“Everyone who is human has something to express. Try not expressing yourself for twenty-four hours and see what happens. You will nearly burst. You will want to write a long letter, or draw a picture, or sing, or make a dress or a garden.” ~ Brenda Ueland
There are certain movies I watch each year during the holiday season. One of my favorites is Love Actually, especially the opening and closing scenes of all the people hugging each other at the Heathrow airport arrival gate. Hugh Grant’s character in the voiceover says, “It seems to me that love is everywhere.” Well, it turns out that footage was shot on location with hidden cameras, and those were real people, not actors. In fact, writer/director Richard Curtis said he got the idea for the screenplay when he saw the unabashed love expressed at the arrival gate at LAX.
As young children, most of us were allowed to express ourselves openly without restraint or reprisal. If we were sad, we cried mournfully; if we were happy, we laughed exuberantly. But in some cultures, like the one I grew up in, any overt display of emotion was frowned upon. As we grew older, we heard admonitions such as, “You’re too old to cry!” or “Settle down and act your age!” It was as if there were a time limit on self expression.
Instead of expressing our feelings, we learned to suppress them. We were taught that our feelings should be kept to ourselves because they weren’t anyone’s business but our own. But, if you can’t freely express your emotions, you will be unable to display your individuality and character. You may not even recognize your own true self.
It wasn’t until I took a course in self-actualization in my late thirties that I began to tune into my true feelings, which allowed me to express myself honestly and fully. Suddenly the emotions I had been stuffing were legitimized, and I could begin to learn how to communicate my feelings in ways that do not damage myself or others.
I still struggle with appropriate expression because I don’t always take the time to examine my true feelings. For example, I often express my displeasure with my husband when I have to show him once again how to do something I’ve explained multiple times before. If I stop to think about it, I realize I’m not actually angry that he’s asking me again or that he didn’t listen to me the first time. What I’m really upset about is his stubborn refusal to get a hearing aid despite having been granted a VA disability for hearing loss. That’s what I should be communicating to him so we can discuss the situation calmly and productively.
Sometimes we may be afraid to reveal our inner self because we’re afraid we’ll be judged and condemned. This seems to be common among those of us who grew up in a strict family where we received more criticism than encouragement. If you lack self confidence, you may mask your authentic personality because you want people to like you. You’re projecting who you think you should be or who you wish you were rather than who you are.
The next time you get a headache or stomach pain, before you pop a pain pill, pause and get in touch with your inner self. Are there emotions you’ve been unable to express for one reason or another? Has someone misunderstood your intentions or denigrated your position on an important matter? Are you struggling to find a form of self-expression that suits your personality?
When I was preparing to teach a class Journaling to Heal, I consulted the book Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions written by James W. Pennebaker, a psychologist from the University of Texas. Back in the early ’80s, Dr. Pennebaker conducted studies that revealed the mental and physical health risks of not expressing ourselves when we experience a stressful life event such as the death or suicide of a loved one, divorce or marital infidelity, or any other painful or traumatic experience. The conditions this inhibition may cause include depression, anxiety, insomnia, ulcers, high blood pressure, and migraine headaches.
We learned about the benefits of talk therapy from Freud and other 19th century physicians, but there are other ways to express your thoughts, emotions, and individuality. These include:
- Journaling
- Writing letters
- Meditation
- Creative writing
- Painting or drawing
- Photography
- Fiber arts
- Gardening
- Singing
- Dancing
- Playing music
- Performing
It’s clear that the process of expressing ourselves will make us healthier, happier, and more productive. What method of self-expression will you choose?
NOTE: This is the year I celebrate (?) seven decades residing on this planet. My journey so far has taught me many life lessons, so I decided to share some of them with you. I’ll be posting one each day from Thanksgiving to Christmas.
Yesterday: Expand Your Worldview
Tomorrow: Learn From Failure
