Fourth Pillar of Emotional Intelligence: Relationship Management

By Jennifer Askey, Advisor, Leadership Development, Human Resources, Health, Safety and Environment & Adjunct Faculty, Modern Languages & Cultural Studies, University of Alberta

This is the final blog post in a series about accessing and developing your emotional intelligence (EQ) in order to increase your personal effectiveness and your professional success. The first three posts looked at self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness. The final pillar of EQ is relationship management.

Relationship management is a critical component of work within institutions. Whether we examine the professor-student relationship or the peer relationship between colleagues, good interpersonal skills and social intelligence helps us generate positive results. Relationship management involves using the empathy and organizational awareness discussed under social awareness. Good relationship management skills show up as collegiality, leadership ability, influence, conflict management, negotiation, teamwork and change leadership.

In this short blog post, Leadership and Professional Development will highlight the EQ competencies of developing others and being a catalyst for change. While each of the components of relationship management is fascinating and important in its own right, these two elements offer us opportunities for engagement in the rapidly changing environment of post-secondary education.

Developing others

Developing others is an emotionally intelligent skill that involves not only positive, constructive feedback and answers that help others grow and learn, but also cultivating reciprocal relationships with substance and quality. So, it is not entirely a one-way street in which a person with more seniority or authority mentors a more junior person. Rather, it involves each of us cultivating the curiosity to ask questions and become involved with others and their agendas and, at the same time, cultivating the vulnerability to be open about our own interests and priorities.

Supervisors of faculty, staff, and students, of course, are in a prime position to exercise their ability to develop others. A supervisor who has strengths in this area understands the development of her faculty members, supervisees, or direct reports as an essential part of her role. If you would like to work on growing your ability to develop others, there are some simple strategies to start with:

Cultivate curiosity

When you are in conversation with someone, don’t multitask and don’t merely wait for an opening to shift the conversation to your own experience. Rather, learn to respond with questions that begin with “what, where or who.” As in: “What does that mean for you?” or “What will that look/feel like when it is done?” or “Where else does this pattern show up?” or “Who could you call upon for help here? Who is your biggest champion in this area?” Asking “why” questions can put people on the defensive, as it sounds like they are being asked to justify themselves.

Offer your expertise

“What can I do to help?” is a great coaching question, because it steers people towards defining the gaps they seek to bridge. Developing others involves seeking out opportunities to work and collaborate with people, so that each party can learn from the expertise of others.

Being a change catalyst

Relationship management, as an EQ competency, is often referred to as inducing desirable responses in others: making friends and influencing people, if you will. Acting as a change catalyst, the second component of relationship management I want to highlight, provides a great example of this ability. Rather than change for the sake of change, people who are change catalysts are keenly aware of complacency and stagnation, and seek improvement through productive change. The social and emotional intelligence that change catalysts possess helps them to connect others with the value of change, to get buy-in from various stakeholders, and to anticipate and overcome potential challenges to change. Collaboration and curiosity, qualities that show up in other EQ competencies as well, contribute to the change catalyst gathering support for change and not approaching change with an adversarial mindset.

Individuals low in this competency may resist or actively block change because it appears difficult or risky. Or, they may not recognize the need for change because the current conditions suit them, personally. Individuals high in this competency are actively on the lookout for ways to improve systems and circumstances, and are invested in gaining agreement for their impulse to change.

Accessing and bolstering your emotional intelligence, especially during times of rapid change and uncertainty, is no small task. In our current context of rapid change at the university, connecting with your ability to adapt to change and move it forward can play a crucial role in your level of satisfaction and success at work.

If you want to spend more time thinking about your emotional intelligence, you can access a free video course on EQ for academic teams through our professional development partner, Academic Impressions. You will be required to login to your Academic Impressions account to access these resources. If you do not have an account created, you can register with your U of A email address to become a member (for free!) and access the resources. The video course comes with informal assessment criteria for EQ, as well as exercises to work on individual skills within the EQ competency matrix. You can access that course here: https://www.academicimpressions.com/the-key-components-of-emotional-intelligence-for-academic-teams/

Stay tuned for upcoming development opportunities related to this and other topics on leadership and professional development. Subscribe to our PD newsletter for more information.