This Dr. Pepper *IS* Good for Me, Actually
Y’all like SweetGreen?
Us, too. Chipotle for Salads. Genius.
But I have a Bone to Pick with SweetGreen.
Just let me get a fucking Soda!!!!
I love Dr. Pepper.
I always have. Like, as a kid.
When I toured Waco before committing to Baylor University for my undergraduate education, my family and I toured the Dr. Pepper museum (It’s actually what Waco is best known for).
In 2021, I bought a sweatshirt that says “I’m a Pepper.”
EVEN I will do Free — wait, Reverse Paid — Advertising, that’s how much of a True Believer I am in the Doctor and his 23-flavor mix.
When I eat a salad, which is, in all honesty, kind of tough for me to do, I *love* to pair it with a Dr. Pepper.
This became harder when I moved “Up North” (where “fast-food” salads are much more widely accessible).
Turns out DP is more of a Southern thing.¹
Have you ever heard the joke that [Bisexuals] need three beverages at all times to function?
This was once literally true for me.
Once, in residential Eating Disorder treatment, there were a few weeks (Pink Meal Plan) in which:
If I did not complete my water, milk, and juice within the allotted time, I would lose my privileges.
Not to mention my coffee. So there’s actually a fourth bevvy in the mix. Because what am I, a Stoic?
Of course, I was kind of doing some mental calorie math at the time, but we weren’t allowed to say the word. We called them “nutrients.” It was kind of Orwellian. It mostly struck me as funny.
Anyway, I graduated from That Place with Honors (Level 3!!!).
So I think I know what’s “Good For Me” to pair with my Salad a liiiiiiiiittle better than the Powers That Be at SweetGreen.
My SweetGreen order is a Chicken Kale Ceasar salad with added Chickpeas for protein (kid me called them Garbanzo Beans, because my Father is Italian).
Drinks menu……… let’s see here:
Teas. Seltzers. Sure.
A “vintage” “cola” with “notes of vanilla, cinnamon and caramel” (???) [50 cal]
Kombucha “Health-Ade” [50 cal]
Organic Lemonade [80 cal]
Soooooooo…….
Am I the only one that thinks it’s A Little Off² that SweetGreen won’t Let You break 100 cal on the Drinks menu?
Uhh, let me hit the bodega and I’ll be right back to eat with y’all.
I’ll conclude this blog post the same way I concluded my Last One:
LO$T PROFIT$!!!!
[1] No, not that. The DP you’re thinking of is Worldwide, baby.
[2] I have to credit this phrase to Past Patient A, who taught me it as gentle slang for “you’re doing something eating disordered.”
Examples:
“[Bethany] told me that [Tabitha] is doing crunches in secret before bed. That’s A Little Off.”
“Hey, I just used the bathroom after you and noticed something A Little Off. Do you wanna go talk in the garden?”
“The Staff dressing up as Scary Foods for Halloween is ALL THE WAY OFF”
