POLITICS

Supreme Court Justices are not beholden to politics.

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Photo by Claire Anderson on Unsplash

As if 2020 couldn’t get any worse. Here we are just days away from confirming a replacement for the great Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s seat.

Before she was known as Judge and eventually Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg spent her career litigating cases for women’s rights before the Supreme Court. Eventually she was appointed to the high court by President Bill Clinton. She spent the remainder of her career quietly ruling in favor of equality over and over. Her famous dissents made her a feminist and pop-culture icon in the first part of the 21st century.

And now, here we are. President Trump has appointed conservative Amy Coney Barrett to replace Ginsburg on the Supreme Court. A good, submissive, white, Catholic wife and mother who couldn’t possibly be where she is today had it not been for all the work Ginsburg did for women’s rights during her career. …


SATIRE

From COVID-19

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Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Hey America!

Thank you for letting me stay with you these past several months. Your hospitality has been amazing. When folks said Americans know how to show someone a good time, they weren’t kidding.

I was pretty concerned when I arrived on your shores in January. I thought it was the beginning of the end. I mean, you’ve got so much wealth. And you’re always talking about how America is better than every other country. I assumed America was where infectious diseases went to die.

How wrong I was! Our viral voices have been heard, you truly are a democracy where a person’s a person — no matter how small. This place has been great. …


SATIRE

I can’t believe how well this works

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Photo by Eli Francis on Unsplash

I learned about abundance mentality a few years ago — after I started freelancing. I’ll admit, I was super skeptical. As a somewhat logical person, it didn’t make sense that simply thinking about an abundant life would actually make it happen.

Boy was I wrong! It took some time, but once I got into the habit of meditating on abundance every day, I started to see changes. I’d just close my eyes and meditate for twenty minutes and then I’d open them and see the things I needed — and some things I wanted.

As I developed my manifesting practice, I improved my manifesting abilities. …


Here’s what you can do instead.

Self-care doesn’t need to be toxic. It can be as simple as petting your cat.
Self-care doesn’t need to be toxic. It can be as simple as petting your cat.
Photo by Yerlin Matu on Unsplash

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare. — Audre Lorde.

Self-care is hot these days. As we go about our daily lives, we’re pummeled with a barrage of advice on self-care be it fitness, nutrition, skin care, hobbies, or mental health. You’re simply not living if you’re not “self-caring.”

Self care is important.

It keeps us sane.

And healthy.

I participate in personal self-care rituals every single day. When I don’t, I’m crabby, impatient and unreasonable.

Even so, my journey hasn’t been perfect. I’ve travelled the road of depression and anxiety. …


The introverted new employee and kind-hearted former journalist is unsure how to take her new status as the most feared person in the office

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Photo by Trey Gibson on Unsplash

USA — Big Large Corporation’s newest employee, Communications and Media Relations Specialist, Jennifer Jorgenson and her red pen have begun what can only be described as a reign of terror by her fellow employees.

Managers and co-workers alike agree her editing skills are unlike any they’ve encountered in their corporate careers.

“One day my administrative assistant was out sick so I brought my work to Jennifer,” recalled the Director of Marketing. “I figured since she used to be a professional writer she’d spot any misspelled words or misplaced punctuation. That’s usually all my memos need.”

“To my surprise she returned my memo 30 minutes later with multiple corrections on every line. What a hit to the ego! No wonder it took her so long! And the thing is, when I made those corrections the memo was 1000 times better. So clear, so succinct, so on point. It was truly a work of art.” …


If school started today — but it might change tomorrow — depending on a number of factors.

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Photo by Deleece Cook on Unsplash

USA — Pressured by the government to reopen or lose funding, public school districts across the country announced what they think might possibly be the plan for the school year if the COVID case numbers present today remained the same for the entire year.

“We know you have been wondering, and we think we might have a possible tentative plan for what we might do in the event we decide we could perhaps open the schools this fall. …


Just call me the queen of cancel culture

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Photo by Rami Al-zayat on Unsplash

I always knew I had a calling. The day social media announced they were going to more closely monitor what people posted and shared on their platforms, I knew I had found mine.

You see, in searching for my calling, I’ve spent a lot of time on social media — so I’m an expert. I can sniff out a bad post better than anyone. Once Facebook gave me the power to report those bad posts, I went to work!

You’ve been warned.

Post cute pictures of your kids or pets too many days in a row? …


Keep your friends and improve your life with these tips.

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Photo by Tarik Haiga on Unsplash

If 2020 has taught me anything it’s that people will share anything that aligns with their personal beliefs on the Internet.

And that people with money will pay “experts” to help spread misinformation.

And even highly credentialed people will accept the money. Because, apparently, money is king in the United States.

But, the thing is, this current misinformation campaign is literally killing Americans.

Seriously.

Most other countries in the world followed the World Health Organization’s recommendations regarding COVID-19. Many governments imposed lock downs and literally paid their citizens to stay home so that they could stay healthy and safe.

When these countries emerged from the lockdowns, those same governments imposed mask mandates — again — to keep people safe. …


PETS

Paws down, she gives it five stars.

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Photo by Lucas Ludwig on Unsplash

Let me start off by telling you that it has literally been years since my human took me to the dog park. She used to take me all the time and then — she just stopped.

There were conversations about baths, and how I didn’t like them.

I don’t like baths — who does? And why is this a good reason to not take me to the dog park?

So yesterday, when my human decided to take me to the dog park, well, I realized that the squirrel I killed for her a few weeks ago was not for naught.

We arrived mid-afternoon — the park was busy but not crowded. …


ADVICE

Sage advice from a seventh-grader

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Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

Hey sixth-grader. It’s me. A seventh-grader.

I’ve done a whole year of middle school. So I’m an expert now. And I’ve taken a break from playing Fortnite to tell you everything you need to know about middle school.

You’ll find out who your teachers are in a few weeks, and you’ll get to go to an orientation to learn how to get around school. That’s the easy stuff.

And, yeah. There will be more homework.

But nothing will change your life more than this one thing. …

About

Kim Funk

A hockey mom who writes about hockey, writing, and life lessons with a dash of humor. Find out more at www.kimfunkcreative.com.

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