The Motivational Triad
The incredible and complex organ that is our brain has three main psychological functions: to avoid danger, seek pleasure, and save energy. The more primitive parts of our mind developed these three motivations to survive in prehistoric times. The nature of our ancestors’ lives required them to have a primal drive to stay away from danger and seek safety. They needed to get the most out of every pleasure available because enjoyable food and experiences were sporadic. And they had to conserve energy for when it was time to fight or flee.
We can call these basic instincts the Motivational Triad. The thoughts and behaviors that come from our lower brain are driven by these three desires: avoid danger, seek pleasure, and save energy.
The brain attempts to avoid danger by constantly looking out for problems in our lives. This is why humans have a negativity bias, as numerous studies have confirmed. We remember painful feelings and situations more than positive ones, and distressing moments seem larger and more intense than their pleasurable counterparts. The mind wants to home in on what went wrong to help us avoid that danger in the future.
We remember painful feelings and situations more than positive ones, and distressing moments seem larger and more intense than their pleasurable counterparts.
The brain scans for circumstances that we should be bothered about, including if anyone is annoying us, seems to be doing better than we are, or has something we don’t. It believes that focusing on these issues and becoming upset about them will improve our lives. This is why our minds are fixated on comparisons. They need to see if we’re doing okay and what we can do to improve. This evolutionary development helped us progress as a species. Our minds are wired to look for ways we can be better and seek to accomplish more things. This attention can be advantageous, supplying energy and motivation for change. The downside is we often end up feeling inadequate or insecure.
The brain doesn’t know the difference between physical and emotional pain — it thinks both are dangerous and should be avoided. This part of our brain doesn’t comprehend that vulnerability, which can be emotionally scary, fosters close relationships. It doesn’t understand that sometimes mental pain is necessary to achieve our goals. Our personal interactions and accomplishments can be obstructed by this attempted avoidance of unpleasant feelings. Another way our mind tries to protect us is by telling us to avoid conflict. Act how you’re supposed to, do what people ask of you, don’t say no or have your own needs — this will keep you safe. If we act as our primal brain directs, we may avoid danger, but we will assuredly stay stuck, hide our authentic self, and be unable to accomplish what we want to.
The human drive to seek pleasure is never ending, never satiated. Jim Gaffigan did a bit once about how humans are never satisfied. When we get what we think we want, we just want more. He joked about their stay at the Animal Kingdom Lodge at DisneyWorld with his wife and kids. They got to the room and looked out the window to find majestic giraffes, zebras, and impalas. They were in awe and watched them roam the simulated savannah for a long time. Each day when they returned from the parks, they would come to the windows and look out at the animals. But after a few days of this, they got bored. He says their response got to be, “Hmm, another giraffe? I’ve seen that. Do you know what would be cool? A lion. Or how about a lion eating a giraffe?!” This joke perfectly illustrates our innate instinct for more and more enjoyment.
We think that changing our circumstances, such as getting a new job or solving a family problem, will bring us ultimate happiness. But when we achieve those things, the brain finds something else to desire and pine over. It is important to know that our mind is frequently misinformed about what will bring us real happiness. Alterations or improvements in life can be enjoyable, but the positive effect is rarely as dramatic or long term as our brain tells us it will be.
It is important to know that our mind is frequently misinformed about what will bring us real happiness.
In an effort to seek pleasure, our mind instructs us to do things that are fun in the short-term but not beneficial in the long run. Our brain thinks that watching TV, eating, and surfing the internet are the best way to stay safe and happy. These things are fine in moderation, but when the brain’s pleasure-seeking tendency goes on overdrive, we do these things to excess. Sometimes actions that are soothing in the moment are ultimately destructive (anything from biting fingernails to looking at pornography), and the mind focuses only on the comforting part. It wants the pleasure that comes in the short term and disregards the long-term problems.
In an effort to conserve energy, the brain tries to avoid change. Doing the same things we’ve always done in the same way is the easiest path. If a certain behavior brought pleasure before, let’s do that again. Why should we diverge from tried and true? This is partly why it’s difficult to modify our habits or do things a new way. Our mind says it’s better to be sheltered and conserve strength by staying home, shunning adventurous activities, and never leaving our comfort zone. Trying a new solution to a problem takes extra work, and the brain’s efforts to avoid that can keep us in destructive routines. We sometimes behave in a consistent manner over and over even when it doesn’t suit our needs, and we hold on to our thought patterns and beliefs even when they do not serve us.
Avoiding change is one way our mind’s efforts to conserve energy manifest, and another way is fearing big goals. The brain doesn’t know that trying new things brings joy. Mastering a skill or concept can be quite satisfactory, but in the starting out phase, the brain is scared. It thinks we should conserve our energy by doing things the way we have in the past. Our mind thinks that the nervous and uncomfortable feelings that come up when we attempt new endeavors are dangerous.
The motivations to avoid danger, seek pleasure, and conserve energy overlap and work together. They can at times be beneficial, but often our brain relies too much on them. Our mind doesn’t understand modern life and sends unnecessary danger signals. Its attempts to keep us safe and conserve energy prevent us from experiencing all that life has to offer. If we listen to our brain when it is in energy-conserving, danger-avoiding mode, we will not be able to learn or grow. Life will be safe, but completely boring. We know intellectually that difficult times can be catalysts for important change and progress. But when it comes time to get uncomfortable, we give unwarranted authority to the motivational triad of the primitive brain.
Think of your mind like a toddler with a marker. You wouldn’t let a toddler run around the house with a marker in his hand; that’s not likely to end well. Parents know that a toddler need to be supervised. If he grabs a marker and runs away, you corral him and say, “Come over here. Let’s see what you’re going to do.” That’s how we can approach our minds. The thoughts and ideas our brains initially come up with are not TRUTH. They are just that — ideas, offerings, jumping off points.
When our mind runs away with its thoughts, we need to reel it in. We need to supervise the thoughts it comes up with and check to see if they serve us and produce the result we want. It’s not a problem that our brains do this. It’s normal, but we can’t let them go off on their own.
Caryn started a new job at a skilled nursing facility. She had worked for ten years as a nurse assistant in an urgent care center and simultaneously went to night school to become a registered nurse. She was excited about graduating and moving on to a better-paying job with more responsibilities. But after two weeks she was completely overwhelmed. There were so many new things to learn at this job. Not only were the tasks more complicated and had to be done faster, but also the computer system was completely different from what she was used to.
Each day she went to work she felt more beaten down. Her brain proposed thoughts such as, “Why can’t I get this? Why did I leave my old job? It was easy there. I knew what I was doing. My co-workers are more proficient than me and probably think I’m an idiot. I can’t learn fast enough; I’ve always had that problem.” To make matters worse, Caryn’s coworkers liked watching and playing basketball. They had a weekly game and got together to watch games on TV. Caryn hated basketball and presumed she would never fit in with them and they wouldn’t like her.
Can you see Caryn’s motivational triad at work? Her stressful feelings do not come from the actual tasks of her job. The overwhelm and frustration stem from her thoughts. Her brain suggests these ideas in an effort to keep her safe. Her primitive mind thinks her emotions of fear and inadequacy are dangerous. It is motivated to avoid danger and therefore recommends halting whatever is causing the negative feelings and returning to the easier situation. Her mind wants the pleasure of a familiar routine, one where she can believe that she is good at her job. Of course, it says, “Why did we ever leave?!” because it doesn’t understand the satisfaction that can come from learning additional skills and becoming adept at a new job.
Caryn’s brain saves energy by going back to old notions such as “I can’t learn fast enough.” In its twisted way, it wants to sabotage this job and go back to the pleasurable and energy-conserving thoughts it had at the other one. Additionally, her mind tells her it’s dangerous that she doesn’t like the same things as her coworkers. It wants the pleasure of easily fitting in. It doesn’t want to do the work of finding other commonalities besides basketball; it would rather give up.
When we understand the brain’s motivations, its seemingly unhelpful ideas make sense. It is reassuring to see that our mind has a reason for its craziness. Like the toddler with a marker, it doesn’t have bad intentions, but it needs to be supervised. We need to examine each thought and decide if it is useful. If we let our brain run on default, it will cling to its made-up story and scan for evidence that it is right. We can intervene before that happens by filtering through the thoughts it offers and consciously keep some and discard others.
Next time you have a problem, make a list of the thoughts your brain is suggesting and then identify the motivations behind them. Where is your brain attempting to avoid danger, seek pleasure, and conserve energy? Recognize how your mind tries to safeguard you and thank it for its help. Gently tell your brain that you don’t need that kind of protection right now. Decide what you want to think instead and then continuously (but lightly) direct your mind toward those beliefs.
I like to thank my brain for looking out for me but also remind it that everything is okay. I say, “Thanks, brain, for trying to keep me safe. I know you’re scanning for danger, and I appreciate that, but it’s all good here. We’re going to do this new thing, and it’s okay that it’s hard or that we’re not good at it yet. It’s okay to use energy here and be uncomfortable for a minute. This is what I want to be doing.”
I like to thank my brain for looking out for me but also remind it that everything is okay.
We can be thankful for the motivational triad of the primitive mind and how it helped our ancestors. And we can flip it around to construct a new triad that serves us better. When our brain leads us to seek pleasure, we can question that. What if we seek discomfort instead? After all, negative emotions are the price for success in life. Achieving anything difficult requires some pain and discomposure. Instead of escaping emotional “danger,” consider opening up to it, welcoming it in, and riding the wave as it passes through you. We are strongly tempted to avoid pain or at least distract ourselves from it. But what if we allowed it? Negative emotion is not dangerous and is not a problem to be solved. When we let it in as a normal part of life, we can experience it without fear.
Our default mind says that trying new things is not efficient and that we need to do things the same way to conserve energy. But what if we transform that idea into a willingness to put forth extra energy? What if we look for ways to change and grow? We can purposely challenge old ways of doing things, especially old beliefs. Your mind won’t like it though. Expect that your brain will throw up warning signals. Don’t listen to them! We are capable of so much, and these primitive motivations hold us back, keeping us stuck and small. Identify them, examine them, and bust through them. Supervise that toddler brain and create the life you want.
Try this on: “Thanks, brain, for trying to keep me safe. I know you’re looking out for danger, and I appreciate that, but it’s all good here.”
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