Boarding school Syndrome. Have I got it?

Here is a short poem I wrote which relates to this story.

In Boarding School Syndrome: The Psychological Trauma of the ‘Privileged’ Child, Dr Joy Schaverien writes:

“Early rupture with home has a lasting influence on attachment patterns. When a child is brought up at home, the family adapts to accommodate it: growing up involves a constant negotiation between parents and children. But an institution cannot rebuild itself around one child. Instead, the child must adapt to the system. Combined with the sudden and repeated loss of parents, siblings, pets and toys, this causes the child to shut itself off from the need for intimacy. This can cause major problems in adulthood: depression, an inability to talk about or understand emotions, the urge to escape from or to destroy intimate relationships. These symptoms mostly affect early boarders: those who start when they are older are less likely to be harmed.”

Sufferers’ symptoms are often hidden behind a brittle façade of competence. Shame from having had — what others perceive as a privileged start — can prevent them from acknowledging their distress. Such adults have difficulty asking for help and can experience all manner of intimate issues in relationships. They are frequently emotionally cut-off as a result of living in an atmosphere where it was normal to keep silent about emotional stress.

I first came across this about two months ago as I was attending a meeting with a child therapist about my children. The…