Mental Models: Know Others
Part 2: How to truly see the people around you
Our brains can’t deal with the complexity of understanding other people with the same fidelity we know ourselves. We see the people closest to us with clarity, those furthest away - a fuzzy abstraction, and every degree in-between. Involuntarily, our minds organize people into groups to cope with “the others” that are “not us” occupying the same space and time. In our professional lives, this results in awkward conversations at best or a systemic lack of diversity, inclusion, and equity at its worst.
Our mental model supports a set of cognitive biases used to process information, your brain’s attempt to simplify the data it processes. Cognitive biases are not inherently evil; they often work as “rules of thumb” that help us make sense of the world and reach decisions with relative speed. For example, “leveling and sharpening” is a mental process that discards specific details and exaggerates others as essential things to remember, making them easier to recall later.
The real danger lies in our lack of awareness of how our mental models can categorize people in the same way we process information, prioritize tasks, and organize objects.
I’m not just talking about the big ones here; intentionally making generalizations about people based on their national origin or ancestry, religion, gender identity, disabilities, and other protected attributes is indeed insidious behavior. However, the inconspicuous mental shorthand we use to classify people also causes conflict, feelings of underappreciation, and daily microaggressions. These negative interactions stack up over time, causing rifts between individuals, teams, and large groups of people. They can also affect people’s careers, manifesting as hidden inequity that’s difficult to recognize and root out of an organization. Our cognitive biases kick in again here too. It’s hard to figure out, so we slap the “office politics” label on it and move on with our day, hoping someone in human resources figures out how to stem the bleeding caused by talent attrition.
Sadly, we’re all part of why these problems persist. Implicit social bias can sometimes masquerade as common cognitive bias. The term implicit social bias is our attitude towards people and the unintentional association of stereotypes to them. Let’s suppose we connect with several colleagues on Linkedin and mentally note what degrees they have (or don’t have). In collaborative group settings, we find ourselves agreeing with the views of one colleague over another, even in instances where the empirical evidence doesn’t support their position. We often use attributes to categorize people; role, title, level, job history, affiliations, tenure, standing within an organizational hierarchy, the list goes on. The mental process of social categorization is pervasive, our mind’s autonomic response to complex social structures.
Tribalism, understood as “groupness” or “group affiliation,” is rooted deeply in human psychology. These instincts are a result of our social evolution, driving our need to form groups for safety. Everyone seeks comfort and a sense of belonging from being with others who possess similar traits. This binding force is responsible for your lifelong group of friends, the fanbase of a local sports team, or an angry mob ready to commit violence. The same human instinct is behind the “office politics” you experience as people band together and rivalries form.
Though we’re all part of the problem, you can affect immediate change in the world around you. Leadership isn’t a promotion and a title; it’s picking up the torch and setting an example that others can follow. Show that you see people as individuals, evaluate ideas based on their merit and not who they belong to, challenge your assumptions, humbly admit when you’re wrong.
Inspect and actively seek to change the parts of your mental model that reinforce your implicit social biases. Two areas that impact your behavior when interacting with others are categorizing people and identifying with groups of people. Be aware of how they create a positive or negative bias when interacting with individuals or how they influence your decision-making. Examine your interactions with people and observe the assumptions you make when listening and talking to them. Are you able to objectively evaluate ideas without attaching assumptions about the person presenting them?
Implicit social biases take away a person’s opportunity to be fairly evaluated based on their work quality and contributions to your organization. Implicit social biases erode psychological safety and reduce everyone’s ability to show and commit themselves fully without fearing negative consequences. Contribute towards creating an environment where people feel comfortable speaking up, ask the challenging questions necessary to your company’s success, and suggest innovative ideas without being worried about rejection.
You don’t have to like everyone; the workplace doesn’t need to be completely free of disputes or friction. Diverse perspectives and healthy debate build innovative products and great companies, making complex human endeavors possible. It’s about you creating a space where the merit of the ideas themselves are at the center of the debate, not the people behind them. Building true social cohesion means creating relationships and a sense of solidarity among its members, regardless of their disagreements on any one topic.
