem with her original aircraft, she was re-routed to my flight and assigned the seat next to me). (Dec 2002)

‘I saw that, through your writing, you will touch the lives of millions of people.’
Mysterious (unsolicited) allegedly psychic woman in America (Jan 2003)

In December 2004, I read The Alchemist

I thought about what my Personal Legend was …

No … wait .. that wasn’t right! … I meditated on it some more for a while …

Much better!

As soon as I finished reading The Alchemist, I leapt up, opened my laptop computer … created a new Word document … and started to write the book I had been putting off for years (procrastination due to expectation of huge amount of ‘work’ required to write an entire book). (Dec 2004)

Seven weeks later, I had a manuscript … and absolutely no ‘work’ had been required to produce it — it was pure joy. (Seven weeks during which I still did my corporate ‘day’ job at General Electric.)

THE FULL STORY

1963 and 1964

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2005

I wrote a unique, narrative non-fiction book, which on the surface is about growing up Muslim in the UK, originally titled: Unimagined — a Muslim boy meets the West. (Later renamed by Hachette in New York: The Perfect Gentleman — a Muslim boy meets the West.) The book is actually more sophisticated and nuanced than that (described later by media: There’s more to it than meets the eye … this Trojan horse of a book’ and ‘… a subversive masterpiece …’), but to start with, the Muslim boy in UK categorisation would have to suffice.

The manuscript took seven weeks to draft (while doing my corporate job at General Electric) and it involved absolutely no ‘work’ at all. My friends all said it was brilliant. (That’s what friends are for!)

There is a recognised ‘process’ to getting published, and I dutifully and rigorously followed that process. You buy the latest copy of the Writer’s Handbook, carefully select potential literary agents (suitable for your project), and send to each one a comprehensive book proposal — along with a stamped addressed envelope for their reply (this was before email submissions became the norm for this process).

I wrote a thorough and very well-organised book proposal, and sent it to twenty literary agents. (I would go into my deserted GE office at 7 a.m. to print the proposals on the commercial laser printer.)

While I was waiting to hear back from literary agents, I still did my day job, of course (don’t give up your day job!). But on the train to work every morning, I daydreamed about what lay ahead …

… one thing you need to understand … publishing … is … mainly … about … waiting … (and daydreaming) … at every step of the way …

After a few weeks, the white envelopes all came back with standard rejection slips (Oh, so that’s what the stamped addressed envelopes are for! If the Agent is actually interested in your project, they will call you!).

I selected another twenty literary agents and sent them each a book proposal and a stamped addressed envelope.

During this time, July 2005, I went on a business trip to Richmond, Virginia. One day during this trip, the latest Harry Potter book was being released at midnight, and I spent that evening watching all the excited activity and the costumes in the local Barnes & Noble, while sipping a latte and browsing books and magazines.

A beautiful woman on a magazine cover caught my eye … but there was more on that cover …

I went straight to that article (‘Publish your own BOOK’) in the magazine. Apparently, there was a company called BookSurge, owned by Amazon, and they would publish your book and list it on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk, etc.

I rushed back to my hotel room (this was before smartphones) and went straight to my GE laptop to visit the BookSurge website. Yes … indeed … they would publish my book and all they needed was my credit card number (and a manuscript and a cover image).

Back in the UK, I waited a bit longer to hear from the literary agents. Eventually, they all sent rejection slips. Strangely, I felt excited. ‘Screw this!’ I thought. ‘I’m going to self-publish!’ I felt empowered.

I spent a couple more weeks polishing the manuscript, spent an hour designing an amazing and elegant book cover, and uploaded these files to BookSurge, along with my credit card details …

A few weeks later, a couriered package arrived for me at the office. Inside was the first copy of my print-on-demand, self-published book.

What a brilliant cover!

I thought: ‘Screw you, Agents and Publishers! I’m published now and I did it myself!’

I thought that I was going to conquer the world with this book. (‘I saw that … you will touch the lives of millions of people.’) (At that time, I had no idea that no one is interested in a self-published book — no newspapers review them, no radio/television programmes interview the writers, no literary festivals invite them …)

I ordered one hundred copies from BookSurge and began my marketing and sales campaign — encouraging people to buy the book from Amazon.

The ‘GHOST IN THE MACHINE’

Over the course of seven weeks, I sold about forty copies. The sad thing was: I knew nearly every one of those forty people. I could run a BookSurge sales report which would show me the placing of each order: date, time, Amazon site (Amazon.com for US; Amazon.co.uk for UK) — but no personal details about the buyer, of course. But if someone said to me that they had ordered my book (e.g., ‘yesterday’, ‘last weekend’, etc.), I would be able to figure out from the report which one was their order. There were hardly any ‘unknown’ orders.

I also sent copies to important and influential people, one of whom was Scott Pack — the Head Buyer of Waterstone’s (the UK’s biggest bookstore chain). I read on the Internet that he was known as the most powerful man in UK publishing, because he was the person who determined which books were selected for sale in Waterstone’s. One article described the British publishing landscape as a pyramid: thousands upon thousands of wannabe writers … chasing a few score Agents … chasing a couple of dozen publishers … chasing Scott Pack. So, of course, I sent him a copy of my book (as did everyone else — his office was piled high with books which had been sent to him).

I wasn’t the only person who sent their book to Scott Pack …

One Friday evening (a few days after I had sent the book to Scott Pack), I ran the BookSurge sales report. In addition to the forty copies I already knew about (over seven weeks) … about 50 copies had just sold in the last three hours! All on Amazon.com. Amazing! It was obvious what had happened. There must have been some mention of the book on some medium in the US, and 50 people had ordered it online.

The next morning, I ran the BookSurge sales report. About 250 copies had sold in the US on Amazon.com in the last day! It was obvious what had happened. One of my friends must have managed to get The Path Unimagined mentioned on a radio show or in a newspaper … and 250 Americans had bought it on Amazon. God bless America! Finally, the book was taking off — 250 copies in a day is brilliant! (‘I saw that … you will touch the lives of millions of people.’)

It was happening! My book had taken off …

I printed off a copy of the sales report and annotated it in red. At the point where the sales took off, I drew a big red arrow and labelled it: ‘US Media Event’. (At this stage, I did not know what that media event was, but I was sure to find out soon.) I wrote an accompanying letter to Scott Pack, drawing his attention to the sales report, and I drove to Waterstone’s head office on Sunday evening and handed the white envelope (marked Urgent) to the security guard at the front desk. When Scott Pack saw this sales report on Monday morning, he would surely be compelled to look at that particular book in amongst the many piles of books in his office.

On Tuesday, I received an email from BookSurge, advising me of a computer error. Apparently, an order placed by my friend Lucretia in California (I could tell it was Lucretia from the timing of this anomaly) had been caught in some kind of loop (between her PC and their mainframe) and had been replicated countless times … but not to worry — they had fixed the problem. I ran the BookSurge sales report, and the 250 orders had disappeared, leaving just the one originating order from Lucretia.

I did not say anything about this computer error to Scott Pack.

A week later, Scott Pack emailed me with his opinion. Thanks to the impressive sales report, he had indeed taken the trouble to read that particular book. He really liked the content of the book, but the physical book was not of adequate quality to be stocked in Waterstone’s, being very obviously self-published. He said the book deserved a ‘proper’ publisher, and he was willing to recommend it to a literary agency if I was agreeable to this …

and that is how I got a literary agent originally! through a miraculous, implausible, metaphysical intervention. A ‘Ghost in the Machine’ caused a computer error, which generated a fabulous sales report, which persuaded Scott Pack (the Head Buyer of Waterstone’s) to read that particular book (from amongst the piles of books in his office — everyone sent him their book!) and then to recommend it to a literary agency … A ‘Ghost in the Machine’ which then disappeared, leaving no trace of either itself or the ‘phantom’ sales report. The only copy of that mirage of a sales report that exists (or existed) is the paper copy I sent to Scott Pack.

A ‘Ghost in the Machine’ created an amazing but phantom sales report.

You can’t make this stuff up!

Scott Pack told his selected literary agent: “The cover is awful and the price is ridiculous — but the writing is really good and deserves a proper publisher.” (The self-published print-on-demand price was beyond my control.) The Agent called me about two days after he received the book from Scott Pack, offering to represent me, which I gratefully accepted. I shut down the self-published book from BookSurge.

(Without this course correction, this intervention, I would have stubbornly and deludedly pushed on down the path of promoting that rather tacky-looking, self-published, print-on-demand BookSurge book, and none of the endorsements and amazing experiences described below would have happened.)

Charlie (who has excellent instincts) directed me to sharpen and tighten up the prose. I worked on the text over Christmas/New Year.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2006

Charlie told me that it was a very good book indeed, and this was confirmed by his test readers. He felt in his gut that it was going to be a bestseller — because it was so engaging, relevant, insightful, enjoyable … and just so readable.

‘I could describe those events and years of separation in heartrending, excruciating six-hundred-page detail, but this is not that kind of book. (This story will proceed mercifully briskly and you will not be tortured along the way.)’
Extract from opening of Unimagined

Charlie submitted the manuscript to Editors at the top UK publishers.
Those Editors came back consistently with the excuse that there was ‘no angle’ that they would expect from a Muslim-boy-in-UK memoir — e.g., childhood sexual abuse, enforced marriage, Asian gangs, criminal rackets, illegal immigration, religious extremism, radicalisation, terrorism (preferred).

Books: Non-fiction: Humanities: Sociology: Muslims

In this way, they demonstrated the inherent bias of the UK publishing industry (they control the public narrative). There was never any issue about the quality or enjoyability of the manuscript.

“It’s a pity that Imran wasn’t sexually abused as a child — that would give us something we can work with.”
Feedback from a senior Editor
at a major UK publisher, explaining why he declined the manuscript.

Charlie then sent the book to four second-tier publishers.

Karen, a Commissioning Editor at Aurum, snapped it up. She wrote in an email: “Seldom have I enjoyed a manuscript so much.”

We accepted a modest advance, and the deal was signed with Aurum. Karen was a wonderful, skilled and supportive Editor throughout this journey.

(We also had an offer from another major publisher, but I was put off by that one — because in our meeting the Editor seemed to be referring to the book as if it was a ‘misery memoir’ and also, from something she said, revealed that she hadn’t really read it very closely. She also said that she did not consider the book to be finished, and that it would need some ‘editorial direction’. I concluded that she was looking for a ‘Muslim misery memoir’, and was hoping that she could forcibly shape my book into one.)

An advance proof (a version used for advance marketing and to get reviews) was printed in July 2006, with publication scheduled for March 2007.

The next miracle occurred in November 2006.

Sue Townsend (author of the ‘Adrian Mole’ books), having been sent a copy of the advance proof, selected Unimagined in the Guardian as her favourite book of the year. But it wasn’t even published yet!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2007

As publication approached in March 2007, Grumpy Old Bookman gave the first indication that something was not right at Aurum. In this blog posting (please read it closely), he indicates:

  • The extraordinary quality and uniqueness of the book.
  • How completely indifferent (or inept) Aurum management seemed to be.

This lack of mention on the Aurum website was bizarre, because at this point we already had a priceless ‘Best Books of the Year’ endorsement from Sue Townsend in the Guardian … and Aurum wasn’t even bothering to use it.

Grumpy Old Bookman was referring to an instalment of Scott Pack’s iconic blog, Me and My Big Mouth, which had been posted a few days earlier.

Scott Pack recounted receiving, some 18 months earlier, a book with a cover that was so terrible, his Intuition siren went off: ‘Avoid! Avoid!’

But he decided to invest a few minutes in reading the book in his office. When he next looked up, his tea was cold and he was running late for a meeting. His conclusion was that the self-published book was physically terrible, but that the writing was really good (’insightful’ and ‘incredibly pertinent’) and warranted a proper publisher. With the writer’s permission, he sent it to a literary agent.

In his blog post, he presented the cover of the new Aurum hardback, which was self-evidently superior to the original self-published book which had been sent to him.

Yes, I graciously accept that the new cover is better …

Scott Pack described the book as a ‘proper modern classic’, and his prediction was that — regardless of how the hardback sold (non-celebrity hardbacks are not generally expected to be bestsellers, and are mainly used to acquire reviews and acclaim to be plastered all over the paperback about a year later) — the paperback was going to be ‘massive’.

To this day, I am very grateful to Scott Pack for putting me on the path to ‘proper’ publication (and for that ‘Ghost in the Machine’ which compelled him to read that particular book lying around in his office).

As publication day loomed, I organised my own book launch, in collaboration with my old school, Hampton (Grammar) School, and a local charity, the Shooting Star Children’s Hospice — of which the Founder and CEO was a schoolmate. The charity event was to be held for several hours on a Saturday afternoon, in the old dining hall. The process was that I donated (gave for free) copies of Unimagined to the charity (I had to buy these copies from Aurum at my author price), and the charity would give these copies to attendees in exchange for a (minimum) £20 donation directly to the Shooting Star Children’s Hospice.

There needed to be some other reason why people would come to this event — so I was looking for a jazz band. I ran into a former work colleague I had not seen in 15 years and, during the course of our conversation, told her about my impending book launch and my search for a jazz band. She told me that her son’s music teacher ran a jazz band and she would ask him. He graciously agreed, and the event got its jazz band! (Coincidence or synchronicity?)

I paid for food and drink to be provided, so the book launch became more of an event for people to enjoy and linger.

But there was something else I wanted — famous people. I prepared a beautiful invitation card and sent this, with covering letters, to every famous person I could think of. (I very quickly received replies from both the private secretaries of HM Queen Elizabeth and HRH Prince Charles that, unfortunately, they had prior engagements that day.

Hampton School and Shooting Star logo

MIRACLE on Strand

One of the people to whom I sent an invitation card and letter (via his Agent in London) was the famous actor Geoffrey Palmer. I had never met him, but we all know him from Reginald Perrin, Butterflies, As Time Goes By, Tomorrow Never Dies, etc.

Geoffrey Palmer

The Monday before the book launch, I received a lovely and gracious handwritten letter from Geoffrey Palmer …

He did not disclose his home address in the letter, but the postmark on the envelope indicated that he lived in a village outside London.

It was so very kind of him to send a generous cheque when he couldn’t make it to the book launch to receive a book, so on Tuesday I mailed an inscribed and signed copy of the book to him via his Agent in London …

On Wednesday, I was in my office on Strand as usual. At lunchtime, I needed to go to the bank. Unbeknownst to me, the HSBC on Strand was being refurbished and was all boarded up. Deep in thought, looking neither left nor right, but mostly at the pavement … I walked right past it …

The Strand, London

Suddenly, I thought: ‘Where’s the bank?’

I stopped and looked up. Normally, the Strand is quite crowded with people, but I was, strangely, in an oasis of solitude. There was no one around me or anywhere near me …

… apart from Geoffrey Palmer, who was about five yards in front of me, walking directly towards me.

As my eyes locked on his face, I actually saw apprehension in his eyes as my face lit up in disbelieving and astonished and joyful recognition.

I greeted him, extending my hand: “Mr Palmer! I’m Imran Ahmad. Thank you so much for your cheque for the Shooting Star Children’s Hospice …”

He looked worried for just a moment, at being accosted by an unknown man, but then the name of the charity registered with him and all became clear. He shook my hand and so graciously said: “Oh, my pleasure. I’m so sorry that I can’t make it to your book launch, but I’m just going to buy your book.”

“No need! I sent it to your Agent in Piccadilly. It’ll be there now.”

“Oh, thank you. I’ll just go and get it then.”

With that we shook hands again and went our separate ways — but we were both energised and delighted by this extraordinary … eventsynchronicitycoincidence …?

I have spent literally hours passionately debating with secular rationalists and followers of Richard Dawkins the significance of this and similar synchronistic events. All they have is: It was just a coincidence.’

What I believe is:

And that choice, ladies and gentlemen, is what defines us. Which explanation do you believe?

Unimagined was published in March 2007, and — to the credit of the Aurum marketing person assigned to this project — I was a guest on the television programme The Heaven and Earth Show on BBC1, and a guest on the iconic radio programme Midweek on BBC Radio 4, during that first week after publication. (Simon Mayo firmly declined to discuss this book on his programme on BBC Radio 2.)

But my first speaking event led to a …

NIGHTMARE in Islington

My first speaking event, arranged by Aurum, was at Borders in Islington at 7:30 p.m. on a Tuesday evening. I had already checked out the location and the store on an earlier reconnaissance mission, so I knew the exact location of the store and its layout. The evening of my event, I arrived at 7:00 p.m.

I had a very bad feeling, right from the start. There was no poster or banner or anything about my talk. Nothing. So how would anyone know there was an event? But they had laid out a few rows of chairs, about 40 in total, with a microphone stand facing them.

There was one good sign. There was a woman already seated in one of the chairs — half-an-hour early for the event! But after a while she got up and wandered off. I realised she was just someone reading a book, who had needed a place to sit.

7:30 p.m. came … and there was no one there. Absolutely no one.

Fortunately, the store had a coffee shop, with a few people in it. One of the store staff used the tannoy to make an announcement. “Today in Borders, we are pleased to have Imran Ahmad, author of ‘Unimagined — a Muslim boy meets the West’.” He then read from the book jacket in such a dreary voice — he made it sound so boring, even I didn’t want to be there.

They managed to drum up an audience, so I began. But it was a horrible experience. The audience was miserable and unresponsive — they didn’t laugh at any of my jokes. Only one member of the audience sat at the front … and the other one sat right at the back. Palpable tension and discomfort hung in the air. In a sense, they felt trapped — because if either of them got up to leave, it would be like giving the speaker a slap in the face (and also leaving the one remaining audience member in an impossible position).

We were all glad when I finished. I felt completely and utterly humiliated. I couldn’t look any of the Borders staff in the eye. I left the store and travelled home on the train in a state of utter dejection.

(‘I saw that … you will touch the lives of millions of people.’ No, it really didn’t feel like that.)

Nonetheless, during 2007, we got the first wave of acclaim, which by the end of the year included:

  • ‘Best Books of the Year’ lists of four major newspapers.
  • Shortlisted for (and chosen as winner of) the YoungMinds Book Award.
  • Dovegreyreader: Best Non-Fiction Read of the Year.

Soon after the book was published, I persuaded BBC News to cover it.

I wrote to Catherine Lockerbie, Director of the Edinburgh International Book Festival, who reputedly was reading literally hundreds of books every year. She invited me to her festival, writing back to me in an email:

“I don’t normally consider unsolicited approaches, but I just loved Unimagined so much!”

At Edinburgh, my event went brilliantly well. The laughter booming from my marquee could be heard around the grounds.

Edinburgh International Book Festival 2007

Immediately after my event, Sarah LeFanu invited me to her literary festival in Bath.

“… had the audience in stitches …”
Three Weeks, Edinburgh Festival Review

“… poignant and often hilarious … went down a storm at the Edinburgh International Book Festival … will keep his audience in stitches.”
The Morley Observer

“I read the first thirty pages just standing in front of the bookcase in the Edinburgh Festival bookshop. I knew there and then that it would make great television …”
Barry Ryan — Creative Director, Free@Last Television

That evening in Edinburgh, it was raining and cool. I took refuge in the Writers’ Yurt, which was totally deserted … except for a beautiful, elegantly dressed woman writing in a notebook. I engaged her in conversation (making sure that my Writer’s lanyard was clearly visible): “Are you a writer as well?”
With a somewhat tired and weary attitude, she told me that she was Wendy Were, Director of the Sydney Writers’ Festival, and she gave me her business card. I couldn’t help it — I told her excitedly about my book! She listened politely, with not one iota of warm engagement. (Months later, we laughed about how worn out she was at that time by writers in Edinburgh making spontaneous and unsolicited pitches when they learned who she was.)
After I returned home to London, I airmailed to her in Sydney a copy of Unimagined.

Wendy Were — Director of SWF

Hoping to get Wendy’s attention, I personally airmailed a copy addressed to ‘Literary Editor’ at the Sydney Morning Herald.
A few weeks later, a wonderful review by Bruce Elder appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald.
In December, Unimagined was included in the Sydney Morning Herald’s selection of the best books of the year — ‘The Pick of the Literary Crop’.

The package was delivered to Susan Wyndham (Literary Editor), who sent the book on to Bruce Elder (Non-Fiction Literary Reviewer). It sat in a pile of books in his office, until the cover caught his eye.

A consistent theme in all the feedback was the sheer readability of the book:

One of my colleagues (much more important than me) had one of those new-fangled blueberry things, and he sent me an email from it:

From: Kelder, Jeroen
To: Ahmad, Imran
Sent: Wednesday, April 18, 2007 5:41 PM
Subject: Your book
Amazing — I sat next to a gentleman in the plane and he was reading your book and laughing. Have to note that he was quintessentially British.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

In the summer of 2007, Unimagined was shortlisted for the YoungMinds Book Award, and in the autumn was unanimously selected by the judges to be the winner of the YoungMinds Book Award.

But this was overturned by ‘Renowned Novelist’ (not his real name).

WHAT HAPPENED at the YoungMinds Book Award

Unimagined was placed (by a large group of test readers) onto the shortlist of six books, which included The Book Thief. The judges met at a restaurant, as planned. With no communication or explanation, the Chairman of the Judging Committee was inexplicably absent. The judges finished lunch, and then moved to a private meeting room for the discussion.

By consensus, they chose Unimagined as the winner …

then the door burst open wide … and Renowned Novelist stepped inside … Two hours late.

He immediately demanded to know: “Where are we?”

On being told that they had chosen Unimagined, he reacted vehemently: “No! Absolutely not!”

Renowned Novelist flatly refused to let Unimagined be the winner, and he could do so because it had to be a consensus decision, not a simple vote. Renowned Novelist declared that Unimagined was the one book he would never allow to be the winner.

Let me repeat that. Renowned Novelist declared that Unimagined — the book which had been agreed upon by all the judges before he arrived two hours late — was the one book he would never allow to be the winner. He felt so strongly about this that he told them he wasn’t going to budge.

In the end, in order that they could finally leave the meeting, the judges’ consensus became this book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Still-Here-Me-Teenagers-Children/dp/1843105012/ — a book they could all agree they didn’t hate.

Renowned Novelist bullied his way through this process. (Incidentally, the other judges present were all women.) I was told this story independently by someone from amongst the judges and a senior representative of YoungMinds who was observing. They were all seething about it. They regretted asking Renowned Novelist to be the Chair of the Judging Committee. (And I felt so unfairly treated. Renowned Novelist obstructing Unimagined from being the winner of the YoungMinds Book Award denied the book a recognition which merely being shortlisted does not confer.)

Renowned Novelist asserted to the judges that it was not appropriate for a book discussing serious issues to be funny. (Well, Mr Novelist, I beg to differ. By making a book readable and entertaining, we can get more people to engage in and think about serious issues.)

New Players Theatre, London

A little while after the judges’ meeting, the YoungMinds Book Award ceremony was being held at the New Players Theatre in London, on a Thursday evening in November. After the opening remarks by the YoungMinds CEO, the authors (or their representatives) each had a slot of a few minutes for a reading/talk about their book.

The second reading/presentation was already in progress when …
… the double doors closest to the stage suddenly were flung open … light from outside burst into the darkened auditorium … a silhouetted figure strode into the hall … he paused to take off his coat … he flung it casually on to the nearest aisle seat … then he swaggered to take his reserved place in the front row … the audience’s attention was diverted away from the author presentation in progress on the stage.
(Despite being late again, Renowned Novelist made no attempt at a discreet and nondisruptive arrival.)

After the YoungMinds Book Award ceremony concluded, Unimagined sold more copies than the other five books put together! (Unimagined: 22 copies; Next highest: 8 copies.)

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

I’m not sure which is the better endorsement — that Oprah loved it or that Renowned Novelist obstructed it? (Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself — Oprah comes later, but totally contradicts Renowned Novelist: “Yes, you can laugh while having your consciousness raised … this memoir proves it.”)

I have watched on YouTube a public lecture by Renowned Novelist, in which he was extremely disparaging about the works of JK Rowling (“… execrable prosedrivelpile of codswallop …”), Frank McCourt, Philip Roth and others — all of whom are more widely read than he is.

(Dear Reader: this story arc of my encounters with Renowned Novelist will continue later in this narrative. You will be amazed by what happens.)

By the end of 2007, Unimagined was selected in the ‘Best Books of the Year’ lists of:

  • Independent
  • Sydney Morning Herald
  • Belfast Telegraph
  • As well as the Guardian from 2006, when Sue Townsend had selected it based on the advance proof, before it was published.

The Independent selection came from Ann Widdecombe, who wrote:
“My favourite book of 2007 is this memoir of a Muslim boy, born in Pakistan, who moves to London at the age of one in the 1960s. With his Islamic identity and desire to embrace the West, the book paints a beautiful picture of growing up in a strange culture … the end result is unforgettable.”
Ann Widdecombe — former Member of Parliament, author, columnist, television presenter

It is extraordinary that both Sue Townsend (of the Labour Left) and Ann Widdecombe (of the Conservative Right) could choose Unimagined as their favourite book of the year — given that they are at completely different ends of the political spectrum.

Sue Townsend, on the left (of course), and Ann Widdecombe, on the right (of course).

“Hurrah for a memoir that isn’t miserable! Hurray for Imran Ahmad’s terrific sense of humour … an entertaining, moving and thoroughly thought-provoking tale of our times.”
Daily Mail

“Wonderfully evocative and strangely touching.”
The Sunday Times

“ … a compelling quest for belonging …”
The Guardian

“… successful in striking that balance, by presenting a thought-provoking debate even as it makes you laugh out loud.”
The Hindu

“ … wonderfully funny, heart-warming, perceptive, enlightening and ironic … Reminiscent of Adrian Mole, with echoes of White Teeth, but it has its own unique voice … endearing, deadpan humour … Likely to be a word-of-mouth hit … has the makings of a slow-build bestseller …”
Publishing News

“What a very strange book. There’s more to it than meets the eye … this Trojan horse of a book.”
The Book Magazine (this observation is very important)

“… refreshingly upbeat … vividly and with deadpan humour describes his struggles to find his place in [the] world … often laugh-out-loud … entertaining … quietly significant … insightful and occasionally thought provoking, it’s a discreetly inspirational portrait of a boy determined to find the common ground between his roots and his desire to embrace the West.”
The Glasgow Herald

“… deserves all the praise it’s had … very clearly and vividly written … funny and perceptive … very clever to have presented a character so original and unusual, and yet so warmly human and recognisable ...”
Philip Pullman — author of ‘His Dark Materials’ trilogy

Best Non-Fiction Read of the Year
“… exceptionally well-balanced … a part-funny, part-serious book and it works like a dream … had me enthralled … very good indeed.”
Lynne Hatwell — dovegreyreader

“Book of the Week: I am jumping unashamedly onto this particular bandwagon as this is one of the best books I have read in ages. Clever, simple, funny and sad, the book describes the author’s experience of growing up a Muslim in a newly multi-cultural Britain. Impossible to put down and equally impossible to forget.”
Clare Christian — former Managing Director, The Friday Project

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2008

I had a fight with Aurum about their dreadful paperback design. This completely broke me — a multi-layered, profound, insightful and nuanced book was being reduced to only a joke. The potential reader would have no clue there was so much more in here. But Aurum would not budge and there was nothing I could do. (I showed the paperback cover design to Scott Pack, and he said that he was ‘not a fan’.)

I hate this! What do YOU think? Every audience to whom I have shown this paperback cover design (when I narrate/perform this publishing journey) has laughed and groaned. They can’t believe how awful it is!

Never mind the:
Social Commentary, Philosophy, Sociology, Theology, Religious Angst, Developmental Psychology, Personal Introspection, Modern History, Politics, Racism, Sexism, Feminism, Cultural Criticism, Universalism, Spiritual Progression …
Let’s just go with:
It’s FUNNY!

Publishing is all about the paperback. It’s the paperback that sells (unless you are a spare prince or a celebrity). The hardback is used to gather acclaim and reviews — to be quoted all over and inside the paperback.

But because the existing hardback print file was an exact number of signatures (a unit number of pages which can be printed), Aurum would not expand the file (i.e., add one more signature to create more pages, incurring additional cost) to accommodate all the astonishing acclaim into the paperback. They just squeezed what they could onto the insides of the front and back covers (including the author photo/bio).

The font size of both books was one consistent criticism — it was too small to be read comfortably by many people. (Remember: the Comment-writer, above, used a magnifying glass.)

In summary: this book was produced as cheaply as possible.

Aurum expended no effort or expense on the distribution or promotion of this book. You would never see it, and you were lucky if the bookshop had a copy.

WHSmith never stocked Unimagined — not the hardback, nor the paperback — despite all the acclaim and recognition.

“… endearing … unexpectedly subtle and touching …”
Nicholas Lezard — The Guardian

“[this] book is just so wonderful!”
Deborah Harper — Psychjourney

“There are topics for reading groups, however this book also makes a fantastic personal read being both thought-provoking and very funny.”
New Books magazine

“… timely and most endearing … a whimsical undertone … describes a journey of self-discovery, integration and the challenges of coming of age in the West … invites connection and familiarity with its readers …”
Emel magazine

Wendy Were finally got around to reading Unimagined, and then promptly invited me to the Sydney Writers’ Festival 2008 (echoes of Catherine Lockerbie).

Aurum refused to pay my airfare to Sydney, so I paid it myself (by credit card). Karen, my wonderful and supportive Editor, made the case within Aurum … but Aurum management declined, believing: ‘It won’t be worth it.’ (‘We just can’t see that he will … touch the lives of millions of people.’) The airfare was originally £800, but had risen to £1,000 by the time that Aurum made the decision. It was only the airfare which was required from our side — as an invited speaker, everything else for me in Australia was taken care of by the Festival.

“What is the purpose of your visit to Australia?” “I’m an invited guest of the Sydney Writers’ Festival.” “Congratulations! Welcome to Australia!” It felt SO wonderful!

Before my arrival in Sydney, I was invited to be a special guest on an Australian television programme filmed in Melbourne. This necessitated that I fly to Australia a day earlier than planned, and entailed a £50 ticket change fee to British Airways. I asked Aurum to pay this £50 fee, but they refused, so I paid it myself.

Me on Australian television (after 11 minutes elapsed time):

https://www.veoh.com/videos/v13803610Sw9NsyBj

“Unimagined is like a secret. Hardly anyone knows about it — but those that do, love it!
Nancy Northrup — representative of Australian distributor

At Sydney my event went brilliantly (sold out); Unimagined was ranked Number 11 in sales at the Festival, reported by the Sydney Morning Herald (from amongst over 350 writers); I presented/sold the book to the CEO of Murdoch Books (not connected to Rupert), and I connected her to Aurum (who held the ANZ rights, but then sub-licenced these to Murdoch Books).

“My team and I read Unimagined this weekend, and we all loved it. I learned more about Islam and the West from reading Unimagined, than I did from all the other books I’ve read, put together.”
Juliet Rogers — CEO, Murdoch Books, Sydney

Wendy Were was a lot happier with me after my event in Sydney than she was when I was cold-selling myself to her back in Edinburgh.

Recap: I got myself invited to Sydney; I paid the airfare myself; I got invited to be the special guest on a national television programme in Melbourne; I paid the £50 ticket change fee myself; I did brilliantly at the Festival; I sold the book to an Australian publisher on behalf of Aurum.

I’m so glad that I dared to speak to the elegant woman in the otherwise deserted Writers’ Yurt that dark, rainy Edinburgh evening.

In Sydney, I met Janet DeNeefe — Director of the Ubud Writers & Readers Festival in Bali — and I gave her a copy of Unimagined. Immediately after she read it, she invited me to UWRF 2008 (echoes of Catherine Lockerbie).

Janet DeNeefe — Founder & Director of UWRF

“I met Imran in Sydney and he gave me a copy of Unimagined to take home to Bali. I was short of time, so I gave it to my PA, Elizabeth Henzell, to read. I heard her laughing a lot as she read it, I asked her what it was like, and she replied, ‘It’s wonderful!’ I promptly took it from her.”
Janet DeNeefe — Director, Ubud Writers & Readers Festival (Bali)

Even though the Aurum paperback cover was dreadful … this happened

The list is not in alphabetical order and most of the writers are dead.

This is probably the single most valuable endorsement the book has ever had — even better than Oprah (be patient: she’s coming soon).

Catherine Lockerbie invited me back to Edinburgh the following year, for the same book. She really loved it!

Catherine Lockerbie

REVENGE at King’s Cross

I returned to the Edinburgh International Book Festival on the weekend of 23rd-24th August 2008, taking a train up to Edinburgh on Friday evening.

At King’s Cross station, there was a huge crowd waiting to board the train, but I was quite relaxed. This being the last train to Edinburgh on the Friday evening before a bank holiday weekend, I wouldn’t even contemplate this journey without a reserved seat in First Class (which I had paid for myself).

The crowd surged forward as soon as the platform number was revealed, and I still got caught up in the herd mentality — even though I knew I had a comfortable seat waiting for me. I boarded the train and began to arrange my stuff around my seat (suitcase in the luggage rack, jacket on the overhead shelf, food bag at my feet, book on the table etc).

A man in the next carriage was yelling and swearing into his mobile phone. An attractive woman seated at the next table smiled at me, as we both realised we could hear a phone conversation taking place so far away.

“… THERE ISN’T A SINGLE F***ING UNRESERVED SEAT! …”

But the conversation was coming closer … he was moving towards us

“… THIS IS A COMPLETE TYPICAL F***ING FIASCO! …”

He came into our carriage Oh my God! … It was Renowned Novelist, wearing jeans and a t-shirt …

The person on the other end of the phone obviously asked him: “What kind of ticket do you have?” — because he suddenly pulled it from his pocket to examine it closely.

“… IT’S A STANDARD SAVER RETURN …”

The situation was immediately self-evident. Renowned Novelist had no seat reservation and was unable to find a seat in Standard Class, and had phoned someone (his Agent? his Publisher?) to help him.

He sat down in the reserved seat opposite me (although a Standard Saver Return would not entitle him to a seat in First Class).

“… WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO F***ING DO? …”

An elegant Japanese couple appeared and stood hesitantly alongside the table where Renowned Novelist and I were sitting. They were conferring together and looking back and forth between their tickets and the seats opposite me. They were obviously uncertain about something and did not want to commit a faux pas in this foreign country.

“May I see?” I asked them, and I examined their seat reservations.

“Renowned,” I said to the man on the phone, “these visitors to our country are waiting to take their seats.”

Studiously not acknowledging that he had heard me, Renowned Novelist got up and moved off down the carriage, back in the direction he had come from — still yelling into his phone. The Japanese couple settled down into their reserved seats.

As he turned and walked away, I felt like shouting at him: ‘That’s right, Renowned Novelist! Back to Second Class where you belong!’

But fortunately, because of my advanced spirituality (I’m a trainee Ascended Master, stuck at Level 4 because of Ego issues, apparently — I keep failing the surprise practical tests), I was able to overcome this basal urge and say nothing.

(‘Peace and Namaste, dear Brother!’ is what I should have said/thought.
Or even, for maximum points: ‘Please, dear Brother, take my ticket. You deserve it. I’ll enjoy standing in Standard Class (for five hours). No problem at all.’
That would have gotten me promoted to Level 5 instantly!
I’m going to be stuck down here at Level 4 a while, I fear.)

Later during the journey, I was unable to overcome my curiosity. I made the hazardous expedition into Standard Class and down the length of the train, to find out what had happened. The aisles and connecting areas were strewn with people on the floor: reading, talking, sleeping and (in some cases) drinking far too much. The smell of lager hung in the air.

Eventually, I found him. He had managed to get a seat (rear-facing window), and was furiously scribbling notes and using a purple highlighter in a copy of Richard Dawkins’ The God Delusion. (I promise you, this is all true.)

I saw him later at the Edinburgh International Book Festival (of course, that’s where he was headed), smoking in a corner of the grounds. (Yes, the entire Festival site is a no-smoking zone — but those rules only apply to ‘regular’ people like you and me, not to ‘renowned’ people.)

It is astonishing that I was in the right place at the right time to witness Renowned Novelist as he truly is — rather than when he’s being interviewed by a starry-eyed Guardian journalist, or on stage at a literary festival, or in a television studio being asked to give his opinion as a ‘public intellectual’. (What kind of ‘public intellectual’ shows up at King’s Cross station for the last train to Edinburgh on the Friday evening of an August Bank Holiday weekend, with only a Standard Class ticket and no seat reservation; is then surprised that he cannot find an empty seat; and has to call an ‘Adviser’ of some sort, to ask them what should he do? Not a very practical kind of ‘public intellectual’, obviously.)

I felt a smug satisfaction that the Universe had delivered to me some form of ‘revenge’ in witnessing this event.

[“You are delusional, Imran, it was just a coinci …”
“SHUT UP, Richard!”]

I appreciated the event then, but I appreciate it even more now, as I weave it into this extraordinary story of my publishing journey.

On Sunday morning, a quiet, unassuming chap wandered into the Writers’ Yurt. I could see that he had no Festival ID and obviously wasn’t supposed to be in here — maybe another wannabe writer?

The Festival staff were all very busy, so gallantly I stepped in to deal with this situation, with my characteristic sensitivity and tact.

I made small-talk with him, so that he wouldn’t feel ignored (apparently he was an advertising copywriter who had tried his hand at writing a novel or two); I gave him a signed copy of my book (so that he would gain an appreciation of the standard of writing which has to be attained in order to get published); I let him have his photo taken with me; and then I gently nudged him out of the Writers’ Yurt. In any case, he said he really had to get to the next event (he referred to it rather possessively as ‘my event’, curiously — presumably he meant the one event he had bought a ticket for.)

Although I am a successful internationally-published writer, I am always ready to help aspiring writers on their long journey to some form of publication. I think it’s important to have the grace and patience to do this.

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This unassuming gentleman wandered into the Writers’ Yurt, without a security/identity lanyard (which you can see I’m wearing).

“I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed this book … Look, just go and buy it … What’s not to like? Eh?”
Linda Grant — multiple-prize-winning novelist, writing in her blog.

Linda Grant

In Edinburgh, acclaimed novelist Linda Grant strongly emphasised to me that my book really should have been published by a major publisher, who would …

  • Have been delighted to pay my airfares resulting from international festival invitations.
  • Not have quibbled over a £50 airfare ticket change fee to make a national television appearance in Australia.
  • Have invested in making the book visible at points-of-sale.

We could only speculate: WHY was it turned down by all the major UK publishers?

After reading Unimagined, Janet DeNeefe invited me to UWRF 2008 in Bali (I had to pay my own airfare, by credit card, as Aurum refused to pay for it).

In Bali my events went very well. I met Jeni Caffin, who read the book and then invited me to her festival in Byron Bay in 2009 (echoes of Catherine Lockerbie). While in Bali, I also received by email an invitation from Katherine Dorrington to the Perth Writers Festival 2009. (She had heard about my event in Sydney and had read the book — echoes of Catherine Lockerbie.)

“As a reader, I felt like I was witnessing my own growth … And that’s one of the best things about this book. The reader — any reader — can relate to Ahmad’s childhood, adolescence, and first steps into adulthood. With a unique voice, Ahmad speaks of universal feelings.”
The Mookse and the Gripes

“I do strongly recommend reading this, or even buying someone a copy as a Christmas present — it’s a really great read!”
Being Mrs C

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2009

Perth in February 2009 went very well.

I told a story at The Moth, Perth 2009

My publisher at Perth was Murdoch Books, rather than Aurum, and they were very supportive.

“The tender humour and intelligence of this memoir belies its political importance; through it, Muslims are humanised. Imran Ahmad, Pakistan-born and London-raised, writes beautifully of his life … Just beautiful.
Antonella Gambotto-Burke — author, journalist, campaigner (Australia)

I had been made redundant from my ‘day job’ at the end of 2008 due to the global financial crisis and, with no companies actively hiring, I had some time on my hands — so I self-organised and self-funded a 40-city, six-week speaking tour of the United States (as one does).

I plotted a 14,000 mile route clockwise around the United States, starting and ending in Chicago, where I would pick up a rental car. I identified about 40 cities/dates and wrote to organisations in those cities asking them to host me for a speaking event.

I (not Aurum) persuaded BBC News to cover it.

I executed the speaking tour as per plan.

I was really good at this!

Unimagined by Imran Ahmad is a wonderful book and Imran is a gracious, poignant, and engaging speaker. Everyone who came to hear him speak at Unity Temple was mesmerized by his stories, wit, and humility. Those who have read his book have greatly enjoyed his creatively written memoir. His personal mission of seeking to re-humanize both Christians and Muslims will surely lead him to an ever wider audience.”
Rev. Alan C. Taylor, Senior Minister, Unity Temple Unitarian Universalist Congregation, Chicago, IL

“I loved your book! I gave it to my mother, and she loved it. Then my sister read it and she loved it. Now my other sister is reading it. … Of course you can have a late checkout.”
Mary S — Manager of Chicago O’Hare Garden Hotel

“… an ever present humor … funny and entertaining … incredibly ‘readable’ … I wanted to keep on reading it and find out what was going to happen next.”
Media and Islam, San Francisco

At the Byron Bay Writers Festival 2009, my events went brilliantly and Unimagined was the Number One Bestseller (all copies sold out) (reported by Susan Wyndham in the Sydney Morning Herald).

Byron Bay — what an extraordinary place!

Jeni Caffin later told Isobel F Abulhoul about me, and Isobel invited me to her Emirates Airline Festival of Literature 2010 in Dubai, where the Murdoch Books copies of Unimagined completely sold out after my event.

The (ultimate) total count for literary festivals is:

  • Secured by me: Kingston, Edinburgh (twice for same book), Garforth, Bath, Sydney, Bali (twice for same book), Perth, Byron Bay (number one bestseller), Dubai, Chicago, Kuala Lumpur.
  • Secured by Aurum: Ilkley, Morley.

How about HAY? … No way!

Hay Festival of Literature & Arts, held in Hay-on-Wye, Powys, Wales

I sent copies of the hardback and paperback to Peter Florence, the Director of the Hay Festival of Literature and Arts, but he declined to invite me to his Festival (this was despite the body of acclaim and positive reviews of both the book and my performances on stage at multiple Festivals, which had been accumulated by this time — not to mention inclusion on the reading list of Manchester Grammar School). I got the impression that this book and its author were not of sufficient fame, gravitas or merit for a Festival as prestigious as Hay.

(No echoes of Catherine Lockerbie — “I don’t normally consider unsolicited approaches, but I just loved Unimagined so much!” —, Wendy Were, Sarah LeFanu, Janet DeNeefe, Katherine Dorrington, Jeni Caffin, Isobel F. Abulhoul.) (Hey! Is there a pattern here? I only get invited to Festivals where the Director is a woman?)

I developed such a strong feeling that Big Publishing was a ‘members only’ club, a kind of closed shop — it was very difficult for an outsider to get in on merit alone (I got the impression that I was a ‘nobody’ trying to present myself as a ‘somebody’, and I was being a nuisance). Of course, ‘public intellectuals’ like Renowned Novelist automatically get invited to Hay whenever they put out anything new.

No matter what I did, at Aurum there was no interest in investing in promotion or distribution of the book. If you went into a bookshop, you would not see it on display and you would be very lucky if they had a copy. (In any case, I hated that dreadful paperback, and I could not visualise it succeeding — the energy was all wrong.)

Aurum (my rather indifferent and unsupportive publisher that never paid any of my airfares) underwent a significant reorganisation; Karen (my wonderful Editor) left the company; and I negotiated a rights reversion — because I had to get this book to a more committed publisher, and get it published in the United States. I also parted company on good terms with my Agent. This project needed a radical reboot.

For the rights reversion from Aurum, I just had to buy 102 unsold copies of the hardback. There were zero unsold copies of the paperback — Aurum had been too afraid to print many copies of the paperback, in case no one bought it.

Someone from Aurum management told me that the reason there were no unsold copies of the paperback is that Aurum had skilfully and expertly calculated the demand for the book and printed exactly the number of copies to precisely meet that demand. (Ye gods!) Again: Aurum was making it clear here that they did not believe this book had any greater potential.

Let’s look at the numbers:

  • Aurum UK Hardback (British English): one print run; 5380 copies sold; 102 copies unsold.
  • Aurum UK Paperback (British English): two print runs; 3369 copies sold; 0 copies unsold.

You can see right away that something was wrong — the hardback outsold the paperback. It’s supposed to be the other way around.

I opposed that unappealing paperback cover design, but additionally the lack of investment in any promotion or effective distribution — despite all of the astonishing breadth of acclaim … it was as if they did not want the book to take off …

WHSmith never stocked Unimagined, despite the extraordinary acclaim. Seriously, what does it take to get a book into WHSmith? What else was going on here?

Lack of any unsold copies of the paperback indicates publication was shut down prematurely. I am willing to assert (without a shred of arrogance) that this was probably the most highly and widely acclaimed book that Aurum has ever published, and yet:

  • the terrible paperback cover,
  • the small font,
  • the unwillingness to add a few pages (one more print signature) for all the high quality, acquired acclaim,
  • the refusal to pay my airfares for international literary festivals to which I was being invited,
  • the refusal to pay a £50 airfare ticket change fee, to enable me to accept an invitation to appear on Australian national television,
  • the refusal to promote the book (visibility at points-of-sale),
  • the reluctance to print more paperback copies (in case they didn’t sell),

… all of this was indicative of an utter indifference (or even a negative attitude) towards the book.

So, Aurum did two rather limited print runs of the paperback, with zero unsold copies, and wanted to call it a day. At this point I could have begged Aurum to do another print run … but I wanted to be rid of them. I asked for the rights reversion. (Dear Reader: I’m sure you will agree that this was the right thing to do.)

I wondered if, perhaps, someone at Aurum had finally realised that the book was not as simple as it looked superficially … and they objected to it …

Unimagined is in my opinion one of the most important books I’ve read in the last couple of years. It’s a quietly subversive masterpiece of militant moderation, and everyone should read it.”
Jonathan Pinnock — writer, blogger

“What a very strange book. There’s more to it than meets the eye … this Trojan horse of a book.”
The Book Magazine

Not what it seems …

I managed to get a job after returning from Byron Bay, but it was in an awful company run by unethical people. They paid me precisely half my previous salary at General Electric and treated me like an intern — and I allowed it (because I was desperate to have a job). What an incredible learning experience! There will be some narrative about this in a later book — but for now suffice to say that, just before Christmas, I was let go (with no notice or pay in lieu) …

At the end of 2009, I was completely broke, heavily in debt, unemployed, out-of-print, and without an Agent.

This was my Dark Night of the Soul.

(‘I saw that … you will touch the lives of millions of people.’ It really wasn’t feeling that way.)

I went to visit my friend Milton in Scotland and played in the beautiful, clean, soft snow, which was knee-deep in places.

No job, no UK publisher, no Agent, no money, enormous debt … the Dark Night of the Soul …

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2010

The Canberra Times published an article about the selection of books which Julia Gillard, the Prime Minister, was keeping in her office.

“I met Jeni Caffin at the Melbourne Writers Festival in September 2009. Jeni wrote and told me about Imran Ahmad … Although our programme for Emirates Literary Festival 2010 was closed, I am so glad I went with my gut instinct… copies of Unimagined sold out.”
Isobel F. Abulhoul — Director, Emirates Airline Festival of Literature (Dubai)

I was out-of-print in the UK. I persuaded my Australian publisher to ship a crate of books to Dubai — these completely sold out after my main event (the last person in the signing queue took the display copy).

Emirates Airline Festival of Literature in Dubai

In Dubai, I met a representative of Bloomsbury Qatar, who said that they wanted to publish the Arabic language version. We shook hands on it. Later, he advised me that the translation project had been blocked by the Government of Qatar’s Ministry of Culture, due to ‘unsuitable content’.

“ … the mark of classic literature is that it goes straight to the heart — no matter the historical or class or ethno-cultural background of both writer and reader … a wonderful book and the chance to reflect again on our shared humanity.”
(Paper) letter from Jim Kable, Australian living in Japan

I began to apply for jobs, as the market was picking up again.

Now that Unimagined had all of this extraordinary acclaim, I wrote to every major UK publisher about the possibility of publishing it (properly, this time) — but no one ever bothered to reply.

Scott Pack again came to the rescue and introduced me to Tom Chalmers of Legend Press, who agreed to publish Unimagined.

Note: this publication was soon shut down when Center Street of Hachette in New York requested global rights (explained in next section). Tom Chalmers is a thoroughly decent gentleman — he concurred that there should be only one global version of this book, and he agreed that Hachette was the better global opportunity. Tom graciously granted me a rights reversion, and all I had to do was buy up the inventory of copies — which I gave to my old school.

Also for Hachette — I also negotiated ANZ (Australia/New Zealand) rights reversion from Murdoch Books. I had to buy the few remaining copies, and my cousin in Sydney put the boxes in his garage (if you knock on his front door, he’ll probably be very happy to give you a copy).

Unable to find a job in London (which would be consistent with my old, embedded patterns and familiar misery), I accepted a wonderful job in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

I stepped out of my comfort zone … and took a job in Malaysia …

From Kuala Lumpur, using only email, I secured Hachette in New York without an Agent.

If you know anything about publishing, you will understand that this was astonishing. Imagine how good the manuscript must have been!

David Young, the CEO of Hachette, assigned me to the imprint Center Street, who wanted all global rights.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

PHILOSOPHICAL INTERLUDE

I was trying to cling to my old life …
… that life with which I was familiar …

I am grateful that I was broke, unemployed and in debt in 2010, and could not find a job in London (which I was desperately seeking, because I wanted to cling to the old patterns which were familiar, although they made me miserable), and I was compelled to take that wonderful job in Kuala Lumpur (I was resisting the upheaval of moving to KL, but it turned out to be an elevating, unimagined experience).

Because … I needed these conditions in order to have the amazing experiences which have made the last decade the best years of my life … experiences I never dreamed of, which I can’t even begin to describe here … Experiences I needed in order to write a sequel which is consistently described as: “Better than the first book!”

Life can turn out unimagined … IF you take that first step … (in Kuala Lumpur, I think I made it on to the celebrity ‘D’ list) …

I’ve dated and loved two extraordinary, beautiful women who read my book overnight and gushed about it … and I’ve dated, loved and married one even more extraordinary and even more beautiful woman who also read it (but took a few days). (Many people have read the book overnight, but I’ve only dated two of them.)

I am truly grateful that Renowned Novelist blocked recognition of my book back in 2007. This journey needed to be slowed down — otherwise I would have written a drab sequel years ago and that would have been catastrophic.
And if the book had won that book award, Aurum might have done another print run … clung onto the rights … not given me the freedom I needed to take the book elsewhere … across the ocean …)
(“Thank you, Renowned Novelist … dear Brother. I am deeply grateful. I wish you well. I’m sorry I didn’t offer you my First Class seat on the train. Please forgive me. Peace and Namaste!”)
[Level 5? Level 5 promotion? Oh, come on, guys … I am being sincere. ]

There are sayings in various traditions which all equate to:
‘You can scheme all you want, but Universe/Tao/ONE/Brahman/’God’ will always out-scheme you.’

I am grateful for everything … including my Dark Night of the Soul.

END OF PHILOSOPHICAL INTERLUDE

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2011

New York, New York

Kate, my skilled Editor at Center Street in New York, insisted that the book had to have more material and an extended ending (the end had to be less ‘open’). I wrote the additional material and converted the whole book into American English.

The marketing people said that Unimagined was too vague a term, and the book was renamed The Perfect Gentleman. This was the new global edition, with Center Street holding all global rights. It had become an even better book (apart from being written in American). This is why global rights had to be in one place (with one Editor) — version control (very important when it comes to sequels).

Global rights with Hachette in New York without an Agent I had really made it! (‘I saw that … you will touch the lives of millions of people.’)

Center Street took ALL global rights (all territories, all languages).

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2012

In Paul Simon’s office in New York, paying him for the permissions to use some of his song lyrics in my book.

Publication of the Center Street US hardback was in April 2012.

Center Street hardback, written in American

irresistible — a charming, laugh-out-loud-funny memoir of a Muslim Pakistani boy growing up in the western world. Full of surprises, hard to put down.”
John Berendt — author of ‘Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

John Berendt at UWRF 2008 in Bali

(I had met John Berendt in Bali in 2008, and I had given him a copy of Unimagined. Even in Bali, he was already reading it and greatly complimenting it. He kindly gave this quote later when I asked him on behalf of Center Street.)

And then we received the amazing Oprah magazine quote and the New York Journal of Books quote and the Maclean’s magazine quote and wonderful reviews and I also received more gushing e-mails.

O, The Oprah Magazine (No 1 in ’10 Titles to Pick Up Now’)

“… having your consciousness raised …”
These extraordinary words indicate that there is more to this book than expected or superficially apparent. Oprah spotted that!

“If you read nothing else this year, discover this book.”
New York Journal of Books

“A feminist and a peacemaker … impatient for the sequel.”
Maclean’s magazine (Canada)

“Imran, you bastard! I’m supposed to be revising for my Congress exam, and picked up your book for “just a bit.” Now I’ve read the whole damn thing! … We have so much in common, I might be your twin.”
Email from Lieut Greg B, Texas National Guard

“Poignant and thought-provoking — a roller-coaster ride of emotional consciousness.”
Autumn Blues Reviews

To accompany the Center Street hardback launch, I conducted another speaking tour road trip of the US (this time two months and nearly 50 cities), and the costs (airfare to/from New York, rental car, hotels/motels, gasoline, meals) were not covered by Center Street — the investment was on my part. (Do many writers do this? Do any ‘famous’ writers bother to do this? Would Renowned Novelist ever do it?)

It was another amazing experience, driving clockwise around the entire mainland United States, starting and finishing in New York — cities, prairies, deserts, mountains, snow, Waffle Houses, IHOPs. It was a spiritual journey, in fact … (well, apart from the waffles and pancakes — that part wasn’t very spiritual …).

I even spoke at the Clinton School of Public Service (arranged by me through contacts): https://youtu.be/JGcpoamfJSw

https://youtu.be/JGcpoamfJSw

“…[a] delightful coming-of-age story that highlights the extraordinary depths of a most ordinary life … a dry, self-deprecating humour that layers every situation with multiple ironies and exploits fantastic comic potential in even the most sobering situations … weaving in the social, educational, political, economic and cultural ethos of a Britain that was coming of age with respect to its immigrant situation … a refreshingly upfront memoir … Ahmad’s search for his identity is without guile and agenda. It is a rare read, both entertaining and educational, and hence qualifies as a memoir in the truest sense of the word.”
DNA India

“… extremely readable and thought-provoking … honest, direct, funny, sensitive … his writing showcases his personality and emotions. The prose is beautiful … Highly recommended.”
BOOK-A-HOLICS

“Packed with self-deprecating humor and charming witticisms … a poignantly honest and intimate memoir recounting his early struggles with race, religion, and relationships … heartfelt revelations about the nature of faith and individuality … an enjoyable and hilarious Bildungsroman.”
Publishers Weekly

So … Oprah magazine, speaking tour, appreciative audiences, wonderful reviews, gushing emails … everything was perfect for the upcoming mass-market paperback

BUT SOMETHING STRANGE AND UNEXPECTED HAPPENED …

Center Street did two prints runs of the hardback in 2012 (the second print run did sell out eventually), but did not produce a mass-market paperback, never used the Oprah quote, never published in UK, Australia or in any foreign languages (despite having insisted on global rights — all languages, all territories — which I had had to arrange by paying for rights reversions from other publishers). (Inexplicably, Center Street did not use any of the brilliant new acclaim, including Oprah, on the second print run of the hardback — the jacket design remained completely unchanged.)

These are factual statements and no criticism of Center Street is implied or to be inferred. The incompatibility between my book(s) and Center Street’s new chosen strategic direction became obvious, self-evident and in the public domain. I remain grateful to the Center Street team for having been willing to embark on this journey with me.

Seven years later, all global rights were reverted to me.

Countless times I asked for correction of the Publication Date on Amazon (for the international trade paperback), but it was never fixed: 1960. (I felt ignored and marginalised.)

I provided Center Street with a draft manuscript of the sequel (as per our contract, Center Street had the right to review this before any other publisher). Center Street then advised me that it would not be publishing the mass-market paperback and the sequel(s). Going forward it would be focused on ‘only Conservative and Military books’.

For a while I had had a ‘feeling’ that Center Street and I were going in different strategic directions. Center Street and me together just hadn’t felt right for a while.

The New York Times recently confirmed that it had been: more than a feeling’.

Self-evident and in the public domain.
Books prominently featured on Center Street’s website until about mid-January 2021 (after which the website had a complete facelift). You may formulate your own opinion as to whether my book(s) could fit in there.

Of course, my book(s) were not consistent with Center Street’s new chosen strategic direction — that is very clear and self-evident.

Center Street had ALL global rights.

Center Street reverted all global rights to me in July 2019 and we went our very separate ways. I remain very grateful to Kate for her expert skills and kind support as my Editor — I wish her all the best.

This experience (this curveball, as the Americans call it) was so extraordinary, it had to be metaphysical.

My yoga teacher said it was an energy block caused by my limiting belief that I couldn’t really be so successful — that I didn’t deserve to succeed.

Obviously, an energy block somewhere …

“An Oprah endorsement, but such obstacles? That is extraordinary, Grasshopper. See how powerful your self-doubt can be!”

It actually worked out for the best, because the sequel I wrote years later was amazing and brilliant (“Better than the first book”) — far better than the mediocre sequel I would have been hurried into writing had Center Street published the mass-market paperback back then.

Once again, I was out-of-print. (And the Oprah quote, which was surely the most valuable endorsement, had never even appeared on any version of the book.) And yet there continued to be glowing acclaim and gushing emails from very diverse readers about what an extraordinary book this was.

“My mother was a real dyed-in-the-wool Republican, with a very dim view of Muslims. I gave her your book to read, she really enjoyed it, and it completely changed her opinion of Muslims (for the better).”
Email from Steve M, Connecticut.

“A must read if you’re looking for a book you won’t be able to put down and are sad at the end because you wish it were a few hundred pages longer.”
The Baker Project

Of course, not everyone has liked this book …

Margaret Bryant is Sales Director at a book publisher.

“This book was so crap. I can’t believe anyone gave it anymore then one star. No redeeming features.”
Kevin Tanner, Sydney — Review on Goodreads

“Crap. No talent and does not come across as a good person. Can’t believe people actually rate it.”
Kevin Tanner, Sydney — Another review on Goodreads

“How can anyone give this shite four stars!”
Kevin Tanner, Sydney — Comment to a review on Goodreads

After a book club meeting in Dubai (by Zoom).

Let’s look at the numbers:

  • Center Street American Hardback (American English): two print runs; 6388 copies sold.
  • Now out-of-print.
  • No mass-market paperback published. No UK edition. No foreign language versions.
  • Amazing acclaim (not used), yet potential completely untapped.
  • All global rights reverted to author.

But the acclaim kept coming. This extraordinary and insightful review completely nails the book (in a good way):

Being out-of-print (again) and with all global rights reverted to me, I rewrote The Perfect Gentleman into British English, and used New Generation Publishing (NGP) to produce a self-published, print-on-demand, proof-of-concept … pending a return to ‘proper’ publication … and to help the next publisher (and foreign partners) visualise how the UK and global mass-market paperback should look … this book which has never existed, with all the acclaim and a decent cover design …

Compare my own proof-of-concept paperback to the last time the British public saw (or didn’t see) the earlier version of this book.

Then I wrote the draft sequel, The Imperfect Gentleman, and produced a print-on-demand, ready-for-Editor, proof-of-concept

‘… even more brilliant.’ Dr Jane Goodall

HOW did DR JANE GOODALL get on the covers?

One morning in October 2021, I woke up to congratulatory WhatsApp messages from American friends who read the New York Times.

The New York Times — Oct 14, 2021

Remember — this book was completely out-of-print, apart from my NGP self-published proof-of-concept!

I sent Dr Jane Goodall my proof-of-concept draft sequel, The Imperfect Gentleman, and this is what she later (in 2022) came back with …

Because I see my publishing journey as part of a broader mission, I applied to be a dearMoon crewmember (https://dearmoon.earth/).

Since I was a boy, I dreamed of this …

This was my (maximum sixty seconds) application video:

https://youtu.be/qokbVBVh1l8

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2022

This came to me on 16th February 2022:

The book has been quoted in academic papers — this is one example.

Children’s Literature Association Quarterly, Volume 47, Number 2, Summer 2022. Published by Johns Hopkins University Press.

Another (earlier) example:

The disjunctive nature of dual identity … exactly!

DESPAIR at the London Book Fair

London Book Fair 2022 at Olympia

Seeking an Agent and/or a new Publisher, I decided to attend the London Book Fair 2022 (5th to 7th April, at Olympia), and I flew to London from Malaysia for this purpose. I designed and had professionally printed the most impressive and attention-grabbing flier on high quality A4 card— which presented the acclaim on one side, and the most informative yet succinct publishing history and proposal on the other side. I went to LBF 2022 with a small wheeled carry-on suitcase filled with copies of my self-published, print-on-demand, proof-of-concept of The Perfect Gentleman and a thick stack of these fliers.

I believe that I can state, without a shred of arrogance, that no other ‘wannabe writer’ at LBF 2022 had such an impressive set of credentials and a proposal, in such a succinct form.

Front of my A4 flier for LBF 2022
Back of my A4 flier for LBF 2022

Let’s be clear: the London Book Fair is for publishing people (Agents, Editors/Publishers etc) to meet and do business with each other. It is not primarily intended for ‘wannabe writers’ to make unsolicited pitches to publishing professionals — our presence there is a nuisance. The publishing people all have their cynical defences firmly up. So, if you’re going to try your luck, your presentation has to be damn good and compelling.

We registered attendees had to queue outside Olympia to be admitted to LBF 2022, showing some form of proof of vaccination on the way in. (Mine was on my smartphone, a digital vaccination certificate from the Ministry of Health — Malaysia.) LBF 2022 was one of the earliest, big international events held in the UK after mask-wearing stopped being mandatory. Thousands of publishing people from around the world went inside Olympia and greeted each other after over two years of restricted travel. About 5% were wearing masks (voluntarily).

I went into that maelstrom and for three days gave my flier to any Agent or Editor who would accept it into their hand. I was met mostly with bored disinterest, cynical eyes giving the flier just a cursory scan.

I have become familiar with all the CEOs and MDs of the Big Five UK publishing houses through the Internet. (Learning about someone from LinkedIn, Twitter or their company website is ‘research’. Standing behind the tree across the road from their house is ‘stalking’.)

I spotted the affable Tom Weldon, CEO of Penguin Random House UK, sitting alone at a small round table on the periphery of the enormous PRH enclosure. He was wearing his favourite brown suede jacket and enjoying afternoon tea. I leaned over the ‘fence’ and very deferentially said to him, ‘Mr Weldon, may I give you this?’ … placing the flier on the table. Then I withdrew, because I did not want to hassle the demigod of UK publishing.

Tom Weldon — CEO of Penguin Random House UK

Discreetly, from a distance, I observed him actually reading the flier (both sides!), while consuming tea and cake. (This is borderline stalking.)

There was a vivacious and elegant woman at the Simon & Schuster stand, in a tasteful, grey business suit, engrossed in her smartphone. OMG! It was the beautiful Suzanne Baboneau — MD of Simon & Schuster UK.

Suzanne Baboneau — MD of Simon & Schuster UK

Feeling about as suave and confident as a teenage boy, I cautiously sidled up to her and spoke succinctly, placing the flier on the table directly in front of her. I mentioned the endorsements of Oprah and Jane Goodall, and she uttered a few languid words of faux appreciation. She was incredibly skillful (and experienced, clearly) at remaining icily detached without appearing rude. Because, obviously, she wanted this unsolicited and intrusive, cold approach to terminate ASAP. Honestly, I think I would have had a better shot asking her on a date (but I could never be so lucky).

Walking about randomly, I ran directly into Charlie Redmayne, CEO of HarperCollins UK, authoritatively dressed in a smart, dark business suit.

Charlie Redmayne — CEO of HarperCollins UK

I politely accosted him and had the courage to speak succinctly about my project, handing him a flier. He listened patiently, respectfully, with empathy — he was not dismissive at all. He methodically folded the flier and slipped it inside his jacket pocket. His last words to me were very thoughtful and reflected the contemplative look on his face: “But why would Hachette drop you?”

As I was pausing to take a standing break, just observing the people and the coming-and-going, a smartly dressed, middle-aged black woman (possibly Nigerian-British) walked past me, speaking in an animated tone on her phone. “Oh my God, Emilia, these publishing people — they are so nasty and rude!” It was obvious that she was another ‘wannabe writer’ making unsolicited approaches, trying to pitch her book, and I could only imagine what an icy and impatient reception she must have been receiving.

At the end of the Fair, one Agent, familiar with me, did speak with me quite frankly — let’s call him ‘X’ (not his real initial). Between deep puffs of a cigarette (we were standing outside the building), X said:

“Imran, we both know that the quality of your book is spectacular, and the acclaim you have received is frankly astonishing. Your flier is brilliant — I’ve never seen anything like it. But the book has a complicated publishing history — I completely get that. Your UK publisher was inept and unsupportive — even though your book had all this acclaim and was selected by Manchester Grammar School on its reading list … that’s pretty amazing. And you got all these invitations to overseas literary festivals and the publisher didn’t support you. They actually killed the book. Then you managed to get a major US publisher who took global rights, and you did that without an Agent … that’s also amazing. That says quality, right there. Then that imprint went off the rails ideologically … right wing, pro-Trump … and dropped your project … they didn’t even use the Oprah quote, went anti-Oprah, in fact. Then, a few months ago, Jane Goodall tells the New York Times the book is ‘brilliant’ — and it’s not even in print! I totally get all this. It’s an extraordinary story. But it’s very complicated. Publishers just won’t be bothered to understand it. Publishers are spineless cowards and they only want to bet on a sure thing, which requires celebrity or notoriety. You don’t have either of those. If your name was Jamie Oliver, they would publish anything with your name stuck on it. But Imran Ahmad doesn’t cut it. I’m sorry — that’s just the way it is.”

(The individual components of this statement by X are reconstructed from my notes, but the spineless cowards part is an exact quote.) (I remember thinking: ‘Thank you, Tarquin, for your honesty and candour.’)

At the end of each day, I was very tired … and after three days of this difficult cold selling at the London Book Fair, I was utterly exhausted. I then tested positive for Covid (unsurprisingly). The next few days were spent sitting in an armchair, with zero energy, supposedly listening to audiobooks … but actually sleeping.

‘MISCARRIAGE of JUSTICE’

Once I felt better, I decided to make another concerted effort to get an Agent. I selected twenty Agents from the Writer’s Handbook 2022, and sent to each of them a copy of the brilliant flier, a copy of the proof-of-concept book, and a personalised letter, with supporting visuals, explaining as succinctly as possible the history of my publishing journey and the strange curveballs which had occurred to prevent the book being presented to the reading public. I gave my email address for a response.

Here we go again …

One of the visuals I presented in the pitch was this one, which basically shows that Dr Jane Goodall’s endorsement in the New York Times is good in any language …

All global rights available …

Surely there was a market for foreign translated versions?

18 of the Agents never bothered to reply.

One Agent replied by email, saying it wasn’t for their agency.

One Agent, Robin Wade, did reply

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Dear Imran,

Thank you for the hard copy of THE PERFECT GENTLEMAN and for all the other material which I’ve read with interest. I think I fully understand your situation and the very frustrating history of TPG, and I do sympathise with you. I suspect you may have suffered the publishing equivalent of a ‘miscarriage of justice’. I’ve also looked at the book on Amazon.com and co.uk and I’ve browsed your website.

Clearly the range and quality of the reviews and quotes you have garnered are exceptional. Taken together they make it all the more extraordinary that the book was never marketed with the usual drive and flair that authors and agents rightly expect from professional publishers. That said, the prior involvement of the likes of Aurum Press and Legend, plus Hachette’s Center Street, undoubtedly make it much harder to find a sympathetic new home. … editors and marketeers can — and probably would — argue that it has had several opportunities already to thrive in the open market and on each occasion it failed to take off, for whatever reason.

However, I keep an open mind and I would like to read the book and form my own judgement on it and its future marketability, if any. So if you can bear with me for a couple of weeks I will give you a considered opinion. If I believe that it indeed still has commercial ‘legs’ then I may well offer to represent you. It would be most convenient if you could kindly email me a PDF or Word.doc version. I’ll acknowledge safe receipt. As it happens my wife and I are off on holiday … and I will read it on my Kindle while away.

Kind regards,

Robin

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Robin Wade took me on as a client and said that he was ‘cautiously optimistic’.

Robin was an excellent Agent, with a reputable history, and I really appreciated that he invested his time in this project. We spent about six months in the Agent-Client relationship. But Robin’s prediction proved correct. He submitted the book to major publishers and there was never any issue over quality. There was simply disinterest because:
‘It’s been published before!’

All the focus was on The Perfect Gentleman. No one was presented with or assessed the draft sequel, The Imperfect Gentleman.

‘PUBLISHED BEFORE’

Aurum
UK Hardback: one print run; 5380 copies sold; 102 copies unsold
UK Paperback: two print runs; 3369 copies sold; 0 copies unsold
Publication terminated; rights reverted

Center Street
US Hardback: two print runs; 6388 copies sold; 0 copies unsold
US Paperback: not published
Publication terminated; rights reverted

Acclaim (Oprah, Dr Jane Goodall, New York Journal of Books, etc.) never used by any publisher.
All global rights available.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

2023

YOU KNOW I’m not giving up, don’t you?

I wrote this publishing journey (a bit more succinctly, and without the metaphysical/mumbo-jumbo components that are presented here) in a generously illustrated email, and sent it individually (‘Dear John …’ ‘Dear Jane …’) to over 400 Editors at the Big UK publishers (Penguin Random House, Hachette, HarperCollins, Bloomsbury, Simon & Schuster, Pan Macmillan, Faber).

This is a bit crazy, but at this stage I just wanted the whole industry to be aware of this journey (and opportunity). My core message is: there has never (‘never say never’) been a book which has received such a breadth and depth of high value acclaim, yet has not been presented to the book reading public.

Remember: Aurum sold 5380 hardbacks and 3369 paperbacks (ineptly and without enthusiasm) and then quit this project (after my wonderful Editor left).
Center Street (of Hachette, New York) took all global rights, sold two US hardback print runs (6388 copies) and then did not publish the mass-market paperback or a UK, ANZ edition, or any foreign language editions etc.
The acclaim just kept coming (e.g.,“It is brilliant …” Dr Jane Goodall in the New York Times, October 2021), but the book wasn’t even in print.
The amazing Oprah endorsement (“Yes, you can laugh while having your consciousness raised …”) was never used by any publisher (except me).

Of the 400+ Editors I wrote to, about five wrote back with supportive messages about this extraordinary story (one calling it a ‘Hero’s Journey’) — but said the book was not the right genre for them.

One of these Editors was exceptionally generous and supportive

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

From an Editor at a Big Five UK publisher:

Dear Imran

Thank you for your email. I read to the end, and whilst I’m so very sorry that you’ve had such a difficult experience, I have no doubt that you will realise your ambitions for your books.

I won’t progress ...

Wishing you every success, and I very much look forward to seeing you achieve your goals.

Very best wishes

‘L’

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

One very senior Publisher wrote back and said he thought it was illegal for me to send him an unsolicited email. (Knobhead!)

One wonderful Editor did engage with me on this project

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

From an Editor at a Big Five UK publisher:

“Hi Imran,

You certainly know how to grab an editor’s attention!

And sustain it. I did indeed read the whole thing through to the bottom and you were right about the twists and turns of this strange (and very frustrating) story.” …

‘A’

She agreed to read the proof-of-concept books …… Later …….

“I’ve really enjoyed your wonderful books — you weren’t lying about the quality — and I’m hugely impressed by your vision and passion for what you’ve created.”

……. Later …….

Ultimately rejected by her marketing colleagues, because: ‘It’s been published before …’

In Big Publishing, it’s the Sales and Marketing people who are the problem for us writers (especially in narrative non-fiction) — they really love Celebrity and Notoriety. They wish they could bottle these and sprinkle them over books.

None of the other 400+ Editors replied at all.

I then wrote to a few more Agents, sharing this publishing journey with them and simultaneously sending them the proof-of-concept book.

A couple replied, ‘Not for this agency’. One sent a very severe reprimand, because I had written to them more than once.

One sent this thoughtful response

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

From a well-known and successful literary Agent:

Dear Imran,

… I did enjoy reading The Perfect Gentleman, and thank you for sending it to us. It is nicely produced, and the cover is a hoot.

You write well, and I like your sense of humour … the testimonials are impressive, as is your perseverance over the hurdles and through the mire that is modern publishing. And the subject — racism, class, corruption, and courage — is more relevant than ever. How could anyone resist?

The answer, as you have already discovered, lies in the caution of today’s editors that almost amounts to cowardice.

… I’m sorry we’re not riding to your rescue, but you seem to be surviving as the Lone Ranger. I wish you the very best of luck.

‘Z’

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

It’s interesting that Z used the same description as X, about Editors’ lack of courage.

RETURN to the RAINFOREST

Once again, I went into the rainforest, to a special place where the water and the trees are charged with magical energy …

In the Malaysian rainforest, magical energy is tangible …

‘By chance’ I met a shaman from America, who was travelling the world carrying very little on his back. (As he explained, throughout the journey everything just worked out …)

In the course of a long conversation, I told him this story of my personal mission, and of looking for an Agent or Publisher for the last three years.

He said: “You’ve been trying the same thing for three years. What’s going to change? You have to do something different.

Finally, something DIFFERENT …

I thought about this whole journey very carefully.

I had spent about three years looking for an Agent and/or an Editor/Publisher, without success.

I had self-published a version which I have been calling a proof-of-concept — but it’s actually the best version of this book that has ever existed — laden with a breadth and depth of acclaim that most publishers can only dream of. (Also, a pleasing font size and quality paper.) But this book could not compete with ‘proper’ books, because it was a very expensive print-on-demand book — so bookshops would not routinely stock it and even on Amazon it was very expensive.

So, I decided to make this a ‘proper’ book. I have now invested a significant sum of my own money to commission a print run of several thousand copies (with the help of NGP) and placed it with Macmillan Distribution, a major global company that distributes books to retail outlets worldwide for, inter alia, Bloomsbury and Pan Macmillan. (A print run makes each unit cost considerably less than print-on-demand.)

Publishers were too cowardly to invest some corporate money, so I have invested my own money because — based on all the feedback I received and all the amazing things which happened, which took me around the world — I truly believe that this is a book which regular people will really enjoy.

So, now it is a ‘proper’ book, available worldwide from inventory at a ‘normal’ price, which bookshops and other retailers can stock easily and make a decent margin on it.

I have had to take this project all the way without the help of an Agent or ‘proper’ Publisher and associated Editor.

If you saw this in a bookshop … would you pick it up?

‘Look at me!’ screams the cover …

Would you look inside?

Would you buy it?

www.unimagined.org

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Thank you for reading this far!

Dear Kind and Patient Reader,

I believe that there is a 95% probability that you have never heard of this book and, even if you have, a 99% probability that you have never seen all this acclaim.

But if you have read this far, my work is done.

I would be very grateful if you would consider sharing this story with anyone to whom it may be of interest.

Please share via:
Medium (link)
Facebook (link)
Twitter/X (link)
LinkedIn (link)

Now a brilliant speaker at UK schools!: (link)

And, of course, I would be even more grateful if you would consider buying/ordering the book from …

  • Any independent bookshop (please support them!). (They should be able to see the book on their system, available from Gardners and from Macmillan Distribution at a healthy discount.)
  • Any bookshop chain e.g., Waterstones, Barnes & Noble, WHSmith etc.
  • Any online retailer, including, of course, Amazon …

You can find the book by clicking here:

The Perfect Gentleman by Imran Ahmad
ISBN: 978–1789556759

The best revenge against Big Publishing would be if you — as a result of the acclaim and reviews you have witnessed here — decide to buy this book which has been kept from your sight.

Independent Bookstores

I would be so grateful if you choose to stock The Perfect Gentleman, now that it is available from Gardners and at a highly discounted price from Macmillan Distribution. I believe that this version of the book is self-selling: a potential reader sees the cover; they pick it up and open it; they are subjected to such a deluge of acclaim (including some ‘negative acclaim’, which I think is important for balance and to create curiosity) — if they don’t decide to buy it, then this book just isn’t for them.

SCHOOLS!
I am now a brilliant speaker at UK schools! Please book your date (this link).

Literary Festivals
Creative Directors! Give me a 90-minute segment at your Festival to deliver my rivetting, high-energy, narrative performance: The Unimagined Path to Publication. Not your usual dry, sombre discussion — the audience will be mesmerised, and this unusual and unique event will get the highest ratings in your online survey. Just look at the feedback from school pupils below (the Excel screenshots)! The literary festival version is more nuanced, with more sophisticated humour, than the schools version.

Book Clubs and Book Groups
I would be delighted and honoured to attend your discussion meeting, to talk about the book and/or the publishing journey — in person if it is logistically possible, but definitely by Zoom (time zones no issue!). Please get in touch. Thank you.

Publishers
All global rights available …

Do you think the headline question presented by this article is valid?
You decide.

How does this journey end?
You decide.

Thank you …
Best wishes,

Imran Ahmad
www.unimagined.org

UK Speaking Tour Road Trips: (link)

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Ian and Suzanne: UPDATE: October 2024

The ready-for-Editor draft manuscript of the third book
The Gentle Man — taking the Path Unimagined
has been completed and can now be submitted to Editors.
[
Ian and Suzanne: the overall story arc of the UNIMAGINED Trilogy is dynamite.]
The
right Editor for the UNIMAGINED Trilogy is a Wise Woman comfortable in the Mind-Body-Spirit/Spirituality genre.
When she reads this publishing journey, she will know that
she is the right Editor. [Ian and Suzanne: you will know who she is.]

Ian and Suzanne:
Suggested PUBLISHING STRATEGY

The Perfect Gentleman — a Muslim boy meets the West
can be republished in 2025 as a
20th Anniversary Edition (I suggest paperback only). (The original, very-short-lived, self-published version was briefly available in 2005.)
Glowing with so much (unused) acclaim, it doesn’t need any more reviews — it just needs to be visible.
Potentially a
readymade bestseller with so much extraordinary acclaim — the general public will be astonished that they’ve never seen or heard of it before. This book should be in Sainsbury’s and Tesco.

The Imperfect Gentleman — on an Unimagined Journey
can undergo an editorial review with the right Editor and be published 6–12 months later. (I suggest straight to paperback.)

The Gentle Man — taking the Path Unimagined
can be published 6–12 months later. (I suggest straight to paperback.)
This needs a partnership journey with the right Editor, because there is
so much quality material which potentially could be used. The draft manuscript is currently 70,000+ words, but can easily be taken to 100,000 words.

The UNIMAGINED Trilogy can then be published as a paperback box set.

Ian and Suzanne:
First Book Promotion Strategy (inter alia)
I am now a highly regarded and sought-after schools speaker, and I am using this opportunity to get The Perfect Gentleman established as a core read.
I am also expanding into corporate speaking. If I can hold the attention of an entire (57 pupils and 30 staff) Special Needs school (ADHD, autism, disruptive behaviour, etc.) for one hour without a break, I can definitely engage and entertain corporate audiences. (Testimonials available.)

https://www.unimagined.org/page-speaking-tour-2024
Invitation email from a school.
Feedback email from a school student.

Feedback on my Performance as a Schools Speaker
Data provided by Simon Langton Girls’ Grammar School in Canterbury, Kent.
Subsequent to a full day of narrative performances on Tuesday 22nd October 2024.
Delivered in five separate class sessions to the entire Year 9.
All students were invited, not mandated, to complete the survey.

Feedback from a Year 9 audience: time-limited 50-minute narrative performances — no time available for Q&A or general discussion …

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —APPENDICES

  1. The Publishing Industry, Renowned Novelist(s) and ‘Regular’ People
  2. The Unimagined Trilogy: The Perfect GentlemanThe Imperfect Gentleman The Gentle Man

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Appendix 1:
The Publishing Industry, Renowned Novelist(s) and ‘Regular’ People

‘I could describe those events and years of separation in heartrending, excruciating six-hundred-page detail, but this is not that kind of book. (This story will proceed mercifully briskly and you will not be tortured along the way.)’
Extract from opening of Unimagined/The Perfect Gentleman

From the outset, I had a very clear intention that I wanted to write a book which was for regular people — not literary snobs or adulators of the writer I have dubbed (in the story above) ‘Renowned Novelist’. A book that was enjoyable and easy to read, and yet insightful, informative, philosophical, thought-provoking, challenging … and ultimately served a useful purpose for humanity collectively. (It’s actually going to take several books — the Unimagined Trilogy — for me to get anywhere close to this useful purpose for humanity.)

It seems to me that there is a gap in contemporary publishing. Intelligent and cerebral books are often hard work to read. In fact, ‘Renowned Novelist’ has stated quite clearly: “I don’t really write for readers.” His books are an unpleasant struggle to read (that is my personal opinion). And yet the publishing industry prints and re-prints his books. (Just to be absolutely clear: ‘Renowned Novelist’ is not Sir Salman Rushdie — who is a brilliant intellect and an extraordinary writer … and actually quite modest.)

On the other hand, books which are easy to read are often trite, formulaic and inconsequential. The publishing industry is thus condescending to the masses of ‘regular’ people, who are intelligent — but wish to enjoy reading … who are looking for an ‘easy read’.

FOUR entire bookcases of ‘Teen Paranormal Romance’

But regardless, Celebrity and Notoriety always trump Quality.

My Booky Wook (published by Hodder & Stoughton; memoir of sex-addiction, drug-addiction, alcohol-addiction) and Unimagined (rejected by all the major UK publishers; memoir of evolving consciousness) were published at about the same time. If you went into a bookshop, My Booky Wook would be pushed in your face, but Unimagined was nowhere to be seen. Big Publishing is a closed shop — Celebrity and Notoriety get you in; Quality does not.

It was my intention to write an intelligent book for regular people, and I believe that I succeeded.

Intelligent, thought-provoking, insightful, informative, provocative — but READABLE, enjoyable, funny …

What do you think?

The UK publishing industry expected, from a writer of Muslim background, only a misery memoir or an Islamist memoir or a criminal memoir — that was made absolutely clear when the manuscript was first presented to the major publishers. Why couldn’t a Muslim writer be a scientific rationalist, a liberal progressive and a feminist? (Screw you, ***holes!) (I’m sorry, dear Reader — I’m still feeling a little bit angry about this.)

This journey above has related my experience and the astonishing feedback the book has received from all quarters — despite never being supported or promoted by a major publisher (very few people have ever seen or heard of this book). And now — despite all this priceless and high value acclaim — UK publishers still won’t take it on because: “It’s been published before …” (Ye gods!)

‘PUBLISHED BEFORE’

Aurum
UK Hardback: one print run; 5380 copies sold; 102 copies unsold
UK Paperback: two print runs; 3369 copies sold; 0 copies unsold
Publication terminated; rights reverted

Center Street
US Hardback: two print runs; 6388 copies sold; 0 copies unsold
US Paperback: not published
Publication terminated; rights reverted

Acclaim (Oprah, Dr Jane Goodall, New York Journal of Books, etc.) never used by any publisher.
All global rights available.

I feel like David taking on Goliath in the public domain. I have had to carry this project forward by myself: first, self-publishing, and now, investing my own money in a print run to create inventory like a ‘proper’ book. This story is my marketing strategy. And you, dear Reader, are the judge. Will you buy this book, now that it’s a ‘proper’ book and not an expensive print-on-demand book?

New York Times, 14 October 2021 — but the book wasn’t even in print.
The Oprah quote was never used and no mass-market paperback was published.

You can find the book by clicking here:

The Perfect Gentleman by Imran Ahmad
ISBN: 978–1789556759

www.unimagined.org

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Appendix 2:
The Unimagined Trilogy:
The Perfect GentlemanThe Imperfect Gentleman … The Gentle Man

A few test readers have read the proof-of-concept of the sequel: The Imperfect Gentleman.

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I sent a copy of the first book, The Perfect Gentleman, to a famous British actor, because he is mentioned in it. He was reading it, sometimes out loud to his partner Helen, but hadn’t quite finished it when he died in January 2020. Helen contacted me to tell me how much he had been enjoying it.

Helen read the sequel, The Imperfect Gentleman. She wrote to me at 3:30am UK time.

From: Helen
Sent: 10 April 2020 3:30 a.m.
To: Imran Ahmad
Subject: Finished it.

Oh Mr Ahmad

What a very clever man you are. “ keep em wanting” is the saying that pops to mind. I left the last 20 or pages to read in bed as is my custom. However by 10pm l couldn’t not keep my eyes open, l had been reading all day in the sun and had not slept well the night before and really was exhausted. I woke at 2.15 and have just finished it.

I loved the first book but this is far superior. It’s an excellent. It is un-putdown-able (if that is indeed a word) and still annoyingly unfinished (of course).

Wow!

If only we all thought like you there would be no wars and no hatred.

If only we could all accept we are different in our beliefs and opinions but embrace each others views, learn about each other, and that way understand and be open to others ideas as not being wrong but simply different. We have this wonderful power of speech, but when used with anger and ignorance it can be deadly. I had launched into a really long text but have deleted it.

Well done Imran. It’s been a pleasure to read your two books. I will remember what l was doing in 2020 as many will for obvious reasons, but l will also remember the inspiration and hope your book has given. Thank you on behalf of … again and

Thank you from me for sharing “you” with us.

You make us feel we know you.

With love respect

Helen

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This came in on LinkedIn messaging, from a former colleague James B, now the Chief Financial Officer of an investment firm in London. He’s referring to the sequel.

“I finished your book on Saturday. It was one of those books that leaves you feeling deflated as you near its end. Let me explain! As you progress, you realise there are only 70 pages left, then 50, then 20, until all too soon, that particular story (one which you have thoroughly enjoyed) has come to an end.”

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Bruce Elder, formerly literary reviewer of The Sydney Morning Herald, on Facebook Messenger:

“I have read it … and I love it. The same old Imran — so honest and so truthful to the travails of life. You should be very proud — and I really did learn so much about your life.”

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Yvonne P of Bristol, who wrote to me years ago after serendipitously being given the first book. On Facebook Messenger:

“I got my reading glasses eventually and read your book today. In a day! I couldn’t put it down. It’s astonishing and rich and poignant and I love love love it.

I loved the non-linear Time approach. Our lives are tangles of different threads, yet we are programmed to see life in linear form. Yet how often do we think “if I hadn’t done that, this would never have happened” and we still don’t see the tangles and synchronicity which are open doors into mysteries. The way you have presented your book connects the mysteries. And it enables the reader to see you unfold and grow in a very real way. We don’t just grow from egotistical child to empathetic selfless adult we are a tangle of everything, over and over. Your accounts of road rage battles, for example, are my own — even at 60 I feel compelled to be first off at the lights and to block anyone who dares to try to cut in front of me. It’s just one of the threads, weaving through my own tangle. You are so brave and honest and endearing. I will write an amazon review this week. Why isn’t your book more publicised? Why isn’t it top of the charts? I don’t get it.”

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My doctor in Malaysia, Dr S, and his wife, on WhatsApp:

“Ayiooooo its was just fantastic — easy reading and so much flavour in it — was a pleasure reading it — tq so much. Not as funny as the first book and understandably as it was an adult phase. Despite that was hugely entertaining.”

“Great storytelling and I got thrilled when I recognised names of Darhim & Salwah and the description fit. Look forward to the next book!”

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WhatsApp message from YK, a lawyer in Kuala Lumpur, who read the first book in 2010.

The Imperfect Gentleman is the perfect title of your sequel. Although it does not follow linear chronology, it skilfully weaves your experiences together to tell the story of your journey to untangle your absolute certainties towards awakening. Absolute fearless honesty. The wait was worth it.”

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