Some nice memories before I became uncomfortable around my father — The relationship with my father was troubled, so I could not soften into the parts that otherwise may have been nice. I recall a few moments of comfort. One was sitting on the black, round chair in the den, perhaps I was on his lap. I was telling him I…

The hows, ifs, and buts of a match we believed was made in heaven — We were the perfect couple. Yes, that was stated about us by friends and family. Well, people grow and change. I have written much about my divorce — but mostly the good stuff. …

She got back what she gave — I’d love to write a meaningful piece about my mother, who gave me so much, and has gotten a bad rap from me so far on Medium. I was always aware it would have been so nice to have been able to engage with her more and give her greater…

Often surprised by life, accepting the flow — This is an introduction to Jill Eng. Well, the full name is Jill Spiewak Eng (in fact Jill Ellen Spiewak Eng). Why all the names? When I got divorced, I decided to keep my married name, since I had less emotional strife with my ex-husband than my father and wanted…

Amazon as metaphor — October 13th has been set for change Not knowing where my suitcase will land Awaiting news here and there While money dribbles out Moving boxes to storage units His and mine A place of my own Twice as large as a two-by-four Loving it all the same Because it’s mine …

A recurring theme in my life — Yesterday I was walking with my best friend. I was relaying to her a conversation I had recently had with my ex-husband. Or rather a lack of discussion. I am in a strange predicament, unexpected and frightening to some who care about me. It is real, and I appreciate their…

A mixture of love and distaste — I’m lying in bed this morning. I hear him rustling in the kitchen. Making food and banging cupboards and drawers in his free physical manner. It reminds me of when we were married and I would be lying in bed at night in our upstairs bedroom. …

Peace of mind sustains me — Not knowing. Does life get any stranger than that? And yet it’s always the case. We never truly know where we’re headed, even in the next hour. No matter how many plans or bullet points fill our to-do list. I am helping somebody move out of their house. And I…

Blue Crocs and mayonnaise don’t jive — This may have been one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I guess that makes me kind of lucky considering the things people go through. It was about 9 years ago, and I was happily shopping in the cold-food section at Whole Foods. “Walking along singing a song”…