Walking groggily through a sunlit JFK Terminal 4, rounding Shake Shack towards baggage claim, I let myself, just for an instant, imagine the feeling of winning the Premier League title.
I’d just touched down after my annual North American winter sojourn in Hawaii to soak up desperately needed Vitamin D and strong Mai Tais alongside my Australian family. Only days earlier, some 11,000+ kms away in Liverpool, my beloved Reds had triumphed in an all-time classic against fellow title contenders Manchester City. Though I slept through the game — kickoff was at 3am HAST — I was quickly awakened to the gravitas of our win. …
<Well-meaning, apologetic statement explicitly referring to the unspeakable length of time between correspondences.>
<Longwinded excuse that speaks to some life-draining force in your recent past. If you’d like to sound impressive, try one of the following: incredibly busy travel schedule, side-project in which you’ve been totally immersed, or counting up all those Instagram likes. However, what you really should say here is: “I am a fucking shambles with an unread email count greater than my bank account.”>
<Short probe into their wellbeing; often includes mention of some recent event(s) in their life and/or inquiries into the good health of their spouse, child, or dog.> …
THIS. YEAR’S. WORLD. CUP. WAS. AMAZING. Ask anyone. Especially Social Media Managers (Disclosure: I am one of these) and Germans (Disclosure: I am not one of these). As the first truly Twitter-fied tournament, brands and agencies did everything in their power to shoehorn into real-time football moments.
Allow me to demonstrate:
“What a save!” — discount retailer
“Great assist!” — logistics company / hospital specializing in child birth
“Red card!” — insurance company
“That’s a clear booking!” — hotel / car rental
“Goal!” — bank / financial planning
The sum total of which is this…
Sure, some brands really do have the right to speak with authority about football (see: Nike, Adidas, and potentially FIFA). However, they are few and far between. Sorry, sugary carbonated drink and salted snack combo. …