There’s a Cloud of Fear Inside me
A lot is going on inside my heart
If only my hand could express what is in my heart
— Seven Years in Tibet
There’s a reason most of my articles are about myself, sometimes criticizing, complaining, crying, a few times laughing, and a lot of time talking to the walls.
Writing gives me comfort, even if I write very rarely, even when no one reads it, it gives me pleasure that I have drafted down everything that’s going on in my heart and mind. It is like a friend who’s always listening.
So here’s another from my heart and mind.
A fear has taken over me, or a tension which sometimes rules my whole mind. I am getting afraid of losing things, like job, people, money, etc. Maybe this is why I am not even enjoying my job as well as I used to.
What if I lose my job, how do I then pay my bills? I might not, but the fear is running in my veins it seems. I always say to myself to take things on a day-to-day basis, but then forget it the other day and the same thing creeps into my mind again, until I find something new for solace.
I even think I am not justifying my work, I am not sure about it though, so I fear losing my job. It’s like a cycle running around me.
To be honest I don’t even know what I want to write about this feeling, it’s just there making me nervous and scared. There is another solace I found from the same movie quote and hope it does me something good.
If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. If it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good
— Seven Years in Tibet
For now, I am going with this one.
I will wait for things to change inside me, and so I am waiting to write again in response to this one about the good things.
Until then Goodbye.
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