How we decided to adopt a child and what kind of child we’ll be adopting
We can have children, we already have two, but…
Years ago, the topic of adoption came up casually as my husband and I gently tested each others’ interest levels.
It had never been a deep conversation, just gentle breadcrumbs scattered throughout our timeline.
We already had two children. From Benn’s previous marriage, we had our son Tyler who’s an adult now and daughter Baylee who’s now in college. We had a stillborn son named Kennedy in 2005, just a year after we were married.
We had never been impatient about having children and we continue to trust in God’s plan. We instinctively know it will happen when it happens. We’ve had genetic counseling and fertility testing and we’re good to go - we CAN have children biologically. But again, you can’t rush God’s plan.
Then it randomly all came together…
Over the winter holidays, we gathered up these tiny breadcrumbs and formed them together into a real plan. Benn asked one morning, “what do you think about adoption?” A question we had dabbled with, but this time I saw intention in his eyes. We both knew in that moment that it was time.
We discussed our desires, agreeing that with 40,000 children in foster care in Texas alone, there was a real need and we’re equipped to take action.
After that, we established that we are looking for a child that may be harder to place (again, because we can, and we’re called to), so we remained open to age, opting in to children between the ages of 4 and 10. That’s a pretty broad window, so planning is tough.
We also don’t care about the gender or race of our child, but agreed that an extremely medically fragile child isn’t something we’re prepared for. That felt selfish, but we have to be realistic with our gifts and talents and neither of us are medically trained.
TL;DR: We’re adopting a child between the ages of 4 and 10; gender and race matter not.
So why are we doing this?
As humans, we are called. We hear a cry for help and we’re able to do something about it. As parents, we are called. As a happily married couple, we are called. As Texans, we are called.
As Catholics (who are pro-life (caveat: we don’t believe it’s the government’s place to be involved, so we support choice, ironically)), we are called to do more than just talk.
As every part of our identities, we are called.
Our child already exists…
The child that will eventually become part of our family already exists. He or she is already out there breathing and forming independent thought.
That freaks me out.
This child will come from a hard place. They have been removed from a home with the parent(s) who they love, no matter how harshly they’ve been neglected or abused. They’re already hurt. They’re already confused. Their parents may have fought through the court process for them and been unable to fight their addiction or mental health challenges. Or maybe their parents gave up.
Our future child is already beyond their toddler years and they’ll be aware of their surroundings. He or she comes from a place of trauma, a “hard place.” AND WE ARE READY.
WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT REQUEST….
Below is a video that will help you to understand just SOME of the challenges our future child may have lived through — it’s 13 minutes and if you’ve read this far, we ask you to watch.
I promise you’ll learn from it, and it would mean everything to us if you watched. And you might cry, sorry:
The above video is why this isn’t about us. It’s about our future child. So when people say we’re amazing people or that we’re saving someone — no we’re not.
A child needs a good home. We have one. Therefore, they can have it.
We’ll write about our ongoing process beyond the decision phase (it’s lengthy and intense already), but today, we wanted to share with you how we made our decision and assert that we both instinctively wanted the same thing without having had deep discussions on the topic (although we’ve flirted with the idea for a decade or so).
We thank you for joining us on this journey — we’ll need you all.
