NES Games No One Played: Letter F

That’s right, I’m not stopping til I’ve made it through the entire alphabet of obscurity!

I’ve got a pretty extensive NES collection and have for years been writing about the best games for the system while also trying to collect every title. As such, I feel like I’ve spent tons of time playing all the great games while the lesser known titles usually come in the mail and go straight onto the shelf. I wanted to make more of an effort to explore the entire library of the NES, not just the classics, and so I’m trying out some buddies I either popped in and immediately out or never played in the first place. Since I’ve got them organized alphabetically, let’s continue on with the Letter F.

• Letter A can be found here
• Letter B can be found here
• Letter C can be found here
• Letter D can be found here
• Letter E can be found here

FARIA: A WORLD OF MYSTERY AND DANGER! | 1991

I almost feel remiss in reviewing this game because so many of the titles I’ve covered have been total dodos, but Faria is both an obscure game and…a kinda good one to boot. And that subtitle? BELISSIMO.

Did you know your main character is female? You’d never know it because your nameless ambiguous protagonist says nothing and is the size of a bright red fingernail, but according to the cover of the Famicom release, dude that’s a lady. Compare that to the King Arthur aggro representation of the North American release. AMERICA!

Faria is one of those games that along with Crystalis, Arkistra’s Ring, Willow, and Startropics are common search results for “what other games like Zelda are there for the NES?” For years I’ve followed this thread across multiple systems for titles like Beyond Oasis, Terranigma, and Crusader of Centy because you know what? THE ZELDA FORMULA IS THE BEST EVER. Ever! It goes Zelda ripoff > Metroid Ripoff > Grand Theft Auto Ripoff > Golden Eye Ripoff.

Just go with it, let’s not debate ;)

So Faria, Faria is kinda like a combination of Legend of Zelda and Dragon Warrior. You have random encounters on a world map and getting to the next portion of the game requires a ton of grinding and weapon/armor upgrading before you advance (a la Dragon Warrior), but the catch is that when these random encounters occur it switches to a Zelda plane style of combat. And truly if each of these sections was executed as well as those two games separately or combined, it’d be the greatest NES game released. Alas, Faria has far more in common with DW than LOZ especially in the grinding department. I know, it’s the 8-bit era, rpgs back then couldn’t do 60+ hour story arcs and thus relied more on constant random encounters to fill the gameplay. And for sure, there are games I love that are similar to Faria that require grinding for gold, like the aforementioned Crystalis and Willow, but in those cases the process is infinitely more satisfying.

For example, in the very first area of the game you’ll want to get together as much of the low level armor and weapons as you can, including a Dirk, a Shield, a Pelt, and a Wooden Bow. They’re nothing special, but entirely needed to not die immediately in the next section of the game. You start off with enough money to buy two of those items, then the king gives you more gold so you can buy a third, but the last one? Fuck, here we go. Each battle you enter in the plains will yield 0–3 gold (you can go in the woods where the bad guys drop more, but you will for sure get merked), and the bow costs 120 goldsies which means you’ll need to fight an average of 60 random encounters to get that much gold. Except that you take damage in these fights, and in order to heal yourself you’ll also need to spend money. So back to the village you’ll go, spending that cash on an obvious rub and tug revitalization, and then back out into the crushing gears of medieval princess rescuing. It took me over a half hour to get enough money for just this one stupid thing.

Compare this scenario with Faxanadu. At the very beginning of that game, there’s a shop that sells the very best spell and shield, two things you cannot afford and will not get another chance to buy until the very end. You can either wait like a sane person, or go crazy and hang out in this area for a while tediously killing the same enemies over and over until you can afford these exorbitantly priced accessories. Like Faria, each item will take about a half hour to obtain, but that’s for THE BEST VERSION OF THAT ITEM IN THE ENTIRE GAME. In Faria this is just for a basic rinky dink bow, WITH NO ARROWS. No thanks!

Similar Games: Legend of Zelda, Crystalis, Dragon Warrior, Final Fantasy

FIST OF THE NORTH STAR | 1989

Fist of the Northstar has a very special place in my heart. Growing up, my best friend and I would catch episodes of the original series back in the 80s. I have no idea how he got into it, but he was also given Watchmen to read at 10, so clearly he had influences beyond his age. Later one of my best friends from college was equally obsessed with Fist, Mars Volta, and Sandman, so if you’ve ever wondered what the common thread of awesomeness is, <hint hint> it’s goddamn Fist of the Northstar. The series is amazing: super simple, super violent, super inventive. The 2000s remake was also ah-mazing. And the NES game?

Well, it’s better than I expected…for the time. In graphics, music, and gameplay, it’s like a slightly more dynamic version of Kung Fu; enemies run straight at you constantly, and you slowly waddle your ass through ancient Japanese temples and towns etc. The biggest difference is how much more powerful Kenshiro is than…hmm actually I don’t know what the Kung-Fu guy’s name is. You can collect stars from dead enemies that upgrade your attacks, so now Kenshiro can rapid fire punch, kick, jump kick, and when you’re fully powered up you rip off your shirt and shoot fireballs! You may wonder, “why should I punch vs kick, what’s the difference?” Well, the difference is only that if you kick someone, they fly harmlessly off the screen but if you punch someone, they start twitching like mad, their skull balloons up in size, and then THEIR FUCKING HEAD EXPLODES! It’s awesome!

The downside? Well it’s just a clunky average action title. It’s not the worst one I’ve played, but it’s definitely no Kickmaster or anything. Kenshiro controls very awkwardly: to jump you press up on the controller, and there are for sure times when you cannot get him to jump no matter how hard you mash that button. The plus side is, that Kenshiro jumps like he’s leaping on the moon, so high in fact that he jumps over the scoreboard at the top of the screen. And I have no idea why he’s able to do this, but more importantly I cannot figure out what the function of this is. There’s no one to fight way the fuck up there. The hit detection is pretty rough and the enemy AI alternates between child’s play easy to trying to catch an egg barehanded hard. The second level is the world’s most awkward maze and after perpetually banging my head on the ceiling and running the timer to zero over and over without progressing, I decided to call it quits.

Similar Games: Kung Fu, Dragon Power, Wrath of the Black Manta

FLYING WARRIORS | 1991

I wanted to review the prequel to this, Flying Dragons, without knowing it was a prequel. And you’d never really know that they are related because they are radically different games. Flying Dragons is an annoyingly typical Japanese “jump around ancient towns while ninjas fly atcha” kinda game. Flying Warriors on the other had is something entirely different. It may be one of the most unique games on the system and something I was totally not expecting. Flying Warriors is an action Platformer, that’s somewhat open ended, has rpg elements like upgradable weapons and spells, and is also a one on one fighter. Phew!

The combat fluctuates between Kung-Fu style beat-em up to these Karate Champ style fights where a star indicates where you can hit your opponent and where they are trying to hit you. As such you have to choose to hit high, low, or medium on your opponent, while also avoiding/blocking those same attacks on you. It’s a little clunky for sure, but for an 8-bit game it’s a surprisingly competent fighting mechanic.

The graphics and sound are pretty damn good. You’re character, Rick Stalker, kinda looks like a Double Dragon brother designed by Natsume and the backgrounds and enemies are also really well rendered. The fighting is as I mentioned a little clunky. Not broken or anything, just very challenging and there’s a ton of these fights throughout the game so you better get good at it quick. Beyond that, the game just has so much packed into it that it really is a treat to find after all these years collecting NES games. There’s lot’s of different gameplay modes, tournaments, optional sidequests, plus the variety of spells, weapons, and new moves is really impressive. Not to mention you can eventually transform into a superhero and switch between any of your four homies you meet along the way. And this is a HUGE game, an average video walkthrough is 2–6 hours on Youtube so if you do pick this cartridge up prepare yourself for the long haul.

Similar Games: Little Samson, Karate Champ, Kickmaster

FREEDOM FORCE | 1988

If there’s one thing I’m going to be a hater on the NES for, it’s the games developed for it’s accessories. R.O.B.? Yeesh. The Power Pad? Short Order / Eggsplode is passable. The Power Glove? Get the fuck out of here. And the Zapper? Well…

Duck Hunt is king shit: it’s super fun, satisfying, and I’d honestly say a better experience than Lethal Enforcers or Revolution X. After that? Wild Gunman? Gunsmoke? Bill Barker’s Trick Shooting? Naw player, you’ve been looking in the wrong direction. Face south, and behold Freedom Force.

Made by Sunsoft who also made such NES classics as Blaster Master, Gremlins 2, Batman, and my personal favorite the PAL exclusive Ufouria. You can choose between either Rad Rex, who looks like Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner, or Manic Johnson, who looks like Faith era George Michael. In fact, I’m 100% sure that’s Rutger Hauer on the box art. I love that your “Function” is Terminator/Combat and his “Mission” is Neutralize Terrorists. BAD-ASS. You think he’s got that on his business cards?

The gameplay of Freedom Force is essentially an 8-bit version of Lethal Enforcers. You’ll have to kill an insane amount of potato sack on their heads terrorists all while avoiding civilians and hostages. The civilians? Not too hard to miss. The hostages? I mean it seems like they’re giving you the “bad guy is holding a gun to your friend so you’ve got to make the impossibly tight headshot” scenario, but every time I try I just shoot the bad guy, I annihilate the hostage right in the gut. It’s horrifying. Then I remembered that the Zapper does not have the shooting precision of a few heads-width of pixels, and I’m just wasting my time trying to Lethal Weapon this bisch.

In your pursuit of these bagmen, and yes they are called that in the game, you’ll visit a highjacked airplane (too soon!) with a million exterior doors, a highjacked jetway which is a physical space I was unaware could be jacked in the first place, then the airport concourse, then the area outside the airport, then into the city; I mean holy shit these bagheads really expanded the scope of their operation once they flew into the country at the beginning of the game. My only hit against this game is that the locations didn’t continue to comically spiral out until you’re clearing the terrorists out of the White House, The Taj Mahal, The Great Wall of China, and finally THE MOON. Anyway, eventually you will defeat enough bad guys to rescue the girl and get an adorable cheek kiss cutscene. Such a wholesome reward for your epic Commando levels of super murdering.

Similar Games: Mechanized Attack, Laser Invasion, Operation Wolf

FUN HOUSE | 1991

Pop quiz hotshot, do you remember the early 90s game show Fun House? You do? Sorry, I wasn’t expecting that! Well shit, you are officially Mayor Cool Guy of Obscure Town, but myself I have never heard of Fun House. Turns out it was a real kids program on Fox that’s as close to a Double Dare rip-off as you can possibly get. I mean as far as turning lesser known properties into video games, there are a ton of questionable choices for licensed titles on the NES, everything from Remote Control to Zen the Intergalactic Ninja, but I think Fun House might be the most WTF of them all.

Unlike the other game show titles like Double Dare and Remote Control, Fun House resembles nothing like its wacky “teams get gross and solve puzzles” style of gameplay. Instead it’s an overhead view / mini-rooms style game kind of like a really crappy version of Smash TV, and like that game it kind of has a PG Running Man vibe to it. The goal is the same in every level: find all the manhole cover things and shoot them until a key appears. Each level is timed, which along with un-killable enemies and conveyor belts that change your direction around, create some of the difficulty of the game. SOME.

The rest of the difficulty is created by the horrendous controls. I mean AWFUL. You’re character is on rollerblades which already gives you the slippery ice-level style physics. On top of that, you can only move by holding down the A button, otherwise homeboy just spins aimlessly in place. Once you do move it’s like pushing a shopping cart while simultaneously trying to draw spirographs. It’s so difficult to control the direction you want rollerboy to go to, and even once you do get to a manhole, you’ll find yourself more often than not hopelessly rotating around it while you pathetically miss your target over and over. You kind of get used to the control shittiness over time, but once you feel like you’re finally in control the extra obstacles and the short time limit just do you in.

I really can’t recommend this title in anyway. It’s boring, repetitive, impossibly difficult to control, frustrating as fuck. The only thing I like is making fun of the lost Wahlberg looking motherfucker who hosts the show and the rad looking model of the molecule that makes up the early backgrounds. Other than that…next!

Similar Games: Smash TV

OTHER LETTER F GAMES (CLASSICS)

Faxanadu, Final Fantasy, Felix the Cat, Fire N’ Ice

OTHER LETTER F GAMES WORTH TRYING

Flight of the Intruder, F-117A Stealth Fighter, F-15 Strike Eagle (I haven’t played any of these, but if you’re into flight simulators, the Letter F is chock full of em’!)

OTHER LETTER F GAMES WORTH AVOIDING

Flying Dragon: The Secret Scroll, All the Fisher Price games, Flintstones Surprise at Dinosaur Peak