The Power of Reciprocity
As an undergraduate student, possibly in Psych 101, I learned about reciprocal altruism. This is a concept that was initially introduced in the 1970s by an evolutionary biologist, Robert Trivers, although the basic idea goes back much further. Trivers pointed out that human beings have evolved to exhibit a somewhat unusual behavior. We help strangers — those with whom we have no direct relationship— even when it might seem counter-intuitive to do so.
To illustrate the point, Trivers gives the example of a person jumping into the ocean to help a stranger who is drowning. To most of us, this just seems like the right thing to do (altruism). But Trivers argues that there is actually some very complex evolutionary math taking place behind the scenes. In these kinds of situations, according to his theory, we are unconsciously weighing the potential harm to ourselves against the potential benefits to the person in need of rescue. If we can help a stranger at a relatively low cost to ourselves compared to the magnitude of their plight, the theory suggests that we should act. This is because it’s possible (perhaps even likely) that the stranger will reciprocate and help us in the future if they see us on the verge of drowning. Therefore, we are increasing our own chance of long-term survival by taking a calculated short-term risk. And as a species, we benefit greatly over time by making relatively small investments to help others who are in great need.
You might be wondering why I, a career coaching professional, am discussing this. The reason is that when it comes to searching for a new job, it can often feel like we are treading water in the middle of the ocean, desperately in need of a lifeline. Making matters worse, we might feel like we have very little to offer in return for a stranger’s help— nothing of value that would balance the evolutionary equation and justify their support. To use a different metaphor, the job hunt is similar to apartment hunting in New York City — it feels like we are couch-surfing, moving from one neighborhood to the next, constantly asking for favors, while everyone around us seems established and comfortable.
However, as I wrote in a previous article, it is important that we ask for help when we need it. Too often we fool ourselves into thinking that asking for help will be fruitless; pointless. But what we fail to recognize is that the people around us often possess a reservoir of untapped goodwill, whether in the form of advice, encouragement, or an introduction to someone else who may be in an even better position to help. These are the small lifelines (for them) that can make a huge difference (for us) and get us back on track toward achieving our goals.
This is why I often recommend — to students who are feeling lost — a public request for help from those in their network. A LinkedIn post outlining your goals, for example, or an equivalent email with close personal and professional contacts bcc’d, can provide a much-needed boost to your job search. And while this might initially sound as appealing as jumping ship in the middle of the Pacific ocean, the students I’ve worked with who have put themselves out there and submitted a public (or semi-public) request for help have all found helping hands extending from numerous — and often unexpected — directions.
With my drowning man metaphor approaching exhaustion, I’ll end this post with a simple plea: the next time you receive a request for help from someone in the midst of a job search, I hope you’ll consider extending your hand. That small gesture can make an enormous difference. And to anyone who has been the beneficiary of that communal lifeline, I encourage you to return the favor and help someone else in the future.
As always, I welcome comments and discussion. Thanks for reading!
