My Top 3 Lessons for 6 Life Areas This 2023
Biggest takeaways in Personal Development & Productivity, Writing, Career, Finances, Fitness, Relationship, and Spirituality.
Personal Development & Productivity
Rejoice in the journey, not the just destination.
From a young age, we’re taught to celebrate when we hit our goals, but that sends the wrong message.
If we only celebrate accomplishments, it makes day-to-day feel unbearable, long-term goals feel torturous, and the daily grind seems useless. A goal-centric vision cultivates an unhealthy do-or-die mentality. It places our self-worth in the unreliable hands of temporary glory.
Instead of celebrating only the destination, celebrate your journey as well.
Take pride in the stability of your systems and the thoroughness of your execution.
Cultivate both internal and external motivation.
It’s unhealthy to only have one.
Seeking only external validation makes you crave the unattainable approval of others while having only internal motivation makes it difficult to listen to feedback.
Instead, always hold these two in a respectful balance.
Humble yourself and seek feedback from others, but don’t rely on their claps or jeers.
Enjoy your craft for its own sake — strive for mastery not because doing so will earn you praise but because it is who you are.
Repeat an action to get better at it.
There is no other way to master something, other than repetition.
If you want to get better at running, run every week. If you want to be fit, exercise regularly. If you want to be a better writer, write every day.
But simple repetition isn’t enough — there has to be an element of optimization. What separates the insane from the master is improvement.
Striving for growth makes us sane and fulfills our potential.
Doing the same thing over and over is insanity. Doing the same thing over and over, while steadily improving, is mastery.
Career
Learn the art of the pivot.
Life is messy, and time is irretrievable.
So many people fall into the trap of committing to something wrong for them, simply because they’ve already invested so much time, money, and effort.
Instead, permit yourself to change direction if something isn’t working.
But how do you know when to commit? How do you know when to cut your losses and change direction?
A big part of the pivot is discernment. Ask yourself the hard questions, set rational standards, and listen to your gut. Most importantly, once you choose a direction — stick to it.
Overcome your fear of self-promotion.
You are not special.
Nobody owes you their irreplaceable time and attention.
Thus, if you want to (or have to) stand out, you need to make peace with self-promotion.
But you don’t have to be a cringey wannabe “influencer.” Promoting yourself online means adding value, connecting with people, and finding your voice. Find the medium to display your skills while still being at peace with yourself.
Above all, remember that while the world is evil, most people are kind.
Embrace the new game. Fortune used to favor the bold. Now, they favor those who self-promote.
Put yourself out there.
Work towards career antifragility.
Modern careers are fragile: they are built on unreliable governments, volatile economies, and incompetent bosses.
But it’s possible to cultivate antifragility in your career path.
Antifragile things grow from chaos. They are not just sturdy, and not just resilient. They take the uncertainty and come out stronger than before.
It’s my firm belief that one can design an antifragile career. Here is my game plan:
- Develop an antifragile mindset,
- Increase work options minimize vulnerabilities, and
- Adopt a barbell (low risk, high reward) approach to income generation.
Finances
Recognize the subjectivity of money.
Money is heavily contextual. How we use it, how we think about it, our beliefs surrounding it — everything is subjective. No TikTok money hack will overcome your bad spending habits.
Thus, take the time to discover your system for yourself. Don’t rush, and be mindful. Find out what works for you and what doesn’t.
As much as we like to deny it, money is a major factor in our lives. We need to control and maximize it however we can.
But like any healthy habit, we need to learn to do it properly.
There is no one-size-fits-all personal finance system. Make it easy to love doing your finances.
Live below your means.
Don’t wait until the universe teaches you this lesson. Experience is the worst teacher. And it sucks to be broke.
Plan your finances, and be mindful of what you spend. “Self-care splurges” are only okay if you can guarantee you won’t be stressed about having no money later in the month.
Make a budget, and stick to it.
It doesn’t have to be complicated and stressful — what it does have to be is committed.
Expand your means however possible.
The best financial strategy is to earn more money. Not stocks. Not day trading. Heaven knows, not crypto. These are all games of risk, and for many people (me, especially) these risks are not worth the rewards, at the moment.
Instead, focus on rigorous self-development. Learn monetizable skills. Grow an audience.
Then, learn to monetize.
Start a side hustle. Start a business. Become a content creator. Whatever you do, create value, and money will come to you.
This is not impossible — just difficult. But the result will be worth it.
Fitness & Health
It’s okay to have other priorities.
Looking at social media, you’d think that having a model’s physique is mandatory in your 20s.
It’s not.
Social media will call you lazy if you can’t lift, run, or beat guys up with a martial art. You’re not. Life is tough and few have the privilege of time, resources, and mental energy it takes to be fit.
That’s okay — you can have other priorities.
However, recognize that being in shape is critical. It’s fair to say it’s not your priority right now, it’s unfair to say that fitness is unimportant. It’s not okay to take health completely off the list.
Your body keeps the score and, sooner or later, it will come to collect.
Time is the main determinant.
Fitness and health is a long-term game.
What separates “healthy” people from those who are not? It’s not their bodies, workout routines, or genetics. It’s the time they spend doing things that healthy people do.
So don’t worry, and don’t expect. Don’t look for a tree out of a seed only a week in the ground.
Your efforts will take time to take root and grow underground, unseen even by your eyes before they will bear fruit. But your seeds seeds will mature.
If you bury the seeds of health, soon you will feel lighter, sleep better, and breathe easier. You will only get better as you age.
If you bury the seeds of irresponsibility, soon you will feel weaker, sleep less, and breathe harder doing normal things. Your body will decay every day.
Plant the right seeds and nurture them.
Identity is just as important as action.
There is a big difference between being someone who runs vs. being a runner.
The former “does” something. The latter “is” something.
That distinction matters.
When things get difficult, someone who runs will simply try another day. After all, running is merely another option in an endless array of choices.
A runner will push their boundaries. They don’t have a choice — it’s who they are.
Don’t just do something. Make it who you are.
Relationships
Work for healthy relationships.
Great relationships feel like magic, but they’re not.
Just like anything else in life, it requires work.
Deep friendship is not merely giving your life in a grand act of sacrifice. It’s wading through schedules and preferences to schedule hangouts, standing by them in suffering, and working through messy disagreements.
Love is not just the immovable certainty of the telenovela “soulmate.” It’s an unbroken chain of good morning texts, hour-long phone calls (even when you’re not used to it), and yes, working through messy disagreements.
Healthy relationships don’t just happen — you make them happen with the time, energy, and attention you put in.
If you want to improve your relationships, set goals, develop systems, and stay committed. Most importantly, communicate.
Find something worth it, then go all in.
Real connection is rare.
Approach interactions with an open heart and mind, but carefully consider the connections you want to invest in. There are only a select few people who will truly resonate with you and improve your life. Sure, there’s something to learn from every relationship, but some will teach them to you the hard way.
Connection is difficult to find, so once you find something worth it, go all out.
Be the one that reaches out. Be the one that sets the plans. Don’t be afraid to take the risk of rejection.
But don’t give that level of commitment lightly — use your mind and heart to discern.
Small talk isn’t terrible, you just suck at it.
We all hate it, but small talk is a core skill to navigate the world.
The ability to make conversation is the ability to make connections. Without small talk skills, you leave a lot of potentially fulfilling relationships undiscovered. Your newest best friend, romantic partner, or mentor could be just a self-introduction away.
If you’re not good at it yet, don’t worry. Small talk is a skill — and a skill is learnable. Practice, commit, and enjoy.
Learn to be at peace with the process.
Spirituality
Faith is a habit.
Like everything else, faith is a habit that we must consciously cultivate.
One of my biggest mistakes is that complete and utter faith will come to me in a big revelation. A memorable dream, a light from heaven, or a thundering realization that changes everything.
But, more and more, I realize that the biggest things in life are just the little things intentionally stacked over lifetimes.
A successful marriage, by all accounts, requires making the conscious decision to stay together every day. It means talking, sharing, and resolving conflict with your spouse, for life.
Similarly, faith requires deciding to be faithful every day. It means prayer, study, and meditation with your God, for life.
Thus, like any habit, set goals, develop systems, and stay committed.
There is a spiritual side to everything.
The spiritual world is not merely major doctrinal talking points like what happens after death, the nature of God, etc.
It permeates everything, every facet of our lives.
We know it’s there.
We feel it deep in prayer, in the hushed tones of people in a burial. We feel it in deep introspection, in awe-inspiring moments, and in difficult trials. We feel it deep in the flow of our craft.
Recognize the existence of the spiritual.
All actions can be a form of worship.
Worship is not limited to praying, singing, and loud proclamations — everything you do can be a form of worship.
Worship is simply showing reverence and adoration, there aren’t any exact forms. It can be how you use your talents. It can be your work. It can be your acts as a friend, son/daughter, or parent.
After all, He knows the purpose and motivations of our actions. If we say we dedicate what we’re doing for Him, and follow through, He will appreciate it like any parent would appreciate anything their children give them.
