Personal
I'm Back and Hungry, Baby!
Getting Healthy and Getting Closure
As I mentioned at the end of my previous post — I Dreamt of a Thrilling Ride Beyond The Clouds, I was going on a full break, wholly detached from writing.
Well, the truth is, I had to go on a break because my mother came over. If you've read some of my Medium pieces about Mental Health and Self Development, you'd know that I didn't have the best relationship with my mother. You can catch glimpses about her here:
But I'll get to what happened when I met my mother again in a bit.
So, as you've read the title, I'm back, and I'm hungry.
Really hungry!
But not the kind you'd typically read from other Medium writers who are just hungry to write again after a long break.
My brain isn't bursting with writing ideas.
My fingers don't itch for the keyboard to share profound thoughts with you guys.
I'm literally hungry!
A Healthier Lifestyle
The last time I checked, I weighed 47 Kilos (about 104 Lb). That was in 2015.
Recently, I checked my weight using my brother's digital scale and was immediately depressed by the numbers.
I was 60.8 Kilos (about 134 Lb).
I failed to care for my health and physical appearance…
I know how one look doesn't matter. But I personally feel unhappy with my current physique.
I was still able to maintain my weight until 2020. But 2021 was a stressful year for me. So I ate, and ate, and ate…
I ate more than the time I spent exercising.
Unfortunately, I got used to that habit. I knew I'd put on some weight but was too afraid to stand on a scale. And when I finally did, I was devastated.
My current weight isn't ideal for my height. I'm 158.5 cm, by the way (when you're short, every decimal point counts). So that's 5 ft 2 in.
According to the Asian BMI calculator, I'm overweight. And I'm a few digits away from being overweight according to the American and European BMI.
In short, I'm very unhealthy.
So, I've since taken a leap to have a healthier lifestyle. I'm now doing the Atkins Diet and going to the gym regularly instead of relying on YouTube home workouts.
Not gonna lie. It's hard because I love carbs! I love rice, bread, buns, noodles, and pasta.
I also love desserts — cakes, chocolates, ice creams, cookies… Oh, you name it!
Depriving of carbs and sugar has made me hungry most of the time. I know it will take a few weeks to get used to my new diet.
Though it has been just a few days, my new lifestyle feels much healthier. And I'm always excited to go to the gym in the morning. Also, instead of 60.8 kilos, I'm now 59.3 kilos (about 130.8 Lb)!
Hey, that's something.
So I'm optimistic that it will only keep improving if I stick with the meal plan and workout schedule.
Of course, this isn't going to be my permanent diet. I plan only to commit fully to Atkins Diet until I lose at least 11 Kilos (about 24 Lb).
Then, I'll return to eating my favorite food occasionally, but in smaller portions with more control this time. So that is something to look forward to! 😊
Meeting My Mother Again
Now, finally, to the heavier bit of this piece.
My family was made of lies masquerading as this picture-perfect unit you'd see on photograph frames on store shelves.
In those picture frames, the random people posing as a family portray the illusion that your family would look just as happy and perfect…
If only you buy that frame.
That was precisely how other families in the town where I grew up viewed us. We were the desirable household with financial and emotional stability. Well, from the outside. And at least until my family went bankrupt…
But even then, my mother tried very hard to keep a dream team's facade.
I hated it then.
But I understand now that she did it because she came from a wrecked and abusive background. So I understand where her madness came from. But I do not approve of what she did.
I never will.
She wanted to be different than her parents. But, unfortunately, we could only achieve that in the public eyes, not behind closed doors.
I hadn't met her since July 2015, and I was really nervous to see her again. She played a big part in inflicting my traumas, leading to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). So I expected her to be the same person who was just a mother by circumstance, just by name.
But surprisingly, she changed.
During our time apart, she has been through life-changing experiences that forced her to finally grow.
I knew some people who kept repeating the same mistakes, refusing to take a different path when an opportunity struck.
I'm glad she did the opposite.
She's now happier, warmer, and wiser.
She's not the mother I wished I had when I was young. But it's better because she finally becomes, my mother. If that makes sense…
Someone I can be frank to when I need space, and she won't start breaking things.
Someone I can seek for advice and comfort, and she won't act like a brick wall.
Someone I can feel safe with without sleeping with one eye open.
Her changes made our reunion feel pretty weird. But it was a good kinda weird.
I never thought I'd have a lot of fun watching movies, shopping, having tea, and going bungee jumping with her.
Yeah, I bungee jumped recently, by the way. But that's an embarrassing story for another time.
Growing up, I've always envied the bond other girls had with their mothers. And as I grew older, I accepted that it is what it is. It just so happened that I was born into this mentally unstable family.
So I left her.
But a few months after Covid hit, and it got worse over time, I started texting her occasionally.
The world seemed utterly hopeless then, so I didn't want to just vanish from her existence. Or receive bad news about her one day without finding closure.
Eventually, when we were all triple vaccinated, and traveling regulations were more relaxed, we decided to meet again.
I'm happy we did. And there will be more to come.
When I sent her to the airport, I felt sad leaving her because this time, I actually love her. There's no hate and betrayals. Just, love.
Huh, never thought that was possible.
It's odd how all the pain she put me through in the past just disappeared.
Poof!
Just like that.
I finally feel that I'm fully moved on from that part of my past.
I finally found closure with my mother.
What's Next?
So I'm back to writing for work and leisure. My break ended on a good note, and I'm happy to be back!
I have some article ideas to write on Medium and hopefully publish them soon in Time To Write The Next Article, The DIY Diaries, and my personal Medium post.
I have some prompts I may write and submit to other publications as well…
But as of now, I'm just going to focus on the first two I mentioned. At least on Medium.
If you happen to stumble upon this post, I genuinely appreciate your time reading this all the way to the end.
I know it's a very self-centered piece that shares very little to no help to readers, especially when most posts I wrote recently are to help others.
Thanks again. It means a lot! 😊
