Three Life-Changing Lessons I Learned by Age 28
Lesson #3 is my all-time favorite.
On May 14, 2023, I turned 28 years old. I started life with a lot of hope for the future, full of big dreams and sometimes naive optimism. Life was simple back then.
Then I grew older and um, let’s just say life is a fucking bitch. Hell, I briefly contemplated suicide once.
At 28, I’ve made a lot of improvements in my life. Well, I haven’t yet fulfilled my dreams, but I’m steadily making progress to get there. And I’m loving every step of this hard but wonderful journey.
I attribute all these positive changes in my life to the lessons I learned over the years. As someone who used to drown in an excruciating number of bad habits, I knew my future was bleak unless I changed for the better. I would end up empty and miserable if I didn’t take my life into my own hands and turn things around.
It took me a long time to do anything about it, but it’s better late than never, I guess. All I can do is keep learning and growing.
Here are three major life lessons I’ve learned so far.
Lesson #1: You are responsible for your life
Unfortunately, it took me 27 years to finally understand this.
You see, I’m a very laid-back person. That’s not a bad thing at all, except that there’s a dark side to it. Being agreeable about everything in life also made me an incredibly passive person. Passive in my own life. That’s not to say that laid-back people are passive. But that was just how I was at the time.
Growing up, and even well into my early twenties, I let people decide everything for me. I left important life choices into the hands of other people, expecting them to make the right decision for me.
My life was mine to live, but I didn’t know that yet. So I lived for people instead. This explained why I was stuck in a toxic work environment for five years.
Ironically, getting tired of all that toxic shit was the impetus I needed to take my life into my own hands without fear. Okay, there was a lot of fear. But it didn’t stop me for a second.
Once I understood that the onus was on me to choose what was best for me, it unlocked a whole new world.
The choices you make impact your life, either directly or indirectly.
Every decision you’ve ever made led you to this very moment. Hell, not making a choice is also a choice, and that will inevitably affect you positively or negatively.
You are the master of your life. Not your mother, father, spouse, children, boss, friends, or anyone. You alone. So why relinquish such a massive responsibility to someone else? Take responsibility for your own life.
Of course, some things are beyond your control. Life happens. Usually, it’s not fair. However, how you react to it is totally within your control. You can choose to always complain about the unfairness of life, which was what I used to do. That solves nothing. It only makes you even more miserable. Or you can adapt and come up with unique solutions to solve your problems. The choice is yours. It’s your life after all.
No one will work on your dreams for you. No one. Hell, no one will even believe in you unless you believe in yourself first.
This was the brutal truth that got me to chase my dream of becoming a full-time writer. Once upon a time, I couldn’t even finish a single book. Today, I’ve written four books, three of which are novels. And I’m even working on a fourth one.
None of that would have happened if I hadn’t taken the reins of my life, guiding it wherever I saw fit.
So I ask you today, are you the master of your own life? If not, what are you waiting for?
Do you want to be healthier? Start exercising or eating right.
Do you want to be a writer? Start writing.
Do you want to be more confident? Start taking risks and getting out of your comfort zone.
Start now, my friend.
Live your life like it’s actually yours. Learn new skills, make good friends, fall in love, get married, don’t get married, have kids, be child-free… do whatever the fuck you want.
It’s your life, my friend. Be responsible for it.
Lesson #2: Be selfish as fuck
I know, I know. It sounds utterly insane.
“What a sad, mean-spirited fucker you are,” you’re probably thinking. I get it. But hear me out, okay?
I was a very generous person who wouldn’t think twice about helping people. Well, I’m still this way. But there’s a twist — I’m no longer unconditionally selfless. Nope. People don’t deserve that shit.
I helped people wholeheartedly without caring about whether it was good for me or not. As long as it was good for the other person, that was all that mattered. My time, energy, money, they can have it all. If I have it and they need it, I’ll give it to them, even if I’ll suffer for it in the long run.
I was selfless, yes. But this kind of selflessness was toxic as fuck.
It’s not something you should ever strive for because it will make you very unhappy in life. No, it’s not selflessness in itself that’s bad, but rather, selflessness at the expense of your mental health. That’s what makes it so dangerous.
It took me a long time to escape from this labyrinth of lunacy. But eventually, I did find selfishness, and let me tell you, life couldn’t have been better.
While I can’t stop being generous, because it goes against my very nature, I’m more prudent about it these days.
I don’t give my time to those who don’t deserve it. Don’t try to manipulate me to get something from me. I’ll see through your bullshit and door-slam the fuck out of you.
I got furious at my old boss for this very reason, so I quit my job. I was always at his beck and call, running errands for him when I could be doing something else with my time. He started taking me for granted, which makes a lot of sense, to be honest. When you’re too available for people, they start thinking that you’re the one who needs them, and not the other way round. So they treat you like shit.
Yeah, well, I had enough of that fuckery. When I finally came to my senses, I vowed never to waste my time with undeserving people. Never again.
If some rando asks for my help, and my instincts go against it, I won’t do it. And no, I won’t feel guilty about it for a second.
For my loved ones, however, I’ll move heaven and earth for them. I don’t care. They are the people I’m unconditionally selfless toward. Actually, scratch that. My loyalty toward my loved ones has one condition — they must never take me for granted. If not, they just might learn what a selfish prick I can be.
Now, I’m not saying you should be a terrible person. No. But I’m saying that you should also look out for yourself. Society wants you to feel guilty about setting boundaries for yourself, or god forbid, loving yourself first.
Ignore that shit. Be kind to people, yes, but be kind to yourself too. Don’t give your time and money to people who don’t deserve it.
Be selfish as fuck if it brings you peace of mind.
Lesson #3: Stop caring about people’s opinions
This is by far the best life lesson I’ve learned. So powerful was this lesson that it paved the way for seizing control of my life and never feeling guilty about the choices that were in my best interest.
The moment I stopped giving a fuck was the day I learned what it meant to be truly free. I’m never going back, ever.
I used to be a very sensitive person. I cared so much about what people thought of me that I was afraid to do anything that would offend anyone or make them dislike me.
To give an example of how stupidly serious this shit was, I used to avoid raising my hand in class when I knew the answer to a question. Why? Because I was afraid my colleagues would think I was a know-it-all. It already didn’t help that my teachers called on me when no one else knew the answer.
I thought my colleagues didn’t like me because they thought I thought I was better than them. If your head hurts reading that, that’s how utterly confused I was too. I was projecting so hard it blew my own mind. All because I cared too much about people’s opinions.
Maybe it was because I had a fragile ego. That probably explained why I was so afraid of failing at anything. Why? Because I feared people would laugh at me.
I remember when I joined the football (soccer) team as a freshman in university and made some new friends. Two of these friends also played basketball and they invited me to the court to play with them.
They were having so much fun, and some of them were not even taking it seriously at all. But what about me? Was I having fun too? Absolutely not. I refused to play and simply stood by the sidelines, paralyzed by the mere thought of playing basketball.
I should be having fun, but I was fucking terrified. I had tried playing basketball during PE class in high school and I sucked at it. So yeah, I was afraid of making a fool out of myself in front of everyone if I dared to play with my new friends.
God, I was so insecure back then. Thinking about it now makes me cringe in disgust. What the fuck was wrong with me? Jeez.
This basketball experience was a perfect summary of what my life was like back then. I was so desperate for other people’s approval that I dare not crawl out of my shell. It even seeped into my creativity as a writer. Because I cared too much about what people thought, I censored myself when I wrote.
There were stories I wanted to tell, but I was afraid of telling them because people wouldn’t approve.
It was no way to live, and I hated every bit of it.
So yes, I changed for the better. With the help of books and a lot of willpower, I eventually run out of fucks. It wasn’t that easy though, trust me. But it was worth it.
Today, I only care about one thing — my mental health.
My mental health is directly affected by three things:
1. the well-being of my family
2. being able to write (having the time and health to do so)
3. being financially stable enough to do whatever the fuck I want
I have no business giving a shit about anything that doesn’t relate to these three things. Anything that negatively impacts my mental health has to go. Point blank period. I don’t have time for that.
People can say all they want about me. I don’t care. Ultimately, the only person’s opinion of me that matters is my opinion, and sometimes, that of my loved ones.
I used to have anger issues because I cared so much about what people thought of me. I took everything personally. Now, you’ll have to do something very serious to make me angry. Yes, I find a lot of things annoying. But it’s still not enough to illicit a reaction out of me.
I mind my business, and my business is to become a full-time writer and a philanthropist someday. Anything that isn’t going to get me there is a waste of my time.
Why worry about what people think of you? Does it pay your bills? No? Then forget those fuckers. As long as you’re not hurting anyone or the environment, do whatever the fuck you want.
People will talk, yes. But that’s all they can ever do, and you shouldn’t give a shit.
Final thoughts
While I haven’t yet reached where I want to be in life, I’m proud of where I am currently. I still keep on going and I have no intention of stopping. These lessons have done well to shape me and bring me to my current position.
As I get older, I’ll learn even more lessons in life and become a better version of myself.
This is what life is about. We’re all on a lifelong journey of growth.
Every choice you make or don’t make determines what road you travel on this journey. So do what’s best for you.
You don’t want to reach a stage in your life where you regret everything you never did all because you cared so much about what people thought of you.
Be the protagonist of your own story.
Know what you want and go get it. As I said, so long as you’re not hurting anyone or the environment, do whatever the fuck you want.
Live your life to the fullest.
Do you love urban fantasy or paranormal stories? Then you’ll love my novel, Awakening, Book 1 of the Vanquisher Series.
Want to support my work as a writer? Buy me a coffee.
