Why Are We So Obsessed with Reality Dating Shows?
I was scrolling through my Roku the other day, unsure of what to watch when I found myself wishing that a new season of Too Hot To Handle would hurry up and come out. As I sat there going from show to show, channel to channel, I noticed a couple other reality shows that I had not seen. So, I went to the search bar and looked up “dating shows.” It surprised me how many of them there actually were. Some of the hit American series even expanded to different countries. It made me wonder, “Why are we so obsessed with reality dating shows?” Why, after 28 seasons of The Bachelor are people still tuning in every Monday night to see who gets a rose and who gets sent home? Or why are all these newer shows coming to streaming platforms where mothers date each other’s sons and siblings go on double dates with other siblings? It seems to be cross generational too. When I tell my mom, 90 Day Fiance is on, we sit down and watch it together, critiquing the choices that the couples make. My Sophomore year math teacher and I often talked about how she and her mother tuned into The Bachelor together as well. Could it be a bonding experience for audiences?
To understand the rise of reality dating shows, I’ll first have to address the rise of reality tv in general. Cosmopolitan Magazine says “While the dating show production cycle seems to be churning out more content than ever, the genre is far from new. UK viewers have been obsessed with the likes of Blind Date since the ’80s, originating in the US under the title The Dating Game as far back as 1965…But now, it feels like they’re *everywhere* again, and on every platform, from Netflix and Amazon Prime Video to ITV. Shows have varying success rates; over a third of Love Is Blind couples were still together as of March 2022, while Naked Attraction, much less successful, down at 2%. And yet we still dig our teeth into them.” I think reality dating shows offer a unique form of entertainment that taps into universal human experiences and desires, particularly the pursuit of love and romantic relationships. Tie that in with what Dr. Karen McNally, a Reader in American Film, Television and Cultural History at London Metropolitan University calls a “genius formula” and you’ve got what could make people so hooked. She explains that these shows are part reality TV, soap opera, and game show all into one, which means that they’re combining elements of fiction and non-fiction, characterisation, relationships, melodrama, and competition. By showcasing the highs and lows of dating, viewers are drawn into the emotional rollercoaster experienced by contestants, creating a sense of relatability and empathy. Reality dating shows have capitalized on the rise of social media and digital technology, leveraging platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok to engage with audiences in real-time. This integration of social media allows viewers to interact with contestants, share their opinions, and participate in discussions surrounding the show, thereby enhancing their overall viewing experience. I myself follow a couple contestants from Too Hot to Handle and the Bachelor in Paradise on tiktok where they often poke fun at dramatic scenes in the show or post collabs with other cast members. Dr. McNally also attributes the oversaturation of dating shows to the cultural changes in our society. Reality dating shows often feature diverse casts and settings, catering to a wide range of viewers and reflecting the multicultural nature of contemporary society. This inclusivity not only attracts viewers from different demographics but also fosters a sense of representation and belonging for underrepresented groups. While it’s not the best i.e. having literally 2 Black people, one mixed person and maybe someone of Asian descent out of 12 total, it’s a start. Additionally, the success of reality dating shows can be attributed to savvy marketing and promotion strategies employed by networks and production companies. By creating buzzworthy moments, promoting celebrity hosts or contestants, and strategically timing premieres to coincide with cultural events or holidays, these shows are able to generate hype and attract large audiences.
The common knowledge surrounding our obsession with reality dating shows often focuses on surface-level explanations, but it can get so much deeper than that. These shows seem to be affecting us on a grander scale; one that is cultural, societal, and psychological. These programs not only reflect societal norms and ideals about love, romance, and gender roles, but they also have the power to change and influence them. By reinforcing certain stereotypes or narratives about relationships, they can influence viewers’ perceptions and expectations, both consciously and subconsciously. Dr. McNally notes that “dating shows have adapted to reflect our shifting cultural attitudes towards relationships. Think of dating apps, with their lineup of options to which you select ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and then Love Island, where the in-person recoupling lineup works much the same.” I think this is one of the best reasons why we should be more aware of these shows. It’s slowly changing the dating culture into one where everyone has the paradox of choice. The paradox of choice is a hypothesis that proposes that, while choice is positive, too much of it can lead to decision paralysis, anxiety, and discontent. Dr. Bantu Kwanza likens it to having a huge food menu and being scared that you’ll choose the wrong meal.
Many people have spoken on why we as a culture are so obsessed with these reality dating shows and what they are doing to us socially. Andy Dehnart, the writer behind “Reality Blurred”, a blog where he talks about the latest drama in reality TV, says “I think dating shows tap into a number of things that make us completely addicted to them, absorbed by them, fascinated by them. I think what has really sustained dating shows overall, especially ‘The Bachelor’ franchise which is the big one of course, is that it’s turned into this ongoing soap opera.” According to Dehnart, the dating reality TV genre manages to keep viewers captivated by bringing back beloved characters like in a soap opera, which I wholeheartedly agree with. Characters that were fan favorites on the Bachelor or Bachelorette get brought back for Bachelor in Paradise where it basically becomes like Love Island. Producers bring them back in strategic ways too, to get the maximum amount of drama. Say two guys had beef on the bachelorette that constantly disrupted the group and became bigger than necessary, they will bring them both back as well as a girl they both have a crush on and want to see in paradise, thus setting the stage for them to clash again. Dehnart also said pre-production plans and post-production editing can play a big role in what we see as representations of love and relationships on reality TV.
Studies have shown that, in addition to the internet, social media, and peers, one element influencing young people’s desire to have casual sex is sexually driven reality TV, as many reality dating programs have been shown to be. When safe and consensual, it’s not a bad thing, but these studies also highlight that sexual activity is seen differently for women and men. It’s often viewed as empowering for the men but demeaning for women.
“I think in dating shows, you get a lot of sexualization, especially of women, because again, that’s something that happens in our culture and that gets mirrored and then perhaps amplified by a reality TV show,” Dehnart said. “I think most importantly in casting, we don’t really see most shows reflective of what America looks like for American reality TV shows. Hollywood can sell young and sexy, and therefore, you’re going to see that more in a dating show.” This can have a great effect on younger viewers, especially girls. Sophia Ruan Gushée says “While there are many advantages to watching certain reality shows, it’s helpful to be mindful of the disadvantages too. Research has shown that, while mature audiences may be able to distinguish between reality and reality television, it’s harder for children and adolescents to do so. The effect of reality shows on youth can vary from positive effects — like inspiration, compassion, and healthy entertainment, to negative ones.”
Another poll conducted by YouGov found that while 56% of Americans believe reality TV has a negative influence on society, and 58% think reality dating shows in particular are heavily scripted, 65% of Americans also indicated that they’re interested in appearing on at least one of reality TV’s many genres.
According to celebrity matchmaker and dating expert Rachel London, society is doomed because of how shallow current dating shows are. She was interviewed by the publication, “Muscle and Health” and said, “One of the significant changes brought about by these dating shows is the increased emphasis on instant gratification and superficiality. Contestants on these shows are often chosen based on their looks and potential for creating drama rather than focusing on deeper compatibility factors. This has led to a culture where appearance and entertainment value are prioritized over long-term compatibility and genuine emotional connections. People have started to believe that finding love should be quick and glamorous, emphasizing physical attraction rather than building a solid foundation. Shows like ‘Love Island’ also openly encourage body hopping and the idea of exploring all options.” These scenes are basically replicating the dating app swiping experience (Tinder, Bumble and Hinge) and again, giving the paradox of choice.
However, Laurie Davis Edwards, a renowned dating coach, has a different take on dating reality Tv shows. According to her, “these shows offer more than just mindless entertainment, they can impart valuable lessons about love. Even if the wild romances we see on screen don’t exactly match our own lives, there’s still something to be gained from them.” Laurie argues that dating reality television shows might encourage people to prioritize their current and future relationships. So, while dating reality TV shows may have their fair share of turmoil and questionable motivations, Laurie Edwards feels there is still something to be learned. They can reassure us that love exists and urge us to respect our relationships.
In this day and age where there’s an overabundance of dating shows, we should critically watch them. We can watch to enjoy, but also ask ourselves questions about what’s real or what’s not, questions about whether or not a part is edited out of context, or questions about if the show is promoting conventional ideologies and stereotypes. And internally, we can self reflect and ask ourselves, “Do I find myself wishing dating was more like these shows?” Or “Do I find my dating life has reflected similar aspects to these shows?” Ratings and viewer demographics are crucial factors in determining the longevity and success of reality dating shows. High ratings translate to increased advertising revenue and network investment, incentivizing producers to maintain audience engagement through the allure of romance, drama, and competition. I think we should always remember this and watch these shows with a grain of salt. We as a culture could possibly advocate for greater transparency and ethical editing for these shows.
Bibliography
Barker, Rachel. “Is Reality TV Stopping us From Staying in Long Term Relationships?” VICE, 4 May 2023, https://www.vice.com/en/article/5d9gpk/is-reality-tv-stopping-us-from-staying-in-long-term-relationships. Accessed 2 May 2024.
Berman, Judy, and Tanya Cooper. “How Reality TV Has Reshaped Our World | TIME.” Time, 4 August 2022, https://time.com/collection/reality-tv-most-influential-seasons/6199108/reality-tv-influence-on-world/. Accessed 2 May 2024.
“Do Reality Shows Affect How Viewers See Real-Life Relationships?” Scripps News, 6 October 2022, https://www.scrippsnews.com/entertainment/tv/do-reality-shows-affect-how-viewers-see-relationships. Accessed 2 May 2024.
Franks, Jack. “Reality Shows Changed Dating Forever | See Their Impact.” Muscle and Health, 18 July 2023, https://muscleandhealth.com/lifestyle/reality-dating-shows-changed-dating/. Accessed 2 May 2024.
Gulla, Emily. “Why are reality dating shows taking over the TV landscape?” Cosmopolitan, 29 July 2022, https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/entertainment/a40586062/reality-dating-shows-taking-over-tv/. Accessed 2 May 2024.
Gushée, Sophia Ruan. “What Is The Impact of Reality Shows On Younger Generation?” Ruan Living, 16 March 2023, https://www.ruanliving.com/blog/%2Fimpact-reality-shows-younger-generation. Accessed 2 May 2024.
“I Never Promised You a Rose.” Wikipedia, Flow, https://www.flowjournal.org/2007/12/i-never-promised-you-a-rose-exposing-the-unreality-of-the-dating-reality-program/. Accessed 2 May 2024.
Kwanza, Bantu. “The Illusion of Many Option.” Wikipedia, Medium, https://medium.com/@bantualec/the-illusion-of-many-options-a13dcb22444d. Accessed 2 May 2024.
Peek, Holly, et al. “Reality TV & Impacts on Teen: What Can Parents Do?” Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds, https://www.mghclaycenter.org/parenting-concerns/teenagers/impact-reality-tv-teens-can-parents/. Accessed 2 May 2024.
Staehr, Katharina. “Why dating shows have us hooked — and what they are doing to our relationships.” The Observer, https://observer.case.edu/why-dating-shows-have-us-hooked-and-what-they-are-doing-to-our-relationships/. Accessed 2 May 2024.