POSITIVE INTENT
Great questions, good questions, dumb questions — any question is more useful than your opinion.
Leader, boss, parent, mentor, friend — as we embody each of these roles, we are consistently looked to for advice. They come to us when they aren’t sure what to do next. They bring us their intractable problems, looking for solutions.
And let’s be honest — it feels pretty good to be needed like this. And it feels good to solve problems for others, especially those who are close to us. But in almost every instance, the best and most helpful thing you can do is the opposite.
Don’t solve their problem. Ask a question instead.
This can feel counterintuitive at first, and it’s especially challenging when you’re feeling overwhelmed with life and work and you just need to get this person situated so you can move on to other things. …
Becoming aware of the light and power that lies within us
Hi, my name is James, and I’m a thinkaholic. Only through nearly two years of meditation and mental self-flagellation have I come to this realization — that I am hopelessly identified with my own thoughts. That I have trusted the voice in my head over my own intuition, and over the words and actions of others. That I have judged my own worth and my future prospects based on thoughts and ideas that occur only within my mind.
That I am, as so many of us are, addicted to thinking.
Drugs and alcohol are the well-worn classics in the addiction playlist, later joined by things like workaholism and shopaholism. We’ve become addicted to medication in all forms, addicted to technology and social media, addicted to conflict and controversy, addicted to pleasure and fear. …
In this time of isolation, focus on what you can control, find opportunity in adversity, and connect with others
There’s a reason Stoic philosophy has been making a comeback in recent years, more than two millennia after its creation. There’s a reason the fundamental beliefs and virtues of Stoicism overlap so much with those of Christianity and Buddhism. It’s because these ideas are timeless, and because they are most valuable to humanity when we are facing our greatest challenges.
It’s important to remember, too, that Stoicism is not merely about enduring suffering and hardship — it is about this, of course, but these ideas are much deeper and in some cases much more beautiful than you might imagine. …
Where my mind went while listening to Tool’s new album for the third time
With today’s release of Fear Inoculum, Tool ends a 13-year hiatus and resumes their exploration into what it means to be a human being.
For all the over-analysis of Lateralus, that album in particular contained a treasure trove of practical wisdom (which I explored in a previous real-time meditation). Given how much each band member has likely grown individually over the years, and how much time went into the creation of Fear Inoculum, there was no doubt in my mind that this would be a near-perfect album. …
In times like these, real men need each other — and their own Tyler Durden
During a pivotal moment early in Fight Club, Tyler Durden turns to his friend as they exit a bar and says, “I want you to hit me as hard as you can.” And lo, a men’s group is born.
Fight Club is a men’s group in the extreme—a place where men can go to be pummeled by other men who want only to be pummeled in return. The ceaseless shedding of layer upon layer of softness, until all that’s left, is the slab of granite at your core. …
Being good means thinking about death, but also pondering life.
You might die tomorrow, but that’s ok, if you live a good life today. To live a good life requires constantly thinking about death, as we have discussed previously, but this is not as morbid as it sounds.
Thinking about death does not mean thinking about dying, or how you’re going to die, or what it’s going to feel like, or what comes after.
It means thinking about your life in a new way. It means choosing a mindset and an approach to life that enables you to live without fear and die without regret.
To give you a nudge, here are a bunch of questions — along with quotes from a few great Stoics and one great pessimist — to help you rethink your life, live a better one, and ensure that if you die tomorrow, it will be ok. …
Don’t just come to grips with death. Allow it to guide you toward a good life, and make it a partner on your journey.
I drive fifty minutes to work every day, and fifty minutes back home. Most of that time, I’m either dealing with big-rigs on a two-lane country road, or I’m dealing with big-rigs on a busy highway. At any given moment, any single distraction — mine or someone else’s, caused by anything at all — could initiate a series of misfortunes that I wouldn’t be able to avoid, and … well, that would be that.
One hundred minutes of nearly every day of my life, I am literally inches away from death. Cumulatively, that’s more than eight hours of every week spent on the knife’s edge. …
Commit to your own growth, see the next rung, and your path will become clear.
Fifteen months ago, my life was… fine. I had what I would consider a pretty good career for someone who was still on the short side of 40, and who had never pursued an advanced degree or developed much of a plan. My marriage was strong and stable, and my kids were doing pretty well at complicated ages. The team I was managing was doing good work.
But I wasn’t content. The amount of time I spent on work felt out of balance. I found myself working nearly every evening, and every weekend, and there was no sign of this letting up. …
It starts with simple generosity and curiosity, but for your positive intent to spread, you must use your influence wisely.
Viewed from a high enough altitude, humans are nothing but dots. In the vast expanse of time and space, we are specks of dust.
This is not to say that our lives are a waste, or that we are each indistinguishable from the seven billion other dots on the planet. To the contrary: During this very brief period of time we call our lives, we little dots actually have quite a bit of agency.
We can connect with other dots to create lines — our relationships.
We can also join dots together to form circles of affiliation — our circles of friends and coworkers, for example. …
1. He sees his direct reports as people within his care. He considers their well-being, growth and fulfillment to be his responsibility.
2. She has lofty ideas about the future, but is very particular about her daily habits and practices.
3. He doesn’t solve problems. He coaches others to find solutions.
4. If she feels trapped, she keeps looking for a way out until she finds one. If a process is broken, she works on fixing it until it is fixed. If trust is damaged in a relationship, she starts rebuilding it. She does not complain much.
5. He does not abide conversations about tactics while the vision or strategy remain unclear. …
