How to protect your Emotional Energy to get what you want in life — PART 1
Release toxic people, circumstances, and environments without compromising your core self
A little backstory:
One morning, during the height of the lockdown, I woke up feeling sad for no apparent reason. I was incredibly exhausted and craving something sweet — which resulted in me wolfing down a 2-day-old croissant that I had the audacity to hide at the very back of my fridge. Blaming my behavior on the lockdown, I started going about my day.
Then it hit me. I had a full day ahead. I had auditions to submit, meetings to attend, articles to write, workouts to avoid doing, and Amazon orders to place. There was just no reason for me to be so down.
It got my spidey senses tingling. Why exactly was I feeling this way?
I actively observed my mood and emotions over the next few days. Interestingly, those pesky feelings of disinterest, emotional hunger, misplaced anger, and general tiredness would creep into my day after I would spend significant time conversing with certain people.
I would spend hours on end helping them resolve their seemingly life-threatening issues, but came out of those conversations feeling like I had completely wasted my time, energy, intelligence, and breath. These people were set on doing things their way; seemed more interested in berating others; arguing for their limited vantage points; and attacking me. But they never seemed all that interested in solving the actual issue.
All this would tax me so much that I would either just sleep the day away, or mindlessly binge-watch TV or surf social media. I just had no energy to do anything else. Sometimes, I read a good book.
Only to get caught up in this vicious cycle again. The next day.
Turns out, my emotional and life force energy was literally being drained out of my body — to the point that I had nothing left to give to myself or to my life goals.
These certain people were (either consciously or unconsciously) hijacking and manipulating my energies in order to fulfill their urgent but largely unimportant issues — by either feeding on my kindness, or by guilting me into putting their whims, fancies, and desires — above my own needs.
Preserving my emotional energy for myself — so I could complete my daily tasks and create the life I want — became priority #1 for me.
Implementing the following 3 TIPS has rescued me, and has transformed the way I show up in my life:
- ESTABLISHING FIRM BOUNDARIES: Say NO. Often. Be firm but kind. The hardest lesson I’ve had to learn through this process is this: the so-called whims, fancies, and desires of others never stop. Once you allow yourself to be endlessly available to others, either out of love or obligation, you give away your sovereignty and your autonomy to forces outside of your control. It’s the equivalent of being thirsty and craving water during heat-filled summer days, but being offered ice cream instead. When you’re thirsty, only water will serve your purpose. No matter how organic and yummy the ice cream is. Establishing firm boundaries is fundamental to preserving your life energy.
And it’s also the most DIFFICULT: We are hardwired to please others, to do everything we can to be perceived as good girls (and boys). We are not only expected to put our own interests below those of others, but when we say NO, we are often criticized, shunned, and ostracized for being selfish. As long as we keep saying YES, we are good. The moment we say NO, we are bad.
Which brings me to another IMPORTANT POINT: getting comfortable with being the bad guy. When you say NO to other people, the first thing that happens is that you get attacked. And the attacks get personal. Why? Because it upsets other people’s idea of you. They need you to stay exactly as you are, so they feel safe and protected in their own lives. I know it’s painful, and may even lead to disruption of your life and relationships — but, nothing is more painful than watching your life sail by, only to realize you had the rudder in your hand all along.
SILVER LINING: Saying No to energy-draining demands of others frees up your energy so you can say YES to yourself. When I started doing this, I suddenly found the energy to workout every day(something I’ve struggled with my entire adult life), and it has now progressed to the point that I can even workout first thing in the morning without needing to eat something first. Since I’m filled up on my own life force, I don’t need an external source of energy to get my day going!
BEST PART: When you value your time and energy, you’ll find others will too. The ones who can’t handle the truth (yup) will fall away, and those that remain treat you better, with respect, and with kindness. And above all, it can actually create mutual feelings of love and respect: where you longer dread being in their company, and they know not to frivolously ask you to fulfill their never-ending whims, fancies, and desires.
The rest of the article (which covers the other 2 TIPS) CONTINUES HERE
P.S. My intention is to connect and create a safe space for all those who desire to live a heart-centered life! Please share your TAKEAWAYS about this article below:)
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THANK YOU FOR READING!
