Constantine: Horror Aging Friends Stars Hate
So, Matthew Perry wishes Keanu Reeves had died instead of River Phoenix and Health Ledger, eh? Seems like an odd thing to say and an even odder thing for the editor of your forthcoming book not to cut. Perry issued an apology saying he didn’t mean Reeves any ill-will and that he just picked a name at random. Still seems odd as he apparently does it twice in the biography, making the editor look even worse. Anyway, I’m glad Keanu didn’t die. For one, he seems like a lovely man — practically a saint by Hollywood standards. And secondly, if he had died, we wouldn’t have gotten him in Constantine.
I saw Constantine in theaters back in early 2005. I’m not sure what I expected as I was only vaguely familiar with the Hellblazer comics series, but had never actually read one. I guess that was a good thing because I remember having a blast at that screening, while a lot of fans of the character left theaters bewildered. I’ve been proselytizing for the movie ever since and a film adaptations course I took in college only made me more firm in my belief that the differences from the source material didn’t matter.
It wasn’t just comics nerds that shunned it. Critical reviews weren’t great either. It even made Roger Ebert’s “Most Hated” list. I didn’t get it. As the years went on, public sentiment started to turn though. I would imagine a lot of that owes to Keanu’s career resurgence and a reevalution of his work, but streaming also made the film more accessible for curious movie enthusiasts. Everyone with eyes and ears can tell that there is a lot to love about Constantine and Reeves is near the top of that list (though I won’t say the very top).
Matthew Perry’s little “joke” lamenting Keanu’s continued existence seemed to mostly take aim at his acting talent. There has been a lot of debate over whether Reeves is a “good” actor and if that even matters. I won’t delve into that too deeply here, but I’m generally on the side that good-ness can mean a lot of things. At the very least, he is a well-loved and charismatic screen presence. Is some of his line delivery a bit awkward in Constantine? Yeah, there are a couple noticeable ones, but he’s also not just coasting on looks and charm. Apart from the odd line here and there, I actually think he gives a pretty darn good performance. He’s believable in the role of a damned and dying exorcist and his chemistry with Rachel Weisz is palpable. I know a lot of the Hellblazer faithful would disagree and would have preferred someone different, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s my John Constantine and I’m psyched he’ll be riding all the film’s recent goodwill into a planned sequel.
So, what is there to like about this film that everyone was so wrong about and Kalla Jaco and I were so right about from the very beginning? Pretty much everything. I love the esoteric occult details. The film begins with Constantine performing an exocism on a young girl. To draw the demon out, he has several men hoist a giant mirror over her because demons are vain (who knew?). Even though he instructs the men to keep their eyes closed, one of them looks and, as a result, his hair turns white and he falls away in pain. The blunder nearly blows the whole plan, but John recovers and, with the demon now trapped in the mirror, they throw it out the upper-floor window and it smashes into a million pieces below. There are a lot of fun, unique moments and details like this. At one point, Constantine fights a monster composed of vermin with a box of screeching beetles and later he gains temporary passage to Hell by soaking his feet in water while staring deeply into a cats eyes — because they’re “half in, half out anyway”. That’s not to mention all the other kooky weapons he has, like some sort of supernatural James Bond. There is certainly some exposition about the rules and mechinations of the film’s world (there has to be), but a lot is also left to the interpretation of the viewer.
Besides Reeves and Weisz, the film has a great supporting cast. Gavin Rossdale and Tilda Swinton play a demon and an angel, respectively. Both look absolutely incredible and deliver fun performances. Djimon Hounsou plays Papa Midnite, a shaman with a neutral bar that both Heaven and Hell can patronise. He’s only in it for a few minutes, but he gets some memorable moments and lines — “IN MY HOUSE!”. If what I’ve described so far sounds a bit silly, it’s because it is, but the film is also played serious. It doesn’t have a bunch of one-liners, or pauses for audience laughter. Nobody is mugging for the camera or winking at the audience to let them know that they’re in on it all. The film isn’t embarrassed of itself.
And it shouldn’t be. I feel like a lot of care, love, and expertise went into making Constantine from everyone involved. We get a few big elaborate sets where I feel a 2022 production would have skimped. There’s a lot of color used in the film — not even in a comic-book-y kind of way, but just a film-y kind of way. The effects aren’t superb by today’s standards, but the design of the demons is still great and the vision of Hell (apparently inspired by footage of nuclear blast tests) is one of the better ones ever put on film. Even the diverse score, from Brian Tyler and Klaus Badelt, is a homerun.
I hinted earlier that Reeves himself isn’t the very top of the “what to love about Constantine” mountain. Fans of the film might have also noticed a name conspicuously missing from my paragraph highlighting the supporting cast. The absolute best thing about Constantine is when Peter Stormare’s Lucifer shows up.
Near the end of the film, Constantine is struggling to overcome the angel Gabriel (Swinton) and their plan to unleash Mammon, the son of Satan, on the human world. With no other options, he takes a big swing and cuts his own wrists, knowing that the Devil himself might be tempted to come claim his soul. He was right. Lucifer glides into frame in a white suit and dirty feet — a look curated by the actor himself — to banter a bit with John in his final moments (Matthew Perry would be salivating!). I loved this scene when I first saw it in theaters, just as I’ve loved every viewing since, but I watched it again today and it’s even better than I remember. I won’t break down the entire scene, but each expression, each movement, each line delivery, and every inflection is on point. He’s not overly perverse or suave. Constantine’s Satan is a little bit of both. This depiction, with Stormare in the driver’s seat, is pitch-perfect.
In the end, John’s gambit works and the Devil intervenes to prevent his son from spoiling his own plans for humanity. In gratitute, he offers Constantine a favor, but John pulls a little trick on Ol’ Lu to escape damnation (“the sacrifice!”, Stormare seethes). Constantine won’t be getting to Heaven that easily though. Lucifer mends his slashed wrists and violently pulls the cancer from his lungs to ensure John lives long enough to damn himself again. The last 15 minutes of so of the film are just on another level.
Is it scary? Yeah, kinda! The demons are pretty gruesome and lead to some suspenseful sequences.
Streaming? Constantine is available on HBO Max.
