Walking groggily through a sunlit JFK Terminal 4, rounding Shake Shack towards baggage claim, I let myself, just for an instant, imagine the feeling of winning the Premier League title.

I’d just touched down after my annual North American winter sojourn in Hawaii to soak up desperately needed Vitamin D and strong Mai Tais alongside my Australian family. Only days earlier, some 11,000+ kms away in Liverpool, my beloved Reds had triumphed in an all-time classic against fellow title contenders Manchester City. Though I slept through the game — kickoff was at 3am HAST — I was quickly awakened to the gravitas of our win. …

Discovered an inbox fossil from an old friend? It’s time to press “reply”.

<Warm salutation!>

<Well-meaning, apologetic statement explicitly referring to the unspeakable length of time between correspondences.>

<Longwinded excuse that speaks to some life-draining force in your recent past. If you’d like to sound impressive, try one of the following: incredibly busy travel schedule, side-project in which you’ve been totally immersed, or counting up all those Instagram likes. However, what you really should say here is: “I am a fucking shambles with an unread email count greater than my bank account.”>

<Short probe into their wellbeing; often includes mention of some recent event(s) in their life and/or inquiries into the good health of their spouse, child, or dog.> …

Bringing some “real” to real-time marketing.

THIS. YEAR’S. WORLD. CUP. WAS. AMAZING. Ask anyone. Especially Social Media Managers (Disclosure: I am one of these) and Germans (Disclosure: I am not one of these). As the first truly Twitter-fied tournament, brands and agencies did everything in their power to shoehorn into real-time football moments.

Allow me to demonstrate:

“What a save!” — discount retailer

“Great assist!” — logistics company / hospital specializing in child birth

“Red card!” — insurance company

“That’s a clear booking!” — hotel / car rental

“Goal!” — bank / financial planning

The sum total of which is this…

(via The Awl)


James Aviaz

Excellent with words and internet.

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