Questioning Sex #1: WTF Is It?

Our ignorance about the mystery we call “sex” is shocking, dangerous, and potentially catastrophic.

6 min readApr 18, 2023

by I. J. Weinstock, author of OUR SECRET SEX LIFE: The Key to Humanity’s Destiny.

I’ve written five books that explore the mystery we call “sex.” And I’ve learned that sex is much more than we realize. Beyond the physical act of procreation and pleasure, sex defines our humanity and shapes our society in profound yet unacknowledged ways.

Our ignorance about sex’s fundamental and consequential importance is not only shocking, it’s also dangerous, and potentially catastrophic. We need to educate ourselves…before it’s too late.

So let’s begin at the beginning…

Evolution’s “Carrot”

Evolution is driven by the twin engines of Natural and Sexual Selection.

Natural Selection tests a species’ fitness to survive in its environment so it can successfully reproduce.

Sexual Selection occurs when females choose which males with whom to mate and reproduce.

Natural Selection = survival; Sexual Selection = reproduction.

Natural Selection determines which species will survive; Sexual Selection determines which traits will be passed on to the next generation.

Another way to think of it is that death is evolution’s “stick,” and sex is evolution’s “carrot.” In this way, both Natural and Sexual Selection mold the evolving species.

One of Humanity’s Defining Characteristics

Out of the approximately three million sexually active species, we Homo Sapiens are probably one of the only ones that uncoupled sex from reproduction. In this regard, we are an evolutionary exception — a mammal that engages in sex all the time. This profound evolutionary change in our sexuality is, in many ways, a source of our uniqueness and a key to our humanity.

Why did humans evolve to have sex all the time, more sex than any other mammal?

One primary way that human sexuality differs from most other mammals is that the female doesn’t go into periodic “heat” to signal she’s ovulating. Other primates like chimpanzees and apes experience regular periods of sexual availability called “estrus,” during which the female displays her readiness to mate. As a general rule, it’s only during these times when females and males are interested in sex.

Human females are the only primates that experience concealed or hidden ovulation. According to evolutionary biologist Margie Profet, “The only mammal whose ovulation is known to be truly concealed is Homo Sapiens.”

As far as survival goes, this presents an evolutionary problem — reproduction becomes hit or miss. To compensate, evolution expanded human sexual availability so that it’s potentially any time, all the time.

In the Beginning Was the Word…and It Was “Sex.”

With reproduction no longer purely instinctual in humans, Sexual Selection had to evolve more sophisticated means of communication between the sexes so that they could negotiate the who, how, where, and when of this unique, non-instinctual hyper-sexuality. To survive, humans had to choreograph a new kind of evolutionary “mating dance.” Some researchers theorize that these new communication demands inspired the development of speech, complex language, and ultimately human civilization.

The “Root” of the Tree of Life

In France, there are prehistoric caves that contain 15,000-year-old images of male and female genitals. Why? It’s not because they liked porn. It’s because sex is the source, not only of progeny but of society.

Ancient civilizations like Egypt and Sumer (which lasted thousands of years) revered sex as the “Original Blessing” responsible for humanity’s evolutionary ascent. They viewed sex as the “root” of the Tree of Life and understood that if the “root” from which civilization grows is damaged, the “fruit” will become bitter and ultimately poisoned.

Like ancient Egypt and Sumer, Western Civilization is also built upon the idea that sex is important, but in a distorted, shameful, almost demonic way, since it became the “Original Sin” responsible for the Fall of Man and our exile from the Garden of Eden.

The “Source Code” for Society

If the ancients used the metaphor of sex being the “root of the Tree of Life,” a contemporary tech metaphor might be that sex is one of humanity’s core programs — the “source code” for society. How we conceive of, feel about, and engage in sex shapes relations between men and women, dictates the dynamics of family, and ultimately influences the values and structures of society.

Historian Yuval Noah Harari has said that “the story in which you believe shapes the society that you create.” Since sex is so fundamental and consequential — a defining aspect of our humanity — the “story” we tell ourselves about sex will determine the kind of society in which we live. Sex creates not only new generations but also shapes civilizations.

A civilization which believes sex is the “Original Blessing” will be very different than a civilization that believes sex is the “Original Sin.”

Our SEX OS is Hacked!

To continue the tech metaphor, we can think of sex as one of humanity’s “Operating Systems.” Our SEX OS has been corrupted by religious “bugs,” infected by patriarchal cultural “viruses,” and distorted by shame-based “malware.” Simply put, our SEX OS has been hacked! And the consequences could be catastrophic.

One has to wonder if our hacked SEX OS is the “root” cause of humanity’s “bitter fruits” — the self-inflicted, existential crises that threaten our survival?

The “story” we tell ourselves about sex is fundamentally the story of humanity. Whether that “story” is one of Original Sin or Original Blessing will determine the kind of society, the health of that society, and possibly even the fate of that society.

The Hindu Vedas, India’s millennia-old holy texts, understood the fundamental importance of sex and warned that a society which doesn’t view the male and female genitals as symbols of divine principles and revere them as sacred instruments is doomed.

Sex & Survival

Since our sexuality is a key to our humanity and the source code for society, our relationship with such a fundamental and consequential part of ourselves must be healthy.

We’ve only recently become aware of how we’ve been “poisoning our nest” — polluting the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the food we eat. Yet, we remain ignorant of how we’ve polluted the natural resource of our sexuality with millennia of toxic shame.

We must confront the magnitude of this collective trauma to such a fundamental and consequential part of our humanity and understand how it pollutes our inner and outer worlds.

To those who protest that we’re sexually liberated now, I ask these questions: Why are sexual words the only ones that get bleeped on TV? Why are sex-related jokes referred to as “dirty?” And why is the act of sex often called “the nasty?”

Awakening to the mystery and truth of sex, acknowledging that our SEX OS has been hacked, and healing the collective trauma of our sexual shame may not seem like essential tasks compared to dealing with the many existential crises we face. Yet, re-examining our sexual beliefs and re-imagining the “story” we tell ourselves about this fundamental and consequential part of being human will benefit us as individuals and as a society. However inconceivable it may seem, we need to consider the possibility that our collective sexual healing is necessary for civilization’s survival.

_______________

I. J. Weinstock is the author of THE SECRET SEX LIFE OF ANGELS series — an epic quest exploring the mystery that we call “sex.” This essay was adapted from his recent nonfiction book, OUR SECRET SEX LIFE: The Key to Humanity’s Destiny.