Note: This is the fourth post in a series called, “Five Lessons” for students in my personal branding class at Lindenwood University in St. Charles, Missouri. Join the conversation with the hashtag, #PBandJterm.
In our lessons so far, we’ve covered three ideas:
- Define success on your on terms. Find happiness first and success is likely to follow.
- Learn how to learn. Cultivate passion and curiosity — they are essentials in the new, box-less economy where you must “pick yourself” first.
- If you’re willing to do the work, you can use the four-step formula — Hustle. Connect. Share. Repeat. — to achieve your goals.
For Lesson #4, we need to have a chat with the voice in your head.
You know the one. The voice that says you’re not good enough. The voice that says you’ll never make it. The voice that says you’re crazy to pursue your dreams. The voice that says you’re not ready yet.
It is your voice, isn’t it?
You can’t blame your inner critic for protesting when you’re trying to do big, different, or artful things. But, recognize, it’s fueled by one thing — an insatiable hunger for validation.
What kind of validation? External validation. The kind you cannot control because it comes from forces outside of yourself. That stubborn voice in your head needs external validation before it offers its wholehearted support.
Where Does Validation Come From?
Validation is different for each person. For many, it thrives on approval from others. Perhaps, you need emotional support from a family member or a close friend, or from a large group of fans or followers.
Validation can also arrive in the form of tangible things you don’t yet possess. These could be in the form of a prestigious award, a production contract, a book deal, a dream job, that competitive performance gig, those sponsors, lots of web traffic, or paying customers.
The validation your inner critic seeks may only arrive after you’ve made the “big time” — however you’ve chosen to define such a place or event in your life. Even then, your inner critic has a funny way of moving the goal posts. It seems, what you’ve accomplished is never enough to satisfy the hungry beast.
Know the Difference Between Your ‘Taste’ and Your ‘Lizard Brain’
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we demand so much of of our work at the beginning of our journey?
Storyteller-extraordinaire Ira Glass offers this explanation, brought to life in this gorgeous video by Daniel Sax… (HT to Mike Spakowski of Atomic Dust for tweeting this last week.)
Leaning on your “taste” and moving through that “volume of work” as described in the video, can help you negotiate some of the inner turmoil and discouragement you feel when you first begin actively creating and sharing.
The key is to create through — and in spite of — the initial discouragement you may feel about your early creative work.
By working through the rough edges, you avoid allowing your high standards to paralyze you. In doing so, you issue a strong warning to the lizard in your head. The “lizard brain” is what Seth Godin aptly refers to the voice associated with the primarily tribal goals of safety and survival. The lizard is not interested in art. The lizard is not interested in creating value.
The lizard is the enemy of your creativity.
Change the Script
You can redefine validation and the incessant need for it. You can confront the lizard.
Start by changing the script. The next time that voice interrupts your creative journey with a fearful question like, “Excuse me, who do you think you are?” you have a few options.
First, understand its modus operandi. It doesn’t know any better. That’s how it was raised. It’s trying to survive. It’s acting like everyone else. Recognize the voice for what it is.
Then, ask this question:
What’s the worst thing that could happen if you believed in yourself and your creative pursuits before you received validation?
Finally, you may find it helpful to craft a new script and reference it when you need extra words of encouragement. This script can be a letter you write yourself, an inspirational quote, a personal mantra of sorts, a song — anything you can lean on when your inner critic shows up to bully you out of your artistic pursuits.
As we close this chat with the voice in your head, reflect on this famous quote, “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”
Respond to this challenge by answering these questions:
How can you avoid allowing your “taste” to paralyze your creative pursuits and career aspirations? How will you cultivate belief in yourself and your creative journey while quieting your inner critic? How will you “change the script” as described in the post?
For links to our other lessons, see below. As part of class assignments, students reflected on the ideas presented. You can read their discussions in the responses section of each lesson.
Lesson #1: Success and happiness — the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ of your journey
Lesson #2: Where did the box go?
Lesson #3: Hustle. Connect. Share. Repeat. — A Four-Step Formula for Achieving Your Goals
