Digital Care Kit for Supporting Grief

9 min readNov 21, 2022

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Grief can be isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s a space that holds tremendous opportunity for connection.

In the course of my work on Speaking Grief, a learning resource that works to create a more grief-aware society, I’ve read dozens of books, listened to many hours of podcasts, watched loads of videos, interviewed dozens of grieving people from across the country, and talked with some of the leading professionals in this field. Because of this, I’ve ended up with a sort of mental rolodex of resources related to grief and grief support. In an effort to, hopefully, spare you some of the mental burden of searching for this stuff, I’ve consolidated some of my favorite content and shared it below. Some of the resources are things I created/helped create while others are tools that I’ve come across in my quest to better understand and support grief.

I’m so sorry if you find yourself needing any of these because it means you’re probably watching someone you care about experience a tremendous amount of pain and that is really hard. There may not be anything I can do to make it easier, but I can at least offer the service of my grief support rolodex. I hope that in this digital care kit you’re able to find some tools that help you feel more confident in your role as a grief supporter.

Books:

It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine — If you only read one book on grief or need a place to begin, this is where I’d start. Although it’s written by a grieving person for grieving people, it offers valuable insight on the reality of grief. It’s honest, real, concise, and practical.
There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell — I must admit, I have not personally read this, but it’s been recommended to people I trust because they are people I know to be caring, authentic humans.

Websites/Articles:

Videos:

How Can I Support Someone Who is Grieving? (4:03) — In the course of making Speaking Grief, I asked grieving people what they would advice they would give about supporting grief. This is what they said.
Say This Instead (1:55) — As with the video above, I asked grieving people what they what they least and most like to hear from their supporters. This is what they said.
What Grieving People Want You To Know — This is a library of short videos in which grieving people share what they want support people to know.
People Who Get It Right (2:53) — A bereaved father describes what support has felt the best to him.
How do You Help a Grieving Friend? (3:59) — In this short video from Refuge in Grief, Megan Devine offers guidance on how to be a supportive friend when life gets hard.
Responding to Anger in Grief (1:47) — If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, be aware that anger is a huge part of grief. This clip is from a Speaking Grief webinar offers some guidance on how to respond to grief-related anger in the workplace. You can also learn more about how anger shows up in grief here.
Speaking Grief (59 minutes) — Speaking Grief validates grief as a normal, healthy part of the human experience and addresses the role that support from friends and family plays in a person’s grief experience, offering guidance on how to show up for people in their darkest moments.
Supporting Neurodivergent Grieving People (webinar) (01:00:38) — In this webinar, experts offer strategies to help grieving people of all abilities.
Supporting Grieving Young Adults (webinar) (01:00:28) — In this webinar, experts share strategies for how to engage and support the young adult population.
Responding to Grief in Service Professions (webinar) (01:18:00) — In this webinar, experts share strategies for how to respond to grieving clients with compassion while still maintaining professional boundaries as well as what to do if your own grief is triggered by a client’s story.
Modern Love (Season 1, Episode 3 from 28:20–31:26) — An episode from an Amazon series might seem like an odd choice to include here, but this clip moved me deeply and I’ve rewatched it many times. The scene (spoiler alert) depicts the main character disclosing her mental illness to a friend; it’s the first time she’s made such a disclosure and her friend’s response is, in my mind, a perfect representation of what authentic connection and support looks like.

Podcasts:

There are many great podcasts out there on grief and mental health and it’s hard to narrow them down, but I pulled some episodes that are particularly relevant for grief supporters:

Trainings:

If you are interested in a more intensive learning experience about supporting grief, there are a number of individuals and organizations who offer trainings ranging from individual to workplace grief support:

Sympathy Gift Ideas:

Em & Friends Cards — These cares don’t contain the platitudes that drive grieving people nuts. As stated on the company website, these cards are for relationships that are “messy and beautiful, tricky and wonderful, and a whole bunch of everything else in between.” One of my favorites is the card that simply says, “There’s no good card for this.”
Heartfelt Condolence Boxes- I received one of these sympathy boxes after my dog died (they make them for people grieving humans, too) and it was the perfect gift ($60)
The AFTER Company candles — This company was founded by a grieving person to, in her words, “be a helping hand for when the flowers die, all the food is eaten, and life moves on without us.”
Kintsugi Pottery — Kintsugi is the ancient Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum to create a beautiful work piece that doesn’t hide what it’s been through. Gifting a piece of Kintsugi pottery can be a nod to the reconstructing a grieving person must do in the aftermath of loss.
Massage Certificate — A lot of our grief experience is stored in our body. Giving someone the gift of a massage can be a great way for them to tap into the physical side of their loss and find some release. Another thing to consider is if the person is grieving a spouse or partner, they are likely missing physical touch. A massage can be a nice way to help them experience touch in a safe, supportive environment.
Warmie — These adorable and cuddly stuffed animals are actually heating pads that you warm in the microwave. They are scented with lavender and weighted to help with anxiety. I was given one of these after my dog died and it brought me a lot of comfort.
Jizo Statue — In Japanese culture, Jizo is a deity who protects the souls of unborn babies and children who have died before their parents. These small statues are often gifted to women who have experienced pregnancy loss.
Custom Handwriting Jewelry — There are lots of great artisans out there who can take a sample of handwriting of the person who died and turn it into a tangible, wearable touchstone for your grieving person.
A Shirt That Puts Grief Out There — Remember when people used to wear black armbands as an external symbol of their internal experience? A lot of grieving people have expressed their desire for something that communicates to the world that they’re in mourning. I’ve never personally bought one of these, but I love this shirt on Etsy because it’s a modern spin on the black armband.

Personally, I’d tread lightly when gifting a book to a grieving person, especially in the immediate aftermath of a loss because grief can do a number on our ability to focus. However, if you want to gift or simply recommend a book to someone, a few of my favorites include:

It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine — If you only read one book on grief or need a place to begin, this is where I’d start. It’s written by a grieving person (who also happens to be a psychotherapist) for grieving people. It’s honest, real, concise, and practical. I’ve gifted it to many a grieving friend.
Your Grief, Your Way: A Year of Practical Guidance and Comfort After Loss by Shelby Forsythia — Like It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Your Grief Your Way is written for the grieving brain, with short sections, easy to digest passages, and practical suggestions. Shelby writes with compassion and wisdom; her words help the reader feel seen and understood. This book is a gift and a comfort and I’ve implemented a number of Shelby’s suggestions in my own life.

Affirmation(s)

I accept that I’m human and I make mistakes.
I forgive myself for not knowing what I know now.
I can simultaneously give myself grace and accountability.

This is one installment of a series of digital “care kits” I’ve created/will be creating. Other/future kits include/will include experiences like grieving, moving/making a big life change, getting divorced and more. Be sure to follow me on Medium so you can be notified when they are published.

Please note: I am not a licensed therapist or medical professional. This piece is intended for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Please consult your physician or other qualified health care provider immediately if you are experiencing any suicidal thoughts. If you are in crisis, help is available through National Suicide Prevention Hotline — you can call 988. More information is available here.