Me & You: Personal Discoveries from Netflix’s “Harry & Meghan” Docuseries, Part 2
Why a Culture Obsessed with Inflated Opinions, Social Media Slander, Celebrity Voyeurism, Hyper-Critical Judgmentalism, and an Army of Keyboard-Courageous Armchair Experts is Killing the Soul of Our Humanity and the Spirit of Our Communities
Perhaps what we think is a view into the looking glass of the lives of Prince Harry and Princess Meghan is not that at all. Maybe what we think is a peek into the glasshouse of their lives may actually be a reflection from a house of mirrors into our own lives. A distorted view of ourselves that is revealing more about us than about them. One finger pointed at them but four fingers pointed back at us.
Is this Netflix series really about the Duke and Duchess of Essex or is it more about how we view and treat our fellow humans; especially those of fame and wealth?
In Part One of this mini-series on Medium, I shared why I am writing this series, why I am so interested in this ongoing story, and what I am already learning about myself and our culture along the way. Start there first.
In this Part Two, I want to dig into one of the many things I am personally and painfully, I might add, learning about myself and our modern culture: namely, that we are a hyper-critical culture built on the values of critique and judgmentalism. From the macro level all the way down to the microscopic level. We excel in the art and science of judging others. We are masters of critique and experts in being judgmental.
We excel in the art and science of judging others. We are masters of critique and experts in being judgmental.
I want to start Part Two with a quote from Meghan herself (hereon referred to as “M,” and Harry as “H”) from her hit Spotify-exclusive podcast, “Archetypes.” In her latest episode from November 29, 2022, on “‘Man-ifesting a Cultural Shift’ with Trevor Noah, Andy Cohen, and Judd Apatow,” M’s guest Andy shares a scathing and rather ironic critique of our hyper-critical culture and gives a reason as to why his show, “Housewives,” has been so wildly successful.
Andy says at the 15:15 minute mark, “And I think also we love judging human behavior and so it’s a way to kind of judge other people’s behaviors in kind of a guilt-free way without, you know, feeling bad about it. It’s like an excuse to gossip about friends who aren’t really our friends.” Wow! What a painfully true statement. And when Andy said that, I wonder if in that very moment M felt that was a little close to home with how the Royal Family, their friends, and the world frankly, have judged them?
Isn’t that true? Don’t we do that? Like, all. the. time? I know I do. Albeit usually quietly to myself or to one or two of my closest friends and not on social media (at least not anymore). But, whether we are judging in our hearts or online, it’s the same sentiment and spirit: we love to judge others, especially in ways that make us feel better about ourselves. We love to cast stones at others, especially the first stone, and especially when they are beaten down.
We love to cast stones at others, especially the first stone, and especially when they are beaten down.
And our media, technology, entertainment, and culture at large perpetuate the values and behaviors required to keep us in an endless loop of hyper-criticism and judgmentalism. To divide us with “us vs. them” mentalities and to define “different” as “wrong” and “other” as “less than.” To denigrate others while exalting ourselves. To view each other through a microscope (looking at all the flaws at the granular level) instead of a telescope (seeing each other as great and bigger than life and full of value).
Friend, I’ll be honest with you here: I am sick and tired of constant critique. I am exhausted from endless criticism. I am worn out in my soul, mind, and body from the infinity loop of judgmentalism. Both as the judger and the judged. Aren’t you? If you’re honest, I bet you would admit that speaking and living such toxic negativity and harsh judgmentalism all the time about everyone not only gets old but is killing us: killing our souls, crushing our spirits, dividing our communities, burning bridges, breaking relationships, busting up families, leading us to model values and leave a legacy to the next generation that nothing and no one is ever good enough or enough period.
But we live in a culture that values — albeit unintentionally or not — being “judge, jury, and executioner.” We are like armed vigilantes with words wielded as weapons and harshness as our ammunition. But the higher the wave, the harder it is to hold back. Pandora’s box was opened when the internet went online in the 90s and we went deeper into the rabbit hole when the news became more polarizing and social media became not a luxury but a necessary megaphone for “letting your voice be heard” both in business and personally.
But we live in a culture that values — albeit unintentionally or not — being “judge, jury, and executioner.” We are like armed vigilantes with words wielded as weapons and harshness as our ammunition.
The challenge is helping each other see that this is a primary problem at all let alone a problem period. Because facing this issue head-on requires guts, risks reputation and in some cases friendships, and could lead to us feeling alone or susceptible to attack. The solution? It is simpler and more obvious than we care to admit.
Love.
Yup, love.
Genuine, compassionate, unconditional, others-focused love.
The love that God displays. The love that Jesus lived and showed. The love that the apostle Paul defines in 1 Corinthians 13 when he defined this divine, Agape love in about 17 different ways. Here is how you and I know it best from the ESV (English Standard Version) of The Bible:
4 Love is patient and kind;
love does not envy or boast; it his not arrogant
5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends.
Here is how The Message translates this famous passage often reserved for reciting at marriage ceremonies:
“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always ‘me first,’ Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always, Always looks for the best,
Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
8–10 Love never dies.”
So much of our judgment and criticism towards each other is often a reflection of the judgment and criticism we have toward ourselves. In other words: we struggle to love others because we struggle to truly love ourselves. Of course, most of us also love ourselves too much, but usually out of a lack of love from others. We love ourselves too much or too little because we fail to understand that we are already dearly loved by a loving God. And loved apart from who we are, what we have done or not done, and who we may become or not become.
When we begin to wrestle with and grasp that type of unconditional love for us, we begin to share that same love with others. We begin to judge others less harshly and more gently, or not at all. Our critical voice begins to hush because our inner critique becomes more silent. Why? Because it is no longer about how well we perform, what we do, getting things right, being perfect, or reaching some level of better or enough. We cannot attain this higher level of our ideal selves, and neither can others. So, our impossible, inconsistent, and hypocritical standard we judge others by — and ourselves — begins to crumble and crack at the foundation. It starts to fall apart and burst at the seams. And we begin to realize that we are as bad as everyone else is — maybe even worse.
This type of love sets us free from the slavery of slander and the bondage of brutality toward ourselves and others.
This type of love sets us free from the slavery of slander and the bondage of brutality toward ourselves and others.
So, as I end Part Two, I ask you the same thing I am asking myself despite what media, anchors, journalists, tabloids, online reviewers, followers, fans, friends, and even the Royal Family are saying: are we showing love to Harry and Meghan? Are we thinking the best? Are we giving them the benefit of the doubt? Are we allowing them to fall and fail? Are we being self-centered? Are we acting arrogantly or pridefully? Are we being conceited or puffed up? Are we being patient and gentle? Are we keeping score? Are we reveling? Are we loving the truth? Are we showing them the honor, respect, dignity, and humanity we expect to be shown?
What has it been like for Harry? For Meghan? For their kids? What have they given up? What do they stand to gain? What do they stand to lose? What is life like for them? What are their hopes and fears? What are their struggles and worries? When we are too busy judging we spend our time giving our answers instead of asking questions. We talk instead of listening. We get it out instead of giving in. We stand up instead of sitting down. We raise our voices instead of lowering our position.
In the end, this has less to do with faith or Jesus and more to do with how are we doing at being human with each other. At letting each other be human and embrace their humanity — in all its flaws, weaknesses, sins, and darkness. At being kind and decent.
I leave you with this amazing and scandalous encounter between Jesus and a woman caught in adultery, thrown at his feet to be judged harshly, and actually to trap Jesus (from the Gospel of John, chapter 8).
When Jesus met the woman caught in adultery surrounded by an angry mob of judging, hyper-critical, mean-spirited, hypocritical religious leaders, he didn’t stand over her in judgment. They wanted to trap Jesus but also feel better about their own issues by comparing hers to theirs. But Jesus refused to give in to their accusations and trap and instead bent down in the dust and dirt with her, looked into her eyes, got on her level, addressed and scorned the crowd (“he who is without sin cast the first stone to throw at her”), and said to her, “Woman, where are your accusers?” and she said, “there are none.” And he said, “then neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”
Neither do I condemn you. Jesus doesn’t judge or condemn, but we still do. And we love it. We join the mob and the crowd ready to pounce, proclaim, accuse, blame-shift, critique, and even trap. Think about that.
Are we not doing the same thing to H & M?
We need to realize that on any given day, we are all the ones caught in an act of sin or struggle or weakness, and Jesus stands ready to not condemn us but love us and empower us to live out of that love and acceptance. And to give to others caught in their own weaknesses and struggles the same scandalous accepting grace he gives to us, NOT to stand over them in judgment ready and eager to throw stones.
Let’s lavish love, not lob stones.
Let’s lavish love, not lob stones.
Until next time friends.
