Questioning Sex #4: Is the Porn-ification of Puberty and Sex Ed a Ticking Time Bomb?
Is the increasing violence in our society a side-effect of online porn becoming the de facto Sex Ed of our youth?
by I. J. Weinstock
(Author’s Note: Beyond procreation and pleasure, sex is also the “source code” for society. How we conceive of, feel about, and engage in sex shapes relations between men and women, dictates the dynamics of family, and ultimately influences the values and structures of society. Since the “story” we tell ourselves about sex determines the kind of civilization in which we live, it’s essential that we ask questions about that “story,” especially about the hidden connections between sex and society.)
Porn is to sex like sugar is to food. It’s the equivalent of extracting the sugar from food to get the sweet high but without the nutrition. Eating candy occasionally is great, but if indulged in as a steady diet can be very unhealthy! Porn, like candy, isn’t nutritious. It’s more like a drug. An exclusive diet of porn takes the energy of sex and transmutes it into a “poison” with harmful side-effects.
— OUR SECRET SEX LIFE: The Key to Humanity’s Destiny
Today, a 10-year-old will see more people having sex in 5 minutes than their grandparents did in an entire lifetime. These are the first generations in human history who’ve gone through the profound biological rite of passage we call “puberty” with online porn as their guide.
Due to our society’s sexual shame and its inadequate attempt at “sex education,” porn has become the de facto Sex Ed of our youth.
What are the consequences?
We are beginning to see online porn’s impact on young boys and adult men, negatively affecting their relationships with themselves, with women, and ultimately with society as a whole.
The most apparent and widely reported impact is the addiction to online porn. While the average age of this porn addiction is 11, it can start in boys as young as 8-years-old.
Beyond its profound impact on boys’ psychological and sexual development, research reports significant changes to their developing brains.
…male teen addiction to online porn has taken away the mystery of women…yet report being terrified of women.
From a social perspective, male teen addiction to online porn has taken away the mystery of women. Since technology has made this sexual release so easily obtainable, boys are understandably less interested in confronting the anxiety and awkwardness of learning the social dance and relationship language required to attract a girlfriend. Without this social skill set, young men with porn addiction report being terrified of women. After all, they’ve become accustomed to a world of instant gratification at their fingertips without the demands of either responsibility or relationship.
Young boys going through puberty are filled with raging hormones. To experience their newly awakened sexuality, they masturbate. Real sex with another human being is both frightening and forbidden. And compared to what they’ve witnessed and masturbated to online, ironically, nothing special. So they become numb!
From a biological perspective, men with this type of addiction report being unable to maintain an erection without the aid of porn. Besides ED (erectile dysfunction), porn addicts also suffer reduced sex drive, exacerbating their social anxiety. And so begins a destructive cycle in which anxiety about person-to-person sex and ED fuels more porn addiction, which creates more social anxiety…and on and on.
As growing numbers of young men become alienated, socially anxious, and sexually frustrated loners…some will finally reach for the drug-like compensation of a gun.
One has to wonder if this destructive cycle contributes to the increasing violence in society. As growing numbers of young men become alienated, socially anxious, and sexually frustrated loners who stew in their unrequited passion and feel increasingly impotent, some will finally reach for the drug-like compensation of a gun and its symbolic and real power.
In their most extreme form, these young men identify as incels — shorthand for “involuntary celibates” — who blame women for their loneliness and sexual frustration and want to punish females for rejecting them and denying them their right to sex. One has to wonder — Is this porn-ification of puberty creating a ticking time bomb that explodes with increasing frequency in the form of mass shootings that shatter our society?
When the wide availability of online porn meets the culture’s reluctance to talk about sex, porn becomes the unofficial Sex Ed of our youth.
The epidemic of “porn addiction,” which begins in puberty, is made worse because parents are reluctant to talk about it. If they dread “the talk” with their children, how can they be expected to speak with them about porn? When the wide availability of online porn meets the culture’s reluctance to talk about sex, porn becomes the unofficial Sex Ed of our youth.
To make matters worse, what we call Sex Ed is laughable if it were not so sad and pathetic: teaching the young not to have sex and, if they do, how to avoid STDs.
According to sex therapist and educator, Dr. Marty Klein, most school sex education programs in the United States are not allowed to use the words clitoris or pleasure.
Porn, on the other hand, for all its misinformation and distortions, teaches pleasure. If we don’t teach our children about the joy of sex, porn will.
If our culture healed its sexual shame and actually taught the young about the sacred mystery we call “sex,” the porn addiction that now consumes young men, profoundly impacts young women, and wreaks havoc in society would have less of a hold.
PS — The Talk
Here’s a suggestion: If teens can watch murder and mayhem on their phones, and practice killing in their video games, while online porn becomes their de facto Sex Ed, perhaps they should be encouraged to read a fantasy series about an initiation into the ancient sacred “sexual mysteries.”
THE SECRET SEX LIFE OF ANGELS could be a new kind of Sex Ed, one that parents read, too. Who knows what healthy, sex-positive discussions might follow?
_________
I. J. Weinstock is the author of THE SECRET SEX LIFE OF ANGELS series — an epic quest exploring the mystery we call “sex.” His recent nonfiction book, OUR SECRET SEX LIFE: The Key to Humanity’s Destiny, reveals the hidden connections between sex, socety, and survival.
I. J. Weinstock’s recent articles on sex and society include:
— “Questioning Sex #2: Is a ‘Pussy’ By Any Other Name the Same?”
— “Questioning Sex #1: WTF Is It?”
— “Women’s Sexual Empowerment Can Save the World!”
— “A Conversation with OpenAI’s ChatGPT About Artificial Intelligence & Sex”
— “A New ‘Theory of Relativity’ Could Shake Up the World Again. But This Time It’s About Sex!”
— “Is Sex the Missing Piece of the Puzzle?”
— “Did Jesus Have a Secret Sex Life?”
— “It’s The Sex, Stupid! The Sexual Undercurrents of Recent and Future Politics”
For more information: www.IJWeinstock.com
CONTACT: dreamasterbooks@gmail.com