But, I’m so lonely.
“Women have minds and they have souls as well as just hearts. They’ve got ambition and they’ve got talent as well as just beauty. I am so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I’m so sick of it! But — I am so lonely.”
Jo March, Little Women (2019)
In Little Women, Jo March is an aspiring writer with little interest in companionship. After moving to New York to pursue her career, Jo is forced to face the expectations set for a woman in the 19th century. Unsurprisingly, Jo doesn’t believe that a woman is only fit for marriage and she wants nothing to do with it. With her belief in liberation comes extreme loneliness and indifference, leading her to deliver the wonderful line I used to open this blog.
I was raised by an independent woman, everything that Jo March wished she was (purr). Like many children tend to do, I mirrored my mother’s mannerisms. My preference for my own company over spending time with other people is a trait I inherited from my mum. My need to get everything done on my own and never ask for help unless it’s necessary, you guessed it, is a trait I learned from my mum. I do almost everything on my own and I’m extremely proud of the self-sustenance I have developed. But, I’m so lonely.
My second blog, and one of my most popular pieces to date, is titled “How to be alone”. The blog tackles the difficulties that come with the “fear of missing out” and how to enjoy spending time by yourself. Though I still stand by this, I would be lying to myself (and all of you) if I didn’t address the elephant in the room. Loneliness.
Hyper-independence is my drug and it is highly addictive. It becomes part of you, embeds itself into your identity and, most times, controls your decisions. It makes you believe that if you are asking for assistance, you have failed and if you have failed you must pick yourself up because no one else will. You become terrified to lose your independence because, what else do you have? It reaches a point where you don’t even realize you’ve become the toxic kind of independent and now, being alone is just your personality.
(Wow, talk about self-reflection. Anyway.)
The romanticization of the self-employed girl boss has sky-rocketed and it’s the most opportune time to be an independent woman. It doesn’t help that the memory of our work-from-home culture is still fresh in our minds and individuality is applauded now more than ever. Not only women, people in general value teamwork much less. We feel as though our value is measured by how much we can achieve on our own.
Self-made
Self-employed
Self-help
etc.
Take for example one of my favourite characters in TV history, Princess Carolyn from the adult animation Bojack Horseman. Princess Carolyn works endlessly to balance her life and career but, eventually, sees her work taking top priority. Although she is inadvertently independent, P.C knows that this is not of her own choice. Deep down, she wants companionship but fears that it would undermine her independence and career.
At her wedding, she has a conversation with Bojack where she states,
“Well, I guess I’m afraid of losing some part of myself. I’m afraid that if I let someone else take care of me, that I’m not really me anymore. I’m afraid of getting too comfortable, you know, going soft. I’m afraid that this could be the best thing that ever happened to me, and if it doesn’t make me as happy as it’s supposed to be, that means I’m a lost cause.”
I know so many people who share P.C’s sentiment. The fear of intimacy and the subsequent need to take care of yourself. As though any compromise to your independence is a show of weakness. Don’t get me wrong, girl boss your way through life because that is what it takes. But, once in a while, call a friend and ask them how they’re doing. Confide in someone. Allow yourself to be taken care of. Allow yourself companionship because what is the point of life if you have no one to share it with?
I’ve been writing and re-writing this piece for three weeks now. I’m struggling to write at the moment but I feel like it was time to let this one go. Tell me your opinion on the topic and leave some claps if you liked the piece. Thank you for reading ❤
