10 Ways Self-Care Can Drastically Improve Your Life
Speaking from experience here…
Alright, folks. I’m not going to bury the lead. And it is this: Self-care works.
What do I mean when I say “works?” I mean it can change your experience of life. Which, in turn, changes your life.
Before we go further…
…let’s just establish that self-care is any act that is meant to nurture yourself or meet a need you have in body, mind, or soul. These acts can look a million different ways (one reason I’m in love with this topic!).
I’m going to address the “why” of self-care here in this article. But I can promise you there is a lot more where this came from. If you’re already asking, “So what are actual examples of self-care?” I will touch on that in a bit, but delve wayyy deeper into it with future posts.
This discussion is the whole point of what I do on here. And by here I mean the internet. Sharing my strategies. The things that have not only helped me get by, but feel better, and heck, even pulled me out of dark and scary places. But trust me, it’s not one and done. It has been — and is — a practice.
Often the term “self-care” has been reduced to suggestions of taking walks, getting massages, making a cup of tea, and the like. All good ideas (and things I partake in!) but there’s so much more to it. To me, self-care is an art. Even LIVING is an art, if we make it that way. My stance on self-care is this:
If there is one thing in this life you get good at, it needs to be self-care. It’s about survival. Moreover, it makes or breaks your quality of life.
The magic in it is that, when practiced regularly and more intentionally in times of stress, your mere survival can turn into thrival (not sure that’s an actual word, but if it isn’t, it should be and I’m making it one as of right now! lol).
So let’s dive into the reason you clicked today. There are countless ways self-care can improve your life but I’ve picked the top ten I’ve personally experienced and put them together in “listicle” form below!
The Ways
1. Keep perspective — I like to think of regular self-care practice as pavement work. Just like the repeated wear and tear on our roads, life grinds US down. We’ve got to get back to a level state of mind. Think of self-care as you filling the “potholes” to create a smoother ride for yourself. The risk of not doing so is a proverbial flat tire.
In myself, I have some warning signs that let me know I need to be taking better care of my body, mind, spirit, etc. and they include catastrophizing, rumination, lack of energy, and low motivation to name a few. I remember a couple years ago — while I was in the throes of hardcore work burnout and all of the above signs in full force — getting a nail in my tire. The fallout of having to reorganize my day (that, ironically and actually serendipitously, I had off already) sent me into a total tailspin, sitting with my jaw clenched at the service center, tapping my foot, going over and over my to-do list while waiting for my car to be done.
What this would have looked like had I been in a “better place” (ie taking care of myself and listening to my psyche’s cries for some TLC) is me indulging in the mindless daytime talk show they had playing on the TV, helping myself to the free coffee, and taking advantage of the forced break to breathe and just chill out. This was impossible for me at the time because I had lost perspective and didn’t have the tools to fix it/find it yet.
🤔 How do you know you’ve lost perspective? Do any of your signs match mine? Have you identified any precipitating factors such as work stress, tension at home, etc.?
2. Improve decision-making — This is all about being of sound mind and heart when making choices in every area of life. Think finances, fitness, food, the company you keep, sleep habits, and on and on. When you’re in a self-care deficit, you may make decisions coming from place of desperation. Or even reactivity. Both can spell trouble or worse, tragedy. Conversely, bringing your best self via self-care to the table of life gives you an undeniable advantage.
A relatively low-consequence (but still problematic) example is binging on sweets. Such a salve for a rough day, shoving fistfuls of mini chocolate bars into your mouth, am I right? It happens to the best of us! Heck, as I type this, my trash can is littered with empty fun size Halloween candy wrappers. So I get it. This week for me has been toddler turbulence at its finest, and I may have stuck my hand in the witch’s cauldron candy bowl a few too many times.
I recognize I need to regroup and make a plan to address how I’ve been feeling. Something I’m literally devising in real time! I realize staying up late watching TV as my “me time” makes for a rough morning and I need to set some boundaries. I know for myself, sleep has a domino effect on how my days go, so I often look to that first in resetting myself.
🤔: Ponder times you may have made a less-than-ideal choice because you weren’t your best self at the time. Are there areas you remember being “off” in your life that you could have shown more time and attention to as a preventative measure?
3. Lower cortisol levels — It’s called our nervous system for a reason. Stress spikes the hormone cortisol, which has major impacts throughout our bodies and minds. The effects are particularly significant if we sustain this heightened stress state over long periods of time (Sound scary? It’s worth a Google, trust me…). Some stress is normal, even kind of good. But we want to have the skills to get ourselves back to homeostasis.
One of the biggest cortisol spike-ers for me (and every parent since the dawn of time) was having a child. The circumstances surrounding her birth for me, health-wise, weren’t the best and I ended up having her prematurely. I recall times when my body was just buzzing with nervous energy, almost to point where that WAS my sole energy that I ended up relying on to propel me through the endless days and nights of early post-partum. Knowing if you stop moving for too long you’ll realize how exhausted you are and literally crash is a fragile and unsustainable place to be. But as a mom/parent, you can’t crash because there’s a precious little mini-me who depends on you.
At the start of the following year I decided I needed to overhaul my habits and created a list of things my days needed to include for me to feel whole again and simmer me down to the more chill version of my former self. Physical movement, getting fully dressed, and spending time on something spiritual were pathways back to “her.” I — and the rest of my family — was better for it.
🤔: Do you recall ever being in a high-stress state for a long period of time? What were the effects of that physically, mentally and spiritually? What brought you out of it?
4. Make genuine connections with others — This really ties in with your ability to be present with others; your “vibration” or energy, your capacity to listen…but not only that, being happy to truly hear the other person. On your end, you’d experience communication with an openness to share yourself in an authentic manner. The opposite is being preoccupied with anxious thoughts running rampant through your head…
…or feeling your jaw clenching while you fake a smile and nod your head trying to appear invested in what the 3rd grader in your office is reporting to you about what happened with her ex-best friend at recess. Does that sound oddly specific? It should because that is a perfect example of how I would feel as a school counselor after I scarfed lunch while at my desk reading annoying emails and a sweet little student would come to my counseling office door who I did not have the “emotional attention” or “emotional energy” for since I didn’t give it first to myself and address my needs by stopping to eat like a human being. Phew, that was a mouthful. Imagine what it felt like!
Though hard, I learned to set aside some time (though still not much due to the nature of the work) and actually close my door to eat. I could then calmly read the notes the kiddos slipped under my door and happily trot down the hallway with a full belly and fuller heart knowing my “battery” was recharged. This made a huge difference in my one-on one sessions.
🤔 Can you think of times when something similar happened to you, where a person in your life wanted more from you than you had available to give at that moment? What did that feel like? Conversely, maybe you remember a time you were a great listener. What do you remember about those circumstances — why then did the stars align?
5. Improve patience — You may realize your “cup” is — and has been — empty and needs filling. You may realize your cup has a crack in it and that’s why it can’t hold anything. When our capacity is low then we can’t meet challenges for the benefit of ourselves or others. If you’re in service work, addressing this mandatory (and usually part of your code of ethics). Also, your role (whatever it is) within a relationship or family unit will be greatly improved with self-care. Think: handling the unexpected, navigating others’ challenging emotions, and withstanding long periods of discomfort that are out of your control (A little tease for you — I’ll be coming out with a post here about how to get through a waiting period, so stay tuned for that).
It doesn’t take much to fill that metaphorical cup. It’s all about what makes you feel like the best version of you. Even mundane acts like grooming…which absolutely qualifies as self-care!
Why knowing my legs are shaved allows me to play peek-a-boo with my toddler with much more enthusiasm, I do not know. But it’s true! Which brings to mind: when I recognize I’m in a rut, I usually like to start a sort of “reset” (another post tease!) with catching up on any personal care and grooming I’m due for eg haircut, manicure, shaving, etc.
🤔 What are your personal signs that your patience has run out? Are there indicators BEFORE you’re in the red zone? Knowing this could be your entryway to using strategies to get back to your ideal state (or close to it).
6. Excel at work — Self-care is 100% non-negotiable when it comes to performing to your fullest potential on the job. You simply cannot bring your best self to work if you’re trying to manage mental and physical exhaustion, whether its origin started at home or the office (sometimes our homes can also be our office, but I digress!). Others can pick up on what version of you came to work, which in turn, dictates if we attract or repel colleagues with our vibe. This can have social benefits or drawbacks, and even financial benefits or drawbacks. Did that get your attention?
As a school counselor, one aspect of my work was to provide professional development to staff. Because I could see the burnout written all over the faces of so many colleagues of mine, I often would discuss self-care during my presentations. At this point in my career I had already been through my initial wellness “renaissance” and was such a believer! But at just the mention of the subject you could see the literal eye rolls. It pained me because those were the exact people that needed it the most! We all carry our internal “account balances” into work. I knew the positive ways I changed as a professional when I took time to do things to meet my needs before trying to serve others, hence my desire to help my coworkers.
For those who came on board, it became a wonderful sub-group of the staff who banded together in the fight against being part of the statistic that is rampant in education: fleeing the field for greener pastures. We created an after-school staff walking club, a “tea club” for sharing the beverage and accoutrements, a tap in-tap out text group to message if you needed a break for your mental or physical well-being, and other truly incredible interventions. My absolute favorite (and my pride and joy!) was our Staff Mindfulness Room. With the blessing of our amazing administration I emptied a spare storage closet, collaborated with a paraeducator who moonlighted as an interior designer, and created magic! A quiet and serene place for our educators to re-center so they could get back to personal peace and serve our school community most effectively. See photos below!
All of the efforts paid off with improved staff morale and even county school district recognition of what we were doing for staff wellness. Staff were empowered to give themselves the care they — day in and day out — were giving to others; and it became another example of the power of self-care in being a catalyst for transformation.
🤔: When you reflect on not only your work performance but your attitude in the workplace, do you feel it represents who you want to be as a professional? Are there areas for growth? Is there support for staff wellness where you work?
7. Boost creativity — Creativity means a lot of things, not just artistic ventures like painting or making music and such. It’s about problem-solving, open-mindedness, and growth mindset. If you’ve established a regular routine of self-care, you are bringing your “whole-est” self to life when you wake up everyday. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of manifesting positivity, joy and light in your life.
For me, I do use literal “creative” ventures as a measure for whether I am taking good care of myself. When I am stressed and pulled in too many directions, I stop creating. My soul feels like it’s withering away if I’m not doing what I love, whether it’s writing, interior design, painting, photography, etc. This is my cue to reorganize my time to schedule in what I need to get back to my favorite version of myself, the Creator.
I like to use an exercise I created called “Maslow Measurement” (strategy post on my blog asecondforselfcare.com coming soon!) where I essentially see where I currently fall on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. A repeated example is every time I’ve moved (five times in a five year period!) I let my creativity fall by the wayside being so wrapped up in the chaos. But listening to music and watercolor-ing (as an example) was what made me feel alive and gave me energy! So why not find even a sliver of time for it here and there? Creating is self-care and self-care is creating, in this case. Now as a busy mom I am often in the whirlwind of kid chaos but am determined not to abandon my joy in creating. Hence writing the majority of this article on my Medium app! And TMI, even nursing at times simultaneously like this very moment. Read: never give up.
🤔: When are you your most creative self? What is creativity for you? How do you relate to the world differently when that part of you is neglected? Or honored?
8. Enhance mindfulness practice — Mindfulness is all about noticing. Paying attention on purpose. It’s not about an empty mind, it’s about an open, observing, and non-judgmental mind. The benefits of mindful practice are vast. The shortest version I can give you is it allows you access to the most centered version of yourself. Meditation is a common form of this. Though mindfulness practice is a part of a well-balanced self-care regime, it’s also a chicken-and-egg situation because the state you enter into it impacts the practice itself.
Years ago the elementary school where I worked at the time (same as one discussed in previous example) offered free yoga for staff after dismissal. I started going religiously, knowing what a great opportunity this was. I noticed something interesting: the days I arrived to the mat at the end of the day harried, frazzled, and hungry from only getting through half my lunch, my practice was different.
Speaking of centered, literally, my balancing poses were off and I’d have the hardest time focusing mindfully on my drishti, the spot you choose to set your gaze upon in yoga. I’d tip over, over and over. When I came emotionally settled, I was able to drop into the moment and actually find my center of balance in Tree pose (or whatever it was). Note, of course people go to yoga TO practice self-care but I just couldn’t help but notice the state I arrived in was so impactful on what happened during the session.
🤔: Think about times you try to concentrate. What internal circumstances usually surround easy concentration? What about when it’s hard to focus? External factors can only be managed so much, so gauging our inner world is most beneficial in terms of our locus of control.
9. Enjoy life more fully — There’s no doubt that when you feel good physically, mentally, and spiritually, you enjoy life more fully — key words being deep, profound, awe... Moreover, knowing you played a primary role in creating that experience is extremely satisfying. In doing things for yourself and the benefit of you, the beauty of sowing and reaping comes forward. Contentment isn’t as fragile because you had a major hand in manifesting it through self-nurturing actions.
In the year 2018 I set a New Year’s resolution to become healthy inside and out. It wasn’t for weight loss or vanity. It wasn’t for pleasure or frivolity. It was because my quality of life depended on it. I was struggling with compassion fatigue, secondary trauma, vicarious trauma from my school counseling job. My new marriage was already on the rocks. I was overwhelmed at having just bought a house. The list went on. There was something in me that recognized it was time to turn inward. Probably because I had nowhere else to turn at that time, or didn’t feel like I did, anyway. I had been studying Buddhism amidst everything and was intrigued by the focus on creating one’s own experience. I felt so much loneliness in my painful world that it wasn’t hard to realize: however I got into this pit, I would have to find the way out.
That began a mothering relationship with myself and the “wellness renaissance” I referenced earlier. I experienced such renewed joy in living life against the backdrop of knowing I can comfort myself, I can nurture myself with what I need. My self-awareness grew and I carried that forward into now as a mother, mothering a baby, I’ve had to once again turn to this ability in mothering myself to be able to be whole for my daughter. Each time I’ve re-started this cycle of knowing I need to reset and then giving myself what I need, I find joy, peace and emotional freedom all over again. To me, that makes for a life fully-lived.
🤔: A colloquial term that applies here is “pulling yourself up by the bootstraps.” Have you ever done this? Were there occasions when, looking back, you realize you should have related to yourself in a “mothering” fashion? What did you need? How would life have been different if you had given it to yourself (the aspects you could control?)
10. Connect with your highest self — This is very “meta” but the idea is that, when you’ve dedicated yourself to your personal peace, well-being, self-care, whatever terms you want to use, you can access levels of yourself that would have been otherwise unavailable.
Moving out in my 20s was a culture shock for me. I can say I was always pretty mature for my age, but looking back, I was such a baby entering the world of independence. The effects of being on my own (albeit having moved in with my then-boyfriend, but “alone” nonetheless…again, I digress…) weighed on me. I was in the middle of my career switch from business and marketing to school counseling and was just starting to dabble in personal development as a salve to the misalignment I was feeling in so many ways.
At this time I chose food as a primary mechanism for showing myself the love I needed, and developed a diet for myself that made my body and brain feel good. That trickled into other positive behaviors and pervaded my life that year and beyond. Though the next few years were punctuated with many struggles, I was able to use this initial start as evidence I could rise to the occasion, mature, and observe myself to learn what I wanted and needed. Spoiler alert! Years of developing this skill led to a complete overhaul of my whole life, from relationships, personal habits, to career, and where I live. My life today is unrecognizable from the life I led years ago, and in the best way possible.
🤔: Reflecting on the past few years, were there years where you were your “highest self?” Or is that something you aspire to attain? What inspires you to change? External motivators factors are powerful, but the most radical change comes from a desire within. What do you want your life to look and feel like?
Your “Doggy Bag” of To-Go Info:
Whether you seek a certain outcome or improvement in your life, or just want to see how good things can get in your day-to-day, then find a way to add in self-care. Ignore those who pooh-pooh it — this is not about essential oils and buying over-priced coffee house drinks (though there is certainly a time and place for both of those). This is about surviving and thriving in this life.
It’s your duty to yourself, and in a way, to those around you who depend on you, to take time to do things that are meant to nurture your body, mind, and soul. What are these “things” you can do? For easy-to-implement examples, you can start here on my blog where I post a new self-care strategy on Mondays. If you’d like to see the strategies “at a glance” check out my Pinterest page which is set up like a display of trading cards — just look around and pick what seems like a good fit for you! (Note: there are more strategies on my blog than my Pinterest because I started my Pinterest account later on). If you want to hear a bit more on my philosophy about self-care, read this and this.
If you’ve found anything here or on my site helpful, I’d love to hear from you! Thank you for spending this time with me. :)
Warmly,
Just a Girl & Her Strategies ❤
