Dads I look up to — Daddy Pig
Before we get going with the article, this is a new series and you know what that means. That’s right! It’s everyone’s favourite! A series introduction! Let’s dive in!*
When I write I generally aim to keep things relatively light. My main goals in my writing are that my readers learn a few things, chuckle a couple of times and then go on in their day having had a neutral to slightly positive experience. A lofty ambition to be sure, but one I take at least 60% seriously.
Having said all that, in the interest of keeping things light, let’s just say that I don’t have a particularly strong relationship with the majority of paternal figures in my life. For whatever reason. I might get into it one day. Today is not that day.
So when the little one was percolating in her mummy’s tummy, I realised all of a sudden that I desperately needed to find some good paternal role models. Because one of the things you realise when you hear the magical words ‘I’m pregnant’ from your partner/lover is that you have a choice. You can choose what kind of Dad that you want to be. You can choose how to parent.
It’s a scary choice.
I knew for sure that I wanted to try something different than what I experienced. But… what?
Well like any University graduate, I decided that the answer probably lived in books. I started reading parenting books and websites specifically aimed at Dads. And… *sigh*. One day I might take about this at length but I found the books aimed at new fathers to be broadly patronising.
It felt like mothers got advice like ‘This is exactly what will happen to your body. You will feel these emotions which are normal and if you see these symptoms call someone’. And fathers got ‘Hey duuuuuude! This might seem scary but it’ll be fiiiiine. You can still grab a beer and be a cool Dad. Tubular’. Or something. There may be some paraphrasing but I swear the vibe is spot on. I found the advice given patronising, condescending and almost insultingly basic.
To be clear, I’m not claiming good advice isn’t available for fathers from books. I’m just saying I never found it. Or at least, not until much, much later.
I then decided to ask my male friends about their experiences. Here’s the thing. I am not blessed with many friends (Yay autism!!!) and especially not many male friends (Yay trust issues!!!). So, unfortunately for me none of my close male friends are/were parents at the time. That was a bit of a dead end.
At that point I decided to go with my old standby (I argue this is a pun and if it is I very much intend it): TV.
In her excellent Medium article, ‘Autistic Mirroring, Masking & ‘Unstable Personality’, Jillian Enright effectively describes the autistic tendency to mirror behaviour. I 100% experience this. I have often watched and continue to watch friends, family and media and mirrored their behaviour. Whenever someone got a big laugh, I would try to copy how. Whenever the mood in a room went sour, I would avoid that behaviour (even if I didn’t necessarily know how). And whenever I need to try and do something I’m unfamilar with, I try and copy someone who does it well.
This mirroring tendency means that I can split my life into chapters based on who I thought was cool and mirrored (with incredibly mixed results). My adventures in mirroring have included:
- A year of being a deeply Evangelical Christian (because the Christians I knew seemed to be happier than I was) — Now being a Christian doesn’t have to be cringy. But I sure as hell was.
- The Barney Stinson/Charlie Harper/Jack Donaghy phase — Yep. I know. Needless to say it was exactly as cringy as it sounds. But they were popular and cool and I wanted to be popular and cool. It made sense at the time…
- The Battle Rap phase (the OGs will remember)
- An accent from nowhere — Having moved around the world my accent has become unplaceable because I mirror all of them to an extent.
- This current attempt to flagrantly become PhilosophyTube or H. Bomberguy — To be clear, I still definitely do this. All this writing is inspired by my favourite YouTubers! I admire their creativity, consistency and boldness and I aim to emulate that!
- And so many, many more!**
So you see where this is going. I am someone who has a trememdous capacity to mirror the behaviour I see and admire in the world. And I was (and am) going to use that skill to mirror some of the excellent Dads I see out there in the world.
This series will highlight some of the fathers I choose to mirror as I develop my own parenting style. I’m going to highlight the fathers I look up to and why I look up to them. Then, I’m going to break down why I think they’re great Dads and the lessons I took from them.
Because maybe there are Dads out there who don’t know who to look up to. And those Dads deserve better than ‘just trust your instincts and you’ll be fine’. Honestly, I think we all deserve better than ‘feel the force Luke, you know this to be true’.
So, who’s up first?
It’s Daddy Pig. You know, Peppa Pig’s Dad.
And if I’m being Dadically honest, you could have much worse role models for parenthood than Daddy Pig.
But before we get to Daddy Pig, just a quick but very important aside about gender
Hi folks! Quick inclusivity thing!
Throughout this article (and actually most of my writing on being a parent) I often use gendered words. I talk about Dads, fathers and things like that. This is usually because I am a cisgendered man and that’s my lens of these things. I call myself ‘Dad’***, therefore I see this issue through that lens. I see myself as a Dad and want to be the best Dad I can be.
However, to be clear, by using gendered language I am not claiming to say anything about the roles of parents in themselves. I think people of any and no gender can and do make excellent parents. I think children benefit from love, care, attention and support regardless of the genitals or gender identity of the person offering it.
So, when you read ‘Dad’ or ‘father’, feel free to read in ‘parent’, ‘guardian’ or ‘caregiver’. Because I don’t fundamentally think there’s necessarily a difference in the role, duties or parenting skills between mothers, fathers and other caregivers. I also believe that families can have parents of any gender and number and raise their children brilliantly, whether they be homosexual couples, genderless single parents, polyamorous tribes or traditional couples (or anything other family arrangement). Basically, I believe that every parenting stereotype has so many exceptions to render it functionally meaningless.
So why use the term ‘Dad’? Why not call this series ‘Parent I look up to’?
Interesting question me… Honestly, I’m not sure. The next edition may be titled different but for now I think the reason I stick to the word ‘Dad’ is because Dads have often been seen to be not as involved in parenting. Traditional society prescribed mothers as parents and fathers as workers in most cases. I think we still labour to an extent under these incorrect ideas. And I think that sucks. A lot. And I want to fix it.
That’s why I’m talking about Dads. I was raised in a context where parenting wasn’t something I was ever expected to do. As a dude, I never got any training (informal or otherwise) on the topic of parenthood. Conversely, every AFAB (assigned female at birth) friend I’ve got tells me that this isn’t the case for them. Potentially being a parent is an issue that is foregrounded to them (so I’ve been told).
And for men, as roughly half of all parents, I think that’s a tragedy. Being a Dad is my largest singular source of joy. Yes, even more so than crisps! And I don’t hear many men speak that way. Too often I hear men revert to tired clichés of losses of freedom, balls and chains and the wish to escape. I hope that by sharing these thoughts I can help men see how amazing being a father can truly be.
Plus I have obvious Daddy issues. Did you see the restrained drama in the opening? So much simmering.
In summary, I don’t think being a Dad is anything to do with gender. I don’t want anyone to feel like less of a parent because of how they identify or what they do or don’t have between their legs. My penis does not make me a Dad, even if it made me a biological father.
Equally, and almost contradictory, I think men (especially AMAB men) are undersupported in becoming amazing parents. I could count myself among that number. So, the reason I write with gendered language is to try and speak to an audience that I count myself among, even if what I’m saying doesn’t really have anything to do with gender identity deep down.
Clear? Not at all? Me neither honestly… I’m obviously a bit conflicted on this issue. But that’s part of the fun, right? I’m here to discuss ideas and feelings, not give answers. I want to know what you think! Please, dear reader, feel free to talk to me in the comments or DMs and let me know your thoughts!
Right! Now let’s get to the good stuff.
Dads I look up to — Daddy Pig
If you have a child born after 2004 this person needs no introduction. For those of you with disposable income, free time and your wits end intact allow me to introduce this outstanding Dad.
Who is Daddy Pig?
Daddy ‘Doesn’t Have a Real Name because the show is told from the perspective of a 4 year old’ Pig is often reductively referred to as ‘Peppa Pig’s Dad’. He is father to Peppa and George, and a loving husband to Mummy Pig. He lives in a beautiful house on top of a hill.
But, let me tell you dear reader, this 6'6", 46 year old is so much more than that.
Daddy Pig has a surprisingly large number of strings to his bow for a two dimensional cartoon pig. He is a successful structural engineer. He is an expert in DIY. He is a regular for his local football team. Perhaps most impressively of all, he is an excellent Dad.
So, what makes Daddy Pig such an excellent Dad?
I think at this point I want to be crystal clear. Sure, I’m having a little fun with the article today, but the title is 100% genuine. I genuinely think Daddy Pig has taught me a lot about being a Dad.
Actually, while I’m on the topic, I think people generally underestimate the influence that media have on our lives. We spend so much time with these characters. Certain characters’ patterns of speech burrow their way into our brains. Their ideas and values incept themselves, slowly becoming our own. The little one loves Peppa Pig and, as a result, I’ve spent hours and hours with the Pig family. I honestly feel like I know them. There’s definitely something like a parasocial relationship there.
I think that affords people who create media for children a tremendous amount of power. They have a direct influence on informing the world view of a child. There’s a capacity for genuine influence over parents and their kid.
And some shows could not care less what values they are explicitly or implicitly putting out into the world *cough* Paw patrol *cough*. But some try really hard to put good things into the world. And I personally think that Peppa Pig is one of those shows.
The show takes great care to make sure that the grown-ups in Peppa’s world act in ways that are good for Peppa and the kids. The parents are always kind. The parents are always patient. The parents tend to do the thing that parents should do in a given situation. Daddy Pig tends to do the thing that Dads should do, whilst also having a recognisable inner life and personality.
Which I think is pretty fucking cool.
So, without any further ado. Here’s why I look up to Daddy Pig:
Daddy Pig says yes to fun ideas.
It’s funny sometimes how life can remind you of things you had forgotten. Or things that you used to think were super important but had faded into the background.
I used to say yes to everything I could. I believed that interesting things happen when you say yes. You could argue it was something of a motto of mine. It was a life philosophy I felt was important enough to tattoo onto my ankle. Seriously.
But I think when you have kids, it is really easy to get worried. About anything and everything. And it’s even easier to start saying no. You want to do the right thing. The safe thing. The educational thing. The tidy thing. The thing the parenting book says. The thing you thought of. The best thing.
Daddy Pig always says yes to ideas from the kids (when he can).
The kids want to come to visit his work? They go.
The kids want to dress up in Daddy Pig’s clothes? Let’s do it.
The kids want to take their stabilisers off their bikes? Let’s let them try it.
He’s suddenly a monster? OK, rawwwwwwrrrrr.
The kids want to make a mess? Let’s make a mess.
The kids want him to go down the slide? He goes down the slide.
Daddy Pig’s parenting style reminds me a lot of improv. He is constantly ‘Yes, and…’-ing Peppa and George. Whatever the game, he’s in and he’s participating fully. Not only that, but he makes an active effort to be a part of the game and makes his own contributions.
I can’t tell you how freeing it is to just be able to say ‘yes’ to things with the little one. Instead of worrying whether things are ‘the best use of time’ or ‘the plan’, I can follow Daddy Pig’s lead and just say yes and enjoy the game. It feels really good to say yes as a Dad.
And that’s because he knows the secret. The game itself doesn’t really matter. His kids feelings do. The fun of the game matters. The laughter matters.
I guess you could say that…
Daddy Pig knows what is really important
As I said above, I think it’s really easy to get focussed on the wrong issues as a parent. It definitely is for me. As your life and home become enveloped in toddler-based chaos, it’s easy to get sidetracked by things that feel like they matter but don’t really.
Because here’s the thing, deep down we all know that:
- Mess will get tidied
- Broken things will get fixed or replaced.
- Clothes can be cleaned and mended
- You can be late for stuff
- You can miss events if life admin gets on top of you.
- Noise is just noise.
Daddy Pig gets this.
I think the best example of this comes from a Season One episode ‘Bicycles’. In this episode, Peppa and her friends are racing bikes down a big hill. Peppa, having just taken off her stabilisers, loses control of her bike and crashes directly into Daddy Pig’s prize pumpkin, smashing it to smithereens.
The whole thing goes down like this:
Narrator: Oh, dear. Peppa has squashed Daddy Pig’s pumpkin.
Peppa Pig: Sorry I squashed your pumpkin, Daddy.
Daddy Pig: Never mind the pumpkin. The important thing is that you are okay. In future you really must look where you’re going.
Peppa Pig: I promise I will, Daddy
Daddy Pig: Good. Anyway, now the pumpkin is broken, I can make it into pumpkin pie.
I love what he does here. His response is perfect. He:
- Makes sure that is daughter isn’t hurt. The wellbeing of the person is always the most important thing.
- Immediately lets go of his prize pumpkin. Even though he was just brimming with pride over it. He realises instantly that it just doesn’t matter any more. Only Peppa’s health and wellbeing matter.
- Reassures Peppa’s feelings. He realises that his daughter will be upset and immediately prioritises that.
- Creates a teaching moment. He uses the big emotion/shock of the crash to teach Peppa valuable knowledge. Because she absolutely should be looking where she’s going!
- Turns the negative into a positive. This isn’t a time to be sad about a broken pumpkin. This is a time to start a new adventure! Pumpkin pie! Instead of dwelling in the negative feeling (about something that doesn’t really matter), we turn the whole thing into an opportunity for joy and play.
That’s the kind of Dad I want to be.
Daddy Pig is relentlessly body positive
I genuinely think that Peppa Pig is a good show for kids. It is clear that the creators think really hard about what they are saying and try to be responsible with it.
Buuuut there is one recurring joke in the show that always grates on me: ‘Daddy Pig’s big tummy’. It come up a lot in the show and it always feels off. As a fellow Daddy with a big tummy, I would definitely feel badly about the constant criticism of my weight and physique. Honestly, I think it would get me down.
So how does Daddy Pig react? He shrugs it off. He will say that his tummy is ‘pure muscle’. He’ll then continue to live his life exactly how he wants do. He listens to the feedback. He decides he feels good. He gets on with his life.
WHAT. A. FUCKING. LEGEND!
As a Dad I find it really easy to get down about my increasingly rapid Dadbod-ification. It seems to be totally fine to make fun of Dads as their bodies change. And, as I’m sure we all know, having jokes made about your body rarely feels good.
So it’s nice to have a Dad who takes it in stride.
Daddy Pig isn’t ‘Just a Dad’
There is a pervasive view on parenthood that life stops the moment you cut the surprisingly gristly umbilical cord. The idea seems to be that the moment your child arrives into the world you begin a new phase of life without hobbies, interests or pastimes. And that can be so incredibly scary!
I know it really worried me. I remember having several conversations with the mother of my child hoping to be reassured that the life I currently enjoy would be enhanced by our child, rather than hindered. And I count myself incredibly lucky to have had a partner who very patiently helped me with those insecurities.
But those worries lingered. Until Daddy Pig.
As we’ve seen already, Daddy Pig is clearly an incredible Dad. But he also has so many other things going on in his life. Off the top of my head:
- Daddy Pig plays regularly for the local football team. He even washes the kits!
- Daddy Pig does a fun run that raises money for the school roof
- Daddy Pig holds a World Record for muddy puddle jumping!
- Daddy Pig can play the accordion and the drums
- Daddy Pig (as well as Mummy Pig) loves the theatre
And it’s totally normal! AND his family are totally into it!
I think that’s what really struck me. Daddy Pig having an active social life is just part of family life. The kids are excited about Daddy Pig’s hobbies and there’s plenty of time for them. Life doesn’t at all stop when you become a Dad!
Super inspiring stuff! Turns out you can be a Dad and a person! Who knew!
Daddy Pig is comfortable things doing things he isn’t good at
I hate failing. I hate it so much. I really hate it when I try something and I fluff it. I hate looking stupid. And it stops me trying things. Especially in front of people I love and respect.
You know who doesn’t mind making mistakes? Your friend and mine, Daddy Pig.
For example:
- Daddy Pig cannot read maps well. At all. But he’ll always do his best and try and find his and his family’s way.
- Daddy Pig believes pancakes should be flipped super high. When he tries to flip his pancake it sticks to the ceiling. It does not slow him down whatsoever.
- Daddy Pig calls himself a DIY expert. When hanging a picture he manages to create a giant hole in the wall.
But does that stop him trying? No.
Do his family think any less of him for his blindspots? No.
Does he take the gentle ribbing he earns well. Absolutely.
Daddy Pig knows that the important thing is to try. He knows that it doesn’t matter if you try things and fail. What matters is that you try for your family, friends and community and that you’re good natured in failure.
Which is pretty gosh-darn inspirational.
Daddy Pig has emotions
So, I rarely mention this, and this is a super fucking vulnerable moment for me, but I’m pretty autistic. And as a result, I worry a lot about how I come across and what emotions I’m portraying.
And I think, if emotions aren’t your first language, you can get some weird ideas. I honestly had the impression that you had to swallow your emotions as a parent. That whatever happens you have to be unflappable. Not cold, just always calm. You can’t be angry or sad or whatever. Or at least, you can’t (or shouldn’t) have visible emotions in front of the kids.
Daddy Pig showed me that you absolutely can have emotions and be an excellent Dad.
Because Daddy Pig has a lot of emotions. He gets really grumpy when he loses his glasses. He feels embarrassed when his poor mapping reading skills get the family lost (again!). Daddy Pig is really quite afraid of heights. And he had big feelings about all of that.
Do his family judge him? Of course not. They love him because of who he is not what he does for them.
I honestly can’t tell you how inspiring it was to see a grumpy Dad on TV who isn’t an asshole. Because I get grumpy too. A lot. And I thought I always needed to hide it. Which can be tough when you lose your glasses.
Daddy Pig showed me that Dads can have all kinds of feelings and not be an asshole. Which I really needed to hear this year.
Daddy Pig is often low energy
Potentially my biggest parental insecurity or worry relates to my chronic pain.****
I have had a consistent worsening headache since December 2016. Doctors think it’s something called hemicrania continua. Basically, come rain or shine, I have a headache on the left side of my head. In addition, several times a day I get spikes of pain called ‘ice pick pains’. It is *suddenly remembers he said he’d keep it light in the intro* really something. Very interesting indeed.
Anyway, for our purposes, it means that I have lost a step energy-wise. I can’t always run around or play when I want to. I don’t always have reserves I can call on when I want them.
I think when you’re the auxiliary parent (i.e. not living with your child) there’s a temptation to think that all your parenting time needs to be exciting and ‘all-action’. You’ve got to really make the most of that quality time. And when I can’t do that, it is really tempting to get down on myself.
But, once again, Daddy Pig shows me the way.
At the beginning of basically every episode Daddy Pig is doing the exact same thing. He’s reading the newspaper in front of the TV. He’s relaxing. Fuck, sometimes he even continues to read his newspaper while the kids play.
And that’s not because he’s ignoring his children. He’s just choosing his moments. He turns up when he’s called. He turns up when he’s needed. He turns up for the fun bits. But the rest of the time, he conserves his energy. He is often resting or relaxing. And that’s totally fine.
It’s nice to see. Especially when you can’t always be as high energy as you want to be.
In Conclusion
Like I said at the top of this article, I wasn’t joking.
It sounds a bit weird (and highly embarrassing) to say out loud but I genuinely think that I’ve become a better Dad by watching Peppa Pig.
Since Peppa Pig took over both of the little one’s houses there have been quantifiable differences in how I act as a parent:
- I say yes more.
- I cut myself more slack
- I’ve got better parental priorities
- I’ve become more accepting of my body
- I love myself more
And a lot more besides.
Which I have to tell you is a huge shock to me. I did not expect a show about cartoon pigs to have such a profound effect on how I parent. Or any role at in guiding what kind of parent I’m trying to be. But, as you’ve read, it absolutely did.
That’s why Daddy Pig is officially the first ‘Dad I look up to’.
Next time on ‘Dads I look up to’ is my favourite detective, Jake Peralta. Feel free to subscribe so you don’t miss it.
Until next time, lovelies. Have an incredible day.
I never do this but this article has a post credits scene. Or a post ending extra bit.
While researching this article (Yes. I even research the Daddy Pig article) something I desperately wanted to mention was Daddy Pig’s inexplicable on the Heroes Wiki. Here are my some of my favourite lines (spelling and grammar errors intact):
- “Daddy Pig is a 14 foot pig (Possibly)”
- “If in real life he would be the strongest, fattest, tallest pig. It would also be quite terrifying if I say so myself”
But we really get cooking in the Skills section
- “Strength: As a construction worker he has to be maybe a little bit of strong”
- “Low Stamina: He gets very tired after running as seen in many, many episodes.”
- “Superhuman characteristics: He is seen to be the same durability as a wall, and can fall like a wall.”
- “Lacks Fighting Skills: I have nothing to say about this he is super horrible at fighting.”
This is perfect analysis. I aspire to be this erudite and descriptive. No notes whatsoever.
Having said that, I have literally no idea what version of the show this person is watching.
Thanks so much for reading this article (and post article bonus feature!). I love writing and it’s such a great gift to be able to share them with so many of you.
As always, feel free to subscribe if you had a good time reading. It makes a huge difference to me and will actively help me turn writing into something I could do for work.
I’d love it if you left a like on the article! That helps other folks see it. You know what else helps people see it? Sharing it! Feel free to share this with anyone you think might enjoy it!
Plus, feel free to comment. I love chatting to folks in the comments. Let me know who your parenting hero is right now. Or, tell me your hottest Peppa Pig take! I’m sure there’s some spicy opinions out there from the parents!
Thanks again for reading. Have an amazing day!
* Look, I know better than anyone that my intros are occasionally out of control. It’s lots of words to read. But I personally believe that information is only useful given enough context. That communicating ideas requires taking the time to explain how they were born and the context they make sense in. That’s why I do it. But yeah, it can be a lot of words. I guess, as the youths use to say, ‘sorry not sorry’.
** If you want to hear more about mirroring or any of these mirroring phases you know what to do! Let me know in the comments below!
*** To my little one. You can call me Matt. Matthew if I’m in trouble. I don’t love being called Matty. Just FYI.
