Getting Started #3: Acknowledging Emotions to Be Productive
Creating a foundation for action plan
Starting something afresh can feel like staring into a blank canvas. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions — excitement, nervousness, maybe even fear. When we try to ignore or suppress our emotions, they tend to linger in the back of our minds. Not only do they linger, but they often tend to distract us, sap our energy, and make it difficult to focus on the task at hand. But when we acknowledge them, something remarkable happens. They lose their power over us. Here is how to get there.
When I say accept the emotions you feel, it doesn’t mean dwelling on them. It means, you come to the realization of what you truly feel currently about yourself. In fact you dwell on them the more you push you feelings away. They then have the power to control you, which then come out in the form of tantrums, anger, frustration and sadness.
“Something isn’t right…I’m not okay…I’m really not okay”
Acknowledging means recognizing them for what they are. Let me explain with an example from my life. When I decided to start a family, I consciously made a decision to leave full time work. I pondered about my thought for several months before making the move. The rationale was simple. I had been working from the age of 18, even while I was pursuing my Bachelors. Switched countries after marriage and took up a new job with new set of skill sets to learn. I was also enrolled in a distant education MBA program while I worked in my new profile (which was Sales on a larger scale). I also underwent radioactive therapy for hyperthyroid around the same time. The treatment went well and was now in hypothyroid state. It had been 2 years since then. My biological clock was ticking. Knowing what stress levels from my full time job ( or everything together) could do to my thyroid situation, I did not want to risk feeling over packed while being pregnant. I just wanted to cherish my motherhood and keep me and the baby healthy. Fast forward to post delivery. I had terrible mood swings. It took me years to realize it could have been post partum. I was feeling completely overwhelmed even while I stayed with my parents for 6 months. I returned back to my family with no domestic help and no personal funds. There were financial difficulties in the family. It was chaotic. For the next 6 months I was a wreck.
Then one day, I just sat up. Totally blank. I said to myself “Something isn’t right…I’m not okay…I’m really not okay”. I remember feeling a gush of fear, insecurity and confusion. That is the moment everything changed. I was quiet the whole day processing my thoughts as I was mechanically doing my chores. I was having a silent dialogue with myself identifying all the feelings I was experiencing. I just acknowledged it.
Imagine a scenario in which two people are arguing with each other. Every time one person makes a statement, the other repels it and counters it with an opposite remark. The more this exchange of verbal squabble continues, the drama and tension increases. Now imagine another scenario. The same two people have different opinions on the same situation. The first person charges with a ballistic choice of words. In return, the second person pauses for a moment and says “ok”.
[Silence]
Second person says, “I’m sorry you feel this way. I am ready to sit down and patiently listen to you, whenever you are calm and feel comfortable talking about it — in a way I can comprehend to”.
BINGO!
Suddenly, the whole mood changes. This is what I mean by acknowledging your emotions and your chaotic mind. Now re-imagine both the scenarios again. This time, the first person being your ‘mind’ and the second person ‘you’. The more you go against a strong force, there is tension and resistance. However, the moment you accept a situation there is realization. This realization is what will lay the foundation of your action plan moving forward. You will search for patterns and strategies to find the root cause of your emotions — good or bad — and manage it accordingly.
A special note on extremely negative emotions based on my journey. It could be really overwhelming and painful. It might be helpful if you could take the help of a very close friend or family. Discuss with them on wanting to take a break from everything for a day or two, or even a week if needed. See the feasibility for them coming over to help you emotionally. If approaching your own immediate family for sometime is practical, please consider doing so. One pre-condition to the journey of acknowledging your emotions is feeling safe. I felt this was very important to me. I had to make sure I was not in any toxic space, felt completely safe to be vulnerable and process my emotions.
Reflection from my journey :
Ever since I took that first leap towards acknowledging my mental space I propelled my career, personal and financial growth. In the coming articles, I will be sharing the next steps I took and strategies I implemented to unscramble my mind to productivity. For now allow me to help you with a simple exercise.
In my previous article — Getting Started #2 : The importance of writing down your mind, thoughts and tasks, I urged you to ask some questions. Today in this article I am going to guide you to approach two of those questions to get started.
Exercise:
1. Find a suitable space or place that will give you a lone time. If you have care giving responsibilities of children or the elderly, have a close friend or family member assist you through penning it down.
2. Pull out a journal or a blank notebook ( physical or digital ).
3. Reflect on how today was for you. Ask yourself — ‘What do (did) I feel today’. Your first response might be the dominant emotion you felt today as a whole. From there, go through each hour or tasks of the day and reflect on ‘what’ you felt. Use as many descriptors as needed. I mentioned in my previous two articles to be completely blunt about it. No ifs and buts.
4. Now for each of the ‘what’s for the hour or tasks, ask ‘why’ you felt that way. What we are trying to achieve is the root cause of that problem or achievement.
5. Note down todays’ date at the top and save the note.
6. Repeat this exercise for 1 full week.
As we progress into my articles further in this series we shall uncover patterns and sources that give us a visual interpretation of the self. Wish you all a healthy and happy week ahead!
Disclaimer : I am not a therapist or a professional counsellor. I share here insights and practical guidelines based on my experiences of untangling my life towards being productive. This laid my foundation towards gaining new skillsets and receive opportunities. I have been able to help a few of my friends through these small exercises. I humbly advise you to seek professional help if you feel your mental health is compromised.
My aim is to help people especially women returning from a career break to learn and implement new skills, certifications and strategies towards a productive and happy life. I really appreciate that you have read so far. Your feedback would mean the world to me knowing that I made a small contribution to someone through my writing. Please leave the comment ‘Reflected’ for this article if you have done the exercise. I would also like to know if you have any other strategies or feedback, so that I could share (with due credit ) to help more readers. Cheers!
Articles in this series:
