Abusing Double Standards
Domestic violence is something not accepted within society, so why is it that our society holds a double standard for such a serious dilemma? Exploring/reflecting on this topic for prep work under the guidance of the love educator, Elise McKenna.
In life, there will be good relationships, but there will also be toxic relationships. Toxic relationships consist of a “toxic partner” who mistreats their significant other emotionally, verbally, and/or physically. The thing about these relationships is that not all relationships start off like that. It can be something that is developed over time or there from the very beginning but becomes more apparent as time goes on. Because there’s this sense of attachment and bond within relationships, the lines begin to become blurred for the two partners, and it may become harder to distinguish what abuse is for the partner. In some relationships, the abuse makes it harder to leave, meaning the domestic violence won’t stop. It pushes the notions that “No one else will love you” or “You wouldn’t leave me because you need me.” It’s this idea of tug-a-war where the “toxic partner” pulls a lot to the point where their partner is close to losing, but then, the “toxic partner” relieves the strength, making the relationship calmer. This is a serious dilemma that should be brought to awareness because no one should ever have to experience and stay in that toxic relationship. It’s not good for the physical state, emotional state, or mental state. Our perception in relationships can be blinded by the sweet whispers and cute actions, but it is possible to be blinded by these things to dismiss big issues such as mistreatment.
“And that’s why we stay longer than we should…because it hurts to watch something you transform into something you should hate. We sit and wait for it to return to its original state, in denial as we ignore the fact that what we see was always there and what is now, will always be.” — R.H.Sin
Despite how unanimous looking down on abuse is in our society, it sure doesn’t stop people from enforcing these double standards. Females are NOT the only people who can be abused. As shown in this video, people were more likely to react with a female being abused by a male in the relationship. However, at the same time, males that were abused were seen as a more amusing spectacle, one that wasn’t taken as seriously (despite how physical she started acting against him). And this is only scratching the surface. Every relationship is different. People were tested in the video with male and female actors, portraying a straight couple. There can be abuse in ANY relationship to ANY person, and nothing will ever make it okay. Some may take advantage of these double standards to get away with immoral behaviors. Some of which have said things, like in this Buzzfeed post, that have really hurt and stung those that they abused, forcing them to live with those memories. Why is it that people would be more vocal on an abused woman’s behalf than a man? It is hard to admit when something bad is happening to you as it can “lower your masculinity”, but that isn’t the problem. The problem is solely rooted on abusing the love that one gives wholeheartedly to justify the behaviors of an abuser. Even more so, abusing the love of their partner to guilt them into staying. These relationships are toxic. It’s important to raise awareness on the issue because this issue can affect not only the general person in society but the people that are close to us. Because there are societal pressures and norms that people associate certain groups with, it discourages the abuse victims from coming forward about their abuse for fear of social retribution. The first step to deal with this issue (whether you are in a toxic relationship or not) is to learn how to identify the signs that you/someone you know is in a toxic relationship. From there, you can evaluate the situation and figure out what is the best course of action. Often times, it may entail the support of others which is very difficult to admit abuse to, but it’s better to know that there’s someone that has your/the person you know’s back to support you/that person you know through the difficulties that may arise.
Here are some resources regarding abusive relationships:
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline Website
- 21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
- 15 Crucial Warning Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship
- Whittier College Title IX Information (Making anonymous reports, coordinators will not take action unless given permission, gives resources, etc.) — This one applies to bullying, domestic violence, dating violence, false reports, sexual assault, non-consensual misconduct, hazing, harm to others, stalking, harassment, etc. So, one can definitely make use of this resource in more than one field.
