The Real Leader Code
In my last story, I introduced the Real Leader Code and contrasted it with the code followed by manipulators. In this post I’ll unpack the Code in detail, including examples as we go.
Start With Inspiration
When I was a young Boy Scout, I had some fantastic adult leaders. They spoke passionately about the value of strong moral character as the foundation of society. I wanted to be what they described. I wanted to learn how to do it. I was willing to pay attention in our meetings, which is a really big deal when you are young. I was willing to endure the hardships of winter camping in Idaho. I was willing to show up for service projects picking up garbage along the highway. I was willing to give these leaders my followership because I was inspired by the “Character Counts” concept at the heart of Scouting.
People are most inspired when the leader articulates a noble common goal. In the case of Scouting, I was inspired by the goal of building a strong foundation of society. It just felt like a worthwhile thing to do, even at a very young age.
A noble common goal is the “Why” of your organization¹. Why does the organization exist and why does it matter? What worthy outcome is the organization really trying to accomplish? The answer should be more than “maximize shareholder value by delivering profitable growth.” Profitable growth is great, and people do need to see appropriate and proportional extrinsic rewards for their efforts, but the best leaders focus on the intrinsic² rewards that come from concerted effort on things that matter, such as:
- Reshaping society for the better
- Doing something very difficult that no one has ever done before
- Expanding the boundaries of knowledge or execution
- Pioneering new and better ways of working together
- Defeating a formidable enemy
A friend of mine is a medical researcher who is working on a cure for an illness that has plagued her family for years . She has dedicated her life to crushing this disease — a formidable enemy. When she speaks about her plans, it is incredibly inspiring. She has a deep well of emotional power to draw on, but she also has a detailed plan of attack, and all the right skills to pull it off. If I was that disease, I would be scared. This ability to create a sense of inevitability about a worthy future state is what real leaders have. My friend has that ability, and it draws talented people to her and binds them to her with strong, authentic followership.
In contrast to real leaders, manipulators usually appeal to self-interest to get others to contribute to their cause. They pitch all kinds of transactions to others in the “if you do X, you’ll get Y” form or the more menacing “if you don’t do X, Y will happen” form. They sell these transactions as “fair” but really they don’t care about fairness at all. As long as the transaction advances their personal self-interests as quickly as possible and at minimum cost, it’s a good transaction. The impact on others, and the long term implications for the organization and society don’t matter much to a manipulator. It’s all about what they want, and we’re all just tools to get them there.
Some manipulators will sell a grand vision as a way of negotiating more favorable transactions with followers. Their vision may include promises of wealth, power, influence, and fame. They tell us we’re going to “win” in the market and share in the spoils — anything that gets us on their bus.
So how do you know if you are being invited on a manipulator’s bus? Here are some tells. Is their “inspiring vision” something that appeals to our most noble instincts or does it appeal to base instincts? Is it something that provides net benefits to society or is it something that just moves money onto the leader’s pile? Is it something that will make the participants better people with more capacity and inclination to do good or does it demean and degrade people? Beyond these tells, it’s also important to follow your gut. Being sold just feels gross, whereas being inspired feels amazing.
Love vs Enmity
Real leaders operate based on love and concern for their followers. They actually care about people and want to serve them and help them develop their potential. They want to help people to discover their capabilities, expand and develop those capabilities, and organize those capabilities for maximum impact in achieving noble common goals.
As I look back, some of my most rewarding leadership moments have been the times that I have been able to spot capabilities in a person who did not yet see those capabilities in themselves, and then help them discover and develop those capabilities over time. It can be a little painful placing people in roles that they feel unprepared for, but when they bloom where they are planted, it’s just magical. Looking back on my own career, I can see the hand of many real leaders who saw potential in me and worked to bring that out. I owe these mentors everything.
In contrast to real leaders, manipulators operate based on enmity³. Enmity is an old word that means “the state or feeling of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.” It derives from a scarcity mindset, in which we see the progress of others as diminishing our own progress.
Manipulators see the world as a game others must lose in order for them to win. Reality just doesn’t work that way. Lifting others does not put us down. Others lifting themselves does not put us down. It is that act of seeing ourselves in competition with others that diminishes us. People sense that a real leader wants them to succeed, and they work harder and are more loyal because of it.
Despite the enmity that manipulators feel toward others, most are not openly hostile. They cloak their underlying hostility with lots of glad-handing and laughter, but the edge is always there below the surface. You can expect to be flattered by manipulators. They will seek to discover and exploit all your vulnerabilities in subtle ways. But at some point the transactional bargaining begins, and you will sense that you are being sorted, weighed, and measured for your spot in their machinations. Yuck.
Instead of discovering and developing capabilities, manipulators view capabilities as largely fixed. They don’t spend much time trying to get to know people and figuring out how to unlock their potential. They just slot people into the machine and see if they “work out” or not. For a manipulator, development is not their job. For a real leader, capability development is a defining aspect of the job.
If they happen to discover that a follower has considerable potential, a manipulator may feel threatened. Manipulators always default to fear in unexpected situations. They worry that a person with unexpected potential might want to renegotiate past transactions, so they start to think of ways to delay or neutralize the threat. Manipulators want an orderly world of thousands of little negotiated contracts that add up to lasting advantage for them. What they fail to see is that discovering and developing the capabilities of their people is the ONLY source of lasting advantage.
Conclusion
For real leaders, the capabilities of others are gifts to be discovered, celebrated, developed, and harnessed for the common good. For manipulators, the capabilities of others are resources to be captured, surrendered, controlled, and depleted for the manipulator’s benefit. Manipulators both envy and fear talent — it makes them nervous until it is under their control, and then they hold on to it very tightly lest it somehow escape. Real leaders admire and create talent, but they don’t hold onto it too tightly because they know it needs freedom to thrive. Who would you rather be? Who would you rather follow?
¹ See Simon Sinek, Start with Why
² See Daniel Pink, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
³ The opposite of enmity is amity, or friendly love. See Online Etymology Dictionary.
