HOW TO IMPLEMENT BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR KIDS
Young children need your parental boundaries at every turn. As they mature, fewer parent-imposed boundaries are needed. Then when they enter adulthood, you fully release them, praying the healthy boundaries instilled at home will serve them for a lifetime.
Boundaries presented in positive terms are effective teaching tools to help your child avoid frustration, failure, and danger.
To Do or Not To Do
Express boundaries in terms of what to do and what is expected, rather than what not to do and what will not be tolerated. Children thrive and are confident when they understand what to do.
So, instead of saying, “Don’t open the door without knocking,” give positive instruction such as, “When a door is closed, knock before entering.” Change “Don’t tip back in your chair,” to “Keep all four legs of your chair on the floor.” (We shortened this phrase to “four on the floor.”) Instead of “Get your feet off the furniture,” say “Feet belong on the floor.” Remember, teach your child what to do.
Children have a built-in antenna for authenticity.
As a proactive parent, it’s vital for you to model staying within the boundaries — not only for your children’s sake, but also as a matter of integrity.
With children, more is caught than taught.
Can your child count on you to:
· Tell the truth when it’s inconvenient?
· Spend your money wisely?
· Control your temper? Your weight?
· Ask forgiveness when you’re wrong?
Be assured: You will either respect boundaries yourself and train your kids to respect them too, or your kids will train you when they realize that they will decide whether to obey you or not.
Count on your kids to test your resolve!
All the talking and teaching that parents can do cannot substitute for an actual experience. ~ Gloria Gaither
Will you accept excuses for bad behavior? Turn a blind eye or a deaf ear? Talk tough, but fail to act?
Children test boundaries to ensure they are secure. But when they test, your job is to be ready and lovingly hold firm.
Your unwillingness to excuse poor behavior communicates confidence in your child. It says, “I believe you are capable of doing what is right. You have it in you to display self-control. And I love you enough to accept nothing less.”
When children are secure in who they are — and whose they are — they are better equipped to make good decisions.
Practice Make Permanent
In the fast-paced society that surrounds our children, everyone is looking for quick, painless results. Yet we as parents know that much of success in life results from perseverance. ~ Patrick Kavanaugh
Often parents tell me, “Boundaries don’t work for my family. I tried that and my child still misbehaved.”
Of course. I expect nothing less. Children test boundaries to make certain the boundaries are authentic. My children needed to be confident that every time a boundary was breeched, the same consequences resulted. Calm, natural, and regular responses provided security. In the same way we can count on gravity no matter how often we test it, children thrive when they can count on healthy boundaries. Children rest in our boundaries when they know the boundaries are consistent.
The testing process lasts longer for some children than for others. Much of that has to do with their unique personality. And it’s all good. In a home that is safe, children are free to explore the world and their place in it. The key is for the parent to stay consistent.
In short, boundaries can be a parent’s most powerful parenting tool.
Let’s Talk
Do you think your kids are watching how you handle situations? Do you think they notice when you tell a “little white lie?” What are ways you can improve and respect boundaries for yourself?
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