Mastering Metamorphoses: Games for Radical Living in the Default World

Life-hacks to court the magic of Burning Man beyond the playa

For many Burners, returning to the “default world” after an extended dusty immersion in Black Rock City can be quite jarring. When you’re suddenly back in the office, the thrill of riding a fire-spitting octopus into the sunset while wearing nothing but pasties and a tutu can feel like a distant memory. But integration is key for the transformative potential of Burning Man to be fully realized.

The playa is a portal for transformation and transcendence, an autonomous space in which we get to expand our sense of self and experiment with new ways of being and relating. The collective suspension, exploration, and reconfiguration of social norms that occurs at Burning Man invites us to paint from the palette of possibility, imbuing us with a heightened sense of agency by giving us the embodied experience of co-creating our reality.

Maintaining this co-creative agency, along with the elevated states of play, openness, empathy, and self-expression that the playa induces, once we return to our “normal” lives is a challenge all Burners face. It’s not uncommon to experience a sense of grief and melancholy upon reentering the default world because the unique conditions that induced those elevated states are no longer in place.

But if you subscribe to the belief that profound magic, serendipity, growth, and connection are only available to you at Burning Man, or that you can only be a certain way — free, authentic, present, generous, bold, etc. — when you are on the playa, you do yourself, your community, and the planet a great disservice.

Such ontological compartmentalization feeds critiques of Burning Man for being a utopian bubble that has little impact in the real world. Anyone whose life has been touched by Burning Man knows that it has a vital role to play in shifting planetary culture. But the onus is on us to define the new default through our actions and behaviors off the playa.

So how do we keep the magic alive? How do we continue to embody an expanded sense of self? How do we ensure that our transformation is sustainable rather than relegated to a peak experience? How do we cultivate meaningful connections, court serendipity, and practice immediacy in our default lives? How can we be effective stewards of the ten principles so that they reverberate into the world at large?

I’ve come up with a series of life-hacks designed to facilitate a more magical rapport with the world and even spark continued transformation. I’ve divided them into four realms that I find to be foundational to the Burning Man experience: Connection, Generosity, Self-Expression, and Serendipity.

:: Connection ::

Spontaneous connections with strangers is one of the greatest medicines that Burning Man has to offer. They are an antidote to the alienation so many of us experience in the default world.

You know how easy it is to fall deep into conversation with someone you just met on the playa? Someone you wouldn’t normally connect with in the default world? How do these moments enrich your life? Perhaps they make you feel greater compassion and hope for humanity. Perhaps they cause you to examine your own judgments and biases about other people. Perhaps they allow you to be vulnerable in ways that are healing and expansive.

What is it about your disposition in these moments that enables such rich connections to occur? Reflecting on this question can help you access this state again. For me, it’s a heightened state of empathy, curiosity, and presence. Practice courting deeper connection using the following life-hacks:

• Connection Roulette: Choose someone at random from your phone — try closing your eyes and scrolling through your contacts while you count to five. Whoever you land on, cold call him or her to say hello, or send them a message inviting them on a phone date to catch-up.
• Follow up: Turn fleeting moments of connection into lasting friendships by following up with everyone you connected with on the playa. Don’t just send a Facebook message — schedule a phone call or meet up, and carve out time to drop in deeper.
• Romantic Audacity: Ask someone you like out. Just do it. Beautifully and boldly.
• Talk to Strangers: Make this a practice. The opportunities are endless — at the grocery store, waiting for the light to change, purchasing gum...Ask meaningful questions that won’t elicit a rote response, such as, “What’s especially alive for you today?” or “What’s something you’re looking forward to today?” or “Have you learned anything interesting lately?” As someone who despises smalltalk, I find arming myself with good questions ensures that I’ll have a meaningful and interesting interaction, and I’m thus more likely to engage people.
• Throw a public tea party in a park: After my first Burn years ago, I started throwing guerrilla tea parties in Prospect Park. I’d set up a big blanket, play music on a bluetooth speaker, put out snacks, and invite passersby to tea. I had some wonderful encounters and made beautiful friends. The guest list is self-selecting — not everyone will choose to engage (some people were even suspicious — “Um, what’s in that tea…?”) but that’s okay. Those who are open to spontaneous connections will join you, and you’ll collect allies for
• Send a letter: Write someone an actual letter and mail it to them.
• Lend an ear: Invite people to share their vulnerabilities with you. Let people know you are available to hold space for them. Post this publicly, and you may be amazed by who reaches out and what transpires.
• Be the light: At Burning Man we all subscribe to eye contact and smiles, and it really makes being alive feel sweeter. Continue this practice in the default world. It’s unbelievable what a difference it can make in someone’s day, and you can bet the vibes you put out will be mirrored back to you.

*Worried you’ll have nothing to talk about? Try these conversation hacks.

:: Generosity ::

One thing we all learn on the playa is how deeply rewarding it is to be of service. Be proactive about carrying this practice into the default world, and you will witness great magic unfold.

• Carve out a few hours to be of service: Post on community forums like Next-Door letting your neighbors know that you are available to help.
• Beautify a public space: Leave flowers on a street corner. Create a small installation using found objects. Tape inspiring notes or lines of poetry on cafe tables or subway seats.
• Volunteer: Find somewhere your skills can be put to use, and show up.
• Send an anonymous gift: Choose someone you love, think about what would really light them up, and send it to them ASAP, without signing the package.
• Guerrilla Gifting: Arm yourself with meaningful gifts to distribute to strangers throughout your day. Be intentional, be creative. Don’t just buy crap to hand out — it’s not about being a walking candy machine, but rather having something on hand to commemorate an unexpected connection or brighten someone’s day. Consider buying the person behind you in line at the cafe a cup of coffee, or paying the toll of the car behind you on the freeway, or picking up someone’s tab at a bar, or gifting beautiful postcards, books, handwritten poems or quotes on nice stationary, tickets to a concert or art exhibit, a gift certificate. Please comment with other gift ideas!
• Trust — and act — like what you do matters: One of the things that makes Burning Man so magical is the sense that we each have something meaningful to contribute. Small gestures seem to have a real impact, resonating palpably in the vortex of interconnectivity that is the playa, which reinforces positive behavior. It’s easy to feel powerless in our default lives, like whatever we do isn’t enough to fix the world. But the truth is, our actions have powerful, if unforeseen, ripple effects. Harbor this truth, and act accordingly. It will strengthen your sense of agency and make you feel part of a web of meaning in the default world.

:: Self-Expression ::

For many Burners, the playa provides a unique opportunity to stretch their creative muscles. But creativity for creativity’s sake should not be limited to a week in the desert. Try these hacks to exercise your creative agency:

• Fashion: Wear something you don’t usually wear — a bright color, an exotic accessory, something fancy, something that might affect your posture. Every day is an opportunity for aesthetic experimentation, and as we know from the playa, changing our attire is wonderful way to change how we experience ourselves.
• Decoration: Choose an item that you use regularly, like a mug or a briefcase, and decorate it so that it is uniquely yours. Know that in doing so, you will bring joy to others who will appreciate its whimsical or aesthetic flair.
• DIY Crafting: Identify something utilitarian that you would normally purchase and try to build it yourself instead. This hack touches on the principles of decommodification and self-reliance as well as self-expression. Become less of a consumer by exercising your creative agency.
• Manifestation: What’s one idea, big or small, brilliant or silly, that you’ve been sitting on that you would love to manifest? Take one small action step towards its completion today. Imagination need not only reign on the playa.
• Guerrilla Costume Show: Show up in a public space wearing an outrageous costume. Bring a polaroid camera and invite people to take photos with you. As a bonus, bring a basket of costume pieces for them to pose with as well.
• Transform your environment: Space reflects mind and visa versa. If you experienced transformation on the playa, solidify it by transforming your personal space. What can you do to beautify, whimsify, or reimagine your home?

:: Serendipity ::

The playa induces a heightened sense of presence and timelessness. We learn to surrender to the moment and trust the unknown. Synchronicity abounds. It’s a delicious state to be in, and one that you can experience in your default life with these simple hacks:

• Transform your experience of time: Move extra slowly. Walk slowly, bring mindfulness to everything you do, slow down to become more present in each moment.
• Arrive 20 minutes early: Do not reach for your phone or a book. Just be present and available.
• Eschew apps like Yelp or Tinder: Once in a while — go analog. Discover a new restaurant by wandering through an unfamiliar neighborhood. Get local suggestions from random people in the area. Have someone set you up on a date or ask someone out in real time.
• Design an experience for someone: Let it be a surprise. Guide someone step-by-step through a unique experience that might allow them to tap into the same timelessness and magic you experienced on the playa. Ask them to design an experience for you in return.
• Venture into the world without your phone: Walk 15 minutes in one direction, 10 in another, then jump on the first bus you see. Roll a dice to decide which stop to get off. Get lost and ask people for directions. Up the ante by asking a stranger to direct you to his or her favorite spot in the neighborhood. Then ask another stranger to give you random directions (five blocks West, six blocks South, cross the street…) and see where you end up. Getting lost is an art, adventure is a state of mind.*

*Read this for inspiration on the art of the wander.

and a bonus hack…

:: Leave No Trace ::

Burners get a lot of flak for generating so much waste. I’ll be addressing this issue in a future article, but for now, I want to suggest that Burning Man actually fosters greater mindfulness about waste. The principle of Leave No Trace creates a culture in which people are socially shamed for not properly dealing with their trash. There are no garbage trucks at Burning Man — you pack it in and pack it out. I’m aware of the exact amount of trash I generate throughout the week because I have to take it home with me — so I strategize ahead of time to minimize it. I’m aware of how much water I used because I had to shlep it there myself, so I treat it like the scarce resource it is.

The principle of Leave No Trace is one we all need to meditate on and cultivate in our default lives. What does it mean to Leave No Trace on this planet? How can we reduce waste, conserve water, and consciously minimize our footprint? Try these hacks to become more mindful:

• Bless your water: It’s so simple, yet most of us were not raised to bless our water before we drink it. But water is life. We take her for granted because she flows abundantly from our faucets, but in the desert we are reminded to be thankful for her, to be humbled by our utter dependence on her. Don’t take her for granted — get into the habit of thanking her for sustaining you before you sip, and make an effort to conserve her.
• Get a smaller trash bin: When I was living in an eco-village in Nicaragua, we had to deposit our trash into a plastic water bottle — which meant we had to first cut up our trash into tiny pieces so that it would fit into the bottle. It was so tedious that we all became stringent about minimizing our waste. If you reduce the size of your trash bin and challenge yourself not to let it overflow each week, it will help you become more mindful about the products you are using and the trash you are generating.
• Remove public MOOP: Though we are each absolutely responsible for our own trash at Burning Man, we also all pick up MOOP that isn’t ours as a communal effort. Continue this practice in the default world. I bring a trash bag with me on hikes these days so that I can pick up MOOP from the trails. It’s part of showing up in the world the way you want others to show up — like we are all going the extra mile to care for our home planet.
• BYO Kitchenware: You brought your own cup and utensils with you on the playa — now do the same in the default world. Bring your own mug (that you decorated!) to the coffee shop, use your own to-go container when you order take-out, abstain from using disposable cutlery. It’s an easy and effective way to reduce your footprint and to model conscious, sustainable behavior. (Be sure to let onlookers know you’re a Burner to recover our reputation!)

* Sign up for my e-mail list to learn up about my upcoming tarot deck Chasing Wonder: Games for Life & Learning — a collection of prompts designed to spark a more magical & serendipitous rapport with the world