How to FEEL WORTHY - Part 1
Deal with Relentless, Intrusive, Emotionally-Damaging Judgement of those close to you in a Healthy Way— Allowing You to Feel Good Enough In Your Own Eyes — and Feel Worthy of Attracting Success in the Outside World
A long-ish backstory of my life journey thus far:
I grew up in a dysfunctional, toxic environment. To the point, that I was not only expected to always look and act ‘perfect,’ (no matter how I felt on the inside); I was ALSO expected to read the minds and understand the feelings, emotions, and expectations of those ‘sitting across the chair’ from me, and then respond in EXACTLY the way ‘they’ would behave under those conditions.
And whenever I failed to meet these insane expectations, I was emotionally punished, like being subjected to Silent Treatment. If I didn’t behave like they wanted me to, I was told, in no uncertain terms, that I ceased to exist.
In fact, there’s a sizable portion of ‘my former family’ who, to this day, pretend that I don’t exist, for all intents and purposes, behave as if I’m dead, and in general, scapegoat me for everything that goes wrong in their lives. And Yes, I’ve broken off all contact with them. #thingsImgratefulfor
MY CONDITIONING was such that, at any given time, my only job was to do everything humanly possible to get a gold star from everyone or anyone who was in my general vicinity. My locus of control was always placed outside of me. Just slightly out of my reach. Often, in the hands of whoever ‘happened to be sitting in the chair across from me.’
And that’s what I spent the majority of my childhood, young adult, and adult life doing — mindlessly contorting myself to win approval. Win love. Win acceptance.
The unescapable RESULT of such abuse:
Astonishingly, I never succeeded in getting this so-called approval from them. I worked hard at becoming the best I could possibly be, in the hopes of ‘getting my reward,’ of finally being accepted, and being worthy — I would, instead, be shown ALL THAT WAS MISSING FROM MY ACHIEVEMENTS.
Like getting 97% score, instead of 100%. Yes, that has actually happened to me. I was shamed for ONLY GETTING 97 OUT OF 100, on a test. By an adult.
Thus, I would have ‘failed.’ And therefore, not good enough. Not worthy. Of being accepted, validated, or Loved.
So, like an obedient drone, I would go back to the drawing board, working much harder than before, hoping to become worthy of being loved. Only to be informed yet again that I had come up short.
On and on, this vicious cycle continued. For decades.
I know this is all TMI. But, there’s a reason I’m openly sharing my history. I outline the reason, in more detail, in Point #3 in PART 2 of the article!
Then, the inevitable happened:
Lo and behold, there came a day when, I had to choose between following my life’s purpose, a path that would make me happy,
OR
Living my life as per their expectations so they would accept me, include me, and love me. Guess, which path I took? #youguessedright
So, How did I do it? How did I leave behind a lifetime of conditioning, designed to eat away at my worthiness and sense of self?
The short answer is I didn’t. It’s an ongoing battle. One that takes work every day. I expect this challenge to stay with me till the end of my days, in this incarnation. #thecardswearedealt
But I have found a powerful way around it, which has:
Allowed me to tap into MY UNDENIABLE TRUTH- the sad, silent truth that has been permeating all along, under the surface, patiently waiting, to join me on my life’s purpose.
Now, We Come to the Meat of this Article:
The following are the ONGOING STEPS I take daily to silence the External, Stupid, Fear-Based Judgement;
Instead listen to My Inner, Honest, Authentic Truth:
1. ACKNOWLEDGING MY AWESOMENESS:
Say it Loud. Say it Proud. Say it with Conviction. Fake it till you believe it. But say it, often:
I’m worthy. I was born worthy. I’ve always been worthy. I’m good enough to be loved. I’m good enough to be appreciated. I’m good enough to be accepted. I’m good enough to succeed. I’m good enough exactly as I am.
>>>HERE’S THE TRUTH: Not only was getting 97% on the test, a super awesome accomplishment, but I was also THE ONLY ONE IN THE ENTIRE CLASS who got this score. #takethat
NOTE: In the beginning, this will feel incredibly fake, contrived, and not truthful AT ALL. But STAY with it, and I promise you these affirmations will become your external truth.
>>>TO PUSH THIS TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Stand in front of the mirror, and say these affirmations. You’ll see your self-belief skyrocket. #notforthefaintofheart
>>>IF THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU: You can also LISTEN to Self-Worth Affirmations or Subliminals on YouTube. Just type it into the search bar, and pick the one that works for you. Don’t overthink this. Just pick ONE, and get started. This is also a GREAT exercise in starting to build your trust in yourself!
>>>HOW TO DO THIS: It doesn’t matter how long you listen to these affirmations. The key is consistency. I usually play these during my walks, workouts, and sometimes even at night, or during the day while working from home. Really any time. For about 30 minutes (or 10, 15 minutes) it doesn’t matter. Once a day. Either say them out loud, or listen on YouTube. The key is consistency.
You’re re-writing your conditioning, after all! It’s a great act of courage! It’s ballsy. It’s awesome. It’s life-changing. It’s empowering.
>>>Here’s the subliminal I listen to:
PART 2 OF THIS ARTICLE CONTINUED HERE: https://medium.com/@lilyshaw3/how-to-feel-worthy-and-good-enough-part-2-eef01c279f1f
P.S. My intention with this article is to uplift and inspire! Please let me know if you’ve tried any of the steps mentioned here, and if so, have they worked for you? If not, are you willing to give it another go? Leave your comments below!
P.P.S. Apologies for any and all grammatical errors.
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THANK YOU FOR READING!
