Mental Models: Know Yourself
Part 1: Understanding yourself is the key to understanding others.
At the heart of every mild disagreement, heated argument, or explosive dispute at work, home, and on social media lies a misalignment of the mental models of two or more people. In our professional lives, understanding how they influence and shape our behavior and those we work with can mean the difference between a harmonious workplace or a raging dumpster fire.
Mental Models are our personal, internal representations of external reality when interacting with the world. They are mental constructs unique to each individual based on our life experiences, perceptions, and understandings of the world. We use these mental models to reason, make decisions, and filter new information. Mental models help shape our behavior, affect our emotions, our ability to solve problems, influencing how we interact with and form relationships with others.
Maybe you’re already an inspiring orator with those around you hanging on every word like they’re at a TED Talk. Most likely, you’re one of the other 99.9% who struggles to express themselves clearly, be heard, and most importantly, be understood by colleagues when it matters most. I don’t mean the co-worker/friend you share complex ideas with using a few lines of poorly spelled Slack messages and emojis; I mean the challenging ones. These are the colleagues whose behavior truly confounds you, the ones you can’t agree with on any topic, the ones that try to turn everyone against your point of view. The key to understanding their behavior lies in understanding your own.
You are a unique individual; behind your behavior is a complex blend of genetics, age, gender identity, culture, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, educational background, religious beliefs, moral principles, personal experiences, and many other factors. These all influence your mental model, your perception of how you view yourself and the world around you. It’s never static, constantly evolving, and rarely consistent. Your mental model is hard to inspect because it’s part of you; you perceive it through a subjective lens. Your mental model is also the source of all your cognitive biases, both conscious and unconscious. Your cognitive biases act as a selective filter for what or who’s words you listen to, sways how you process the information, and affect your ability to comprehend the ideas communicated. Ultimately, these biases shape how you communicate and how effectively you can engage in meaningful and productive discourse.
Being aware of and consciously shaping your mental model is no simple task; it’s a life-long journey of self-discovery that many may never begin. Because your mental model is unique, there’s no pre-plotted course you follow with an end destination labeled “enlightenment” on a map. However, like wayfinding over land and sea, there are tools and techniques for exploring your mental model as you map the oceans, coasts, and terrain of who you are. It’ll be difficult and frustrating at times but approaching the process with the right attitude makes the journey easier. Developing your curiosity, patience, humility, and honesty is crucial to ensuring you don’t get lost along the way.
The basic process of wayfinding involves four stages:
- Orientation — determining your location relative to the desired destination.
- Decision — selecting a course of direction towards a chosen destination.
- Monitoring — verifying the route is heading towards the destination.
- Recognition — confirming you’ve reached your destination, then re-orienting towards the next.
Orientation consists of inspecting (observing and questioning) your behavior as objectively as possible. Specifically, how you speak with and respond to the different people you interact with and the reasoning behind your decisions. Ask yourself tough questions that would make you pale if someone were to ask them out loud. Create a list of questions for inspecting your behavior; here are just a few examples to start with:
- How do I classify and group people? How does it affect how I speak or listen to others when they’re conveying their ideas?
- Do I presume to know what a person means, or do I jump to conclusions or think about what to say before they finish speaking?
- How are past interactions with people affecting my present and future interactions with them? What horn/halo effects do I place on people?
- What motivates my decisions and my choice of words? Do I have ulterior motives, am I making assumptions about the person listening? What are they, and are they ethical?
Making a Decision involves choosing the first waypoint in your expansive mental model. Prioritizing what areas to explore is a deeply personal choice. Choose to focus on something that’s hindering your career or personal life. Or perhaps, the aspects of your mental model that are holding you back from further self-discovery. The sources of self-doubt or over-confidence that act as headwinds slowing your progress. Regardless of the waypoint you choose, deliberately focus on one area at a time.
Monitoring is taking the time to replay and reflect on the day’s interactions with people and the decisions you’ve made. Self-reflection allows you to verify whether you’re heading in the right direction, allowing you to make course corrections along the way. Self-awareness leads to better outcomes in your next interaction or decision. When your behavior in the area of focus becomes consistent, almost second nature, this is Recognition, signaling you to choose a new waypoint and repeat the process.
Your ability to gain a deeper understanding of your mental model and the cognitive biases they support allows you to see another person’s point of view more objectively. Greater self-awareness enables you to find more effective ways to communicate when conveying complex ideas or presenting a controversial point of view. Mastery of your mental model is also the foundation for knowing others in a genuine and meaningful way.
