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The Old Mech went up in the suburbs of Pil Yo Heights when Royo was just a baby. Of course, at the time it was simply: “The Mech.” In one video from that time, his father holds Royo’s tiny silhouette against the scaffolding of The Mech, and says, “This is our gift to you, Royo! So you will always have time.”

The Mech was built to protect Pil Yo Heights from the Time Witches. The Time Witches lived in time loops of their own creation. …


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On Creepy Garfield Art and Getting Engaged

I turned 41 this year, and getting older has been strange, especially since the Internet got ahold of someone I consider to be my dream brother: Garfield.

What I’m talking about is “Creepy Garfield” art. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a series of cartoons featuring Garfield as a monster stalking Jon. It’s mostly sci-fi and body horror Cronenberg-style drawings.

My friends sometimes post this Dark Garfield art on my wall — and I appreciate it, I do love to see all of Garfield’s incarnations, even the upsetting ones. There’s even a subreddit for Creepy Garfield art called r/imsorryjon.

Picture a bloated Garfield the size of a star pouring the dark light of his essence directly into Jon’s eyes and Jon saying “I can see forever and it’s bad.” Or Garfield as one of the monsters from Annihilation, with tentacles coming out of his face and the caption is “This lasagna recipe requires your DNA…


Jason Mallory and Tom Rittenhouse Descend Into the Cave of Aladdin GIFs

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👨🏻 Hey y’all, it’s me! Jeff Foxworthy! Jason and Tom let me introduce the article so I could try out my new Aladdin material and here it is! “If a man with a snake staff sends you down into a cave of wonders with your pet monkey to get a magic lamp — you MIGHT be Aladdin.” Hope you liked it! Anyway, here’s Jason and Tom with some wholesome comedy about a genie who’s as blue as my collar!

JASON

Whoa, was Jeff Foxworthy just in here? Shoulda got his autograph. …


GIFs of Dark Phoenix? Right This Way Sir or Madam

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👩🏼‍🚀 Hey there! I’m Little Dale, the astronaut! Jason asked me to come out and introduce the article. What can I say, Jason made some GIFs from the Dark Phoenix trailer and wrote some stuff about them! Okay back to being the warden of space jail, bye!


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Yep-I Made a Bunch of Rise of Skywalker GIFs and Wrote About Them

If you’re here for a film critic’s analysis of the Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker trailer, this ain’t it. To quote my tattoo of Chewbacca riding a BIRD scooter for the first time: “we’ll see what happens!”

So let’s look at these Star Wars GIFs I made on GIPHY and read the little blurbs I wrote about each one. Rise of Skywalkers, down with trash talkers, etc. I’m just a Wookie solving the “last mile” problem on an e-scooter, and you are all the pedestrians on the sidewalk I’m plowing through.


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“Luke Perry is dead” says the screen in the elevator at my office, a deviation from its usual slightly Trump-sympathetic news reports.

“Damn, Luke Perry is dead!” I write on Facebook Messenger to my girlfriend and again on gchat to my friends.

Luke Perry’s death will be announced all day by a variety of screens, each one programmed with its own small agenda. I always figured the future would have many screens but did not imagine each one would come with its own point of view, it’s own narrative to push. Naive on my part.

Later in the evening when I get home I will look out at the dogs running around my backyard and think about how I don’t always have to play a role in the world, sometimes I can simply look at the world, and I don’t even have to do that if I don’t want to. …


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Tom Rittenhouse and Jason Mallory Review 10 GIFs From the Trailer for ‘A Wrinkle in Time’

JASON

What’s up, Tom! Welcome to our series where we cut 10 GIFs from a movie trailer and discuss them with a guest! For this edition, we’re taking a closer look at the GIFs of A Wrinkle in Time!

First of all, this is one of my favorite books of all time — as a nerdy kid who thought he was ready to fight the ultimate evil in an alternate dimension yet was also bullied daily and enjoyed a weird frenemy relationship with his bully over a shared love of Garfield compilations, this was the perfect book for me. …


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A demonic smoke fiend has stolen all the smoke in the city of Atlanta to use for his flamboyant and theatrical smoke show!

Admittedly, the show is very good, with many unbelievable feats of smoke magic that will astound you. But ever since he stole all the smoke no one can get high, enjoy cigarettes, or open any hookah bars!

We asked our contributors: “How do you convince this smoke fiend to give back all our smoke so we can enjoy tobacco and weed again while also helping him maintain the quality level of his incredible smoke-themed stage show without robbing Atlanta of its smoky delights!??”


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Thanks to a settlement with ABC Family, we just got our hands on several boxes of Pretty Little Liars Exploding Cigars and we need to sell them FAST! Unfortunately, someone has already opened them! The cigars are fine, but you should know: these boxes of Pretty Little Liars Exploding Cigars are NOT sealed! We asked our contributors how they would sell these prank exploding cigars branded with the “Pretty Little Liars” logo!

About

Jason Pierce Mallory

Sleepy Little Rascal

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