The Future of Media: 2017’s Hot Trends
Well folks, the new year is just around the corner, so what better time to predict the latest and greatest “tech crazes” that are sure to sweep the nation in 2017?
Laser disk — Imagine a format so powerful it could store all your favorite Griphs and .mp2 files. Impossible? Not with laser disk. Harnessing the ungodly powers of the laser on a 12 inch round metal circle, laser disk will revolutionize the way we transport data in the coming year. As the saying goes, “Clouds are for imagining pictures, not storing them.”
Racism — Already making a huge comeback in 2016, I predict even bigger things for racism in the months to follow. You heard it here first.
Arby’s (Sponsored) — “Mama Mia!” That’s the sound you’ll be making mere seconds after you bite into the new Arby’s Signature Italian Scorched Meats Triple Decker with Cheense™. Packed with the roast beef Arby’s is known for, the Italian capicola and meatballs they most certainly are not, and the pasteurized dairy-like product Cheense™, this is one dollar menu item worth the whole damn George Washington and then some! “When you just gotta have meal, think Arby’s!”
Digital media optimization — If the current market forces hold, all of our terabytes and gigabits will converge on the nanosphere sometime around March 18th. And buster, you can take that to the bank. The e-bank, that is.
Electronic banking — Also known as “e-banking”, the conversion of money from sweet, sweet cash to blips and bloops on the information superhighway will continue unabated in 2017. Ah! But we gurus know that e-banking, while tempting, is no substitute for that tried and true wealth security method: putting all your money in a big bag with a $ written on the side.
Child labor — Children are our future, and increasingly, our present. Why not embrace this event horizon and hire some children at your factory? Let’s face it, the millennial generation is almost completely worthless. What are they good for, besides satirical articles and self-referential jokes on Medium.com? Nothing. But it’s not too late to tap into that innocent, cherub-like Generation Z, whose ever-plumping body types belie a strong work ethic and a gnawing sense that the world they inherited is completely fucked, so hey, let’s all make some money before we die. Amen, sister.
Well, that’s it. Those are the only six trends that will happen this year.
