Back to Work: Baby Edition
When I wrote Part 1 and Part 2 of “Navigating the Workplace after Maternity Leave," I was hoping to reach some women at these crossroads. I am overwhelmed by the love and feedback that some of the readers have shared with me.
A lot of you also reached out one-on-one, to ask a few questions that must have been weighing on your mind. I saw a few common themes, and that is where the idea for this post was born. I am sharing my perspective and experience in the context of working in India here.
Will going back to work mean I will miss out on the most important years of my baby’s life? Will it be unfair to the little one?
When motherhood happens, it suddenly becomes an all-consuming endeavor. In fact, before you realize it, most of your waking and breathing thoughts are about the baby. And when your work beckons back, it can be difficult to figure out what the best thing to do is.
If you are at a crossroads, trying to decide whether to go back to work or not post-maternity leave, I would highly recommend taking a break from your daily rhythm. Hand over the baby to another caregiver, and find a place where you can clear your mind and think things through.
I would say start by thinking about your top priorities for the next 3–5 years. There are no right or wrong choices here. This reflection will help you define which parts of your identity you want to focus on at this point. We are always a sum of many parts, and only you have the power to define which parts need focus at a given point in time. Once you decide your priorities, then the world will need to align to support those goals.
If your career is an important part of your identity, then the choices that support it are beyond judgment. At the end of the day, a baby needs a mom who is happy and present. If you think, you will be happier taking a break, do that. If you think you are happier when you are working, pursue your career. Your happiness is the key. When you show up as the best version of yourself, you can be the parent you want to be.
Personally, I realized I am a happier, more present, and more joyful mother when I have a full-time career.
If I go back to work, what kind of support can I expect from my organization?
In India, the Maternity Benefit (Amendment) Act 2017 issued Crèche guidelines in November 2018. The law mandates that employers ensure that they offer creche/childcare facilities to their employees.
Beyond these, you can ask for (and negotiate) certain types of support. I would recommend checking on the following:
- Flexible work arrangements: This is one of the important supports that an organization can offer to a returning mother. Some mothers prefer a phased return to work, others may prefer an extended work-from-home option, and others may want to start at a later date. You can ask for the form of flexibility that makes the transition back to work easier for you. Typically, these flexible options give the returning mother additional time to set up a support structure that works for her.
- Access to a mother’s room at the workplace: This becomes important if you want to pump at work. In case your office does not have a dedicated mother’s room, you can ask for their support to create one. A mother’s room needs to be a covered, private space with a plug point for you to plug in your pump. You may also need access to a refrigerator to store the pumped milk and the pump parts.
- Ergonomic Support at Work: Postpartum recovery can happen at different paces for different women. In case you are still experiencing pain, you can ask for ergonomic add-ons to your work station too
- Support Network for Young Parents: Some organizations run a dedicated employee resource group or employee wellness initiatives for new parents. These are typically housed under Human Resources or the diversity, equity, and inclusion (DE&I) ambit.
The key thing to remember here is that organizations can extend support to an extent that aligns with the prevalent culture. If you are asking for something that is beyond the norm, you may need to navigate and actively shape the culture conversation at work. You can find more tips on how to do it in this blog post.
Which is the best baby support structure: family, nanny, or daycare?
The optimal baby support structure is a unique choice that you will have to make based on your specific conditions. If I had to make a choice, I would pick the one that gave me the most peace of mind. It could mean, picking one of the three or doing a combination. When I was making the choice, I listed out a few questions that helped me decide the way forward. You could use these to structure your thoughts too.
Assuming you have all three caregiving options (family, nanny, or daycare) at your disposal, and have to make a choice,
- Who do you trust the most with keeping your baby safe, well-fed, and loved? The answer that comes to you instinctively is likely your top choice.
- How long can you go without checking in on the baby if that caregiver is in charge? I would say give brownie points to the one who gives you the highest sense of security.
- Who is most aligned with the way you want to do things for the baby? A lot of mothers are particular about their baby’s routine. From food choices to bath routines to the activities of the day, you will likely have some things that are non-negotiable. The big question is which of your caregiving options will uphold your non-negotiables in your absence.
- What happens if the caregiver is unavailable for a few hours or days? Do you have a backup in place? Irrespective of the option you pick, you can count on some downtime (sick days, unplanned holidays, etc.). Sometimes these may coincide with your work days too. Is there a backup that you can tap for these emergency situations?
Here’s my list of the downsides associated with each choice, and what you can do to mitigate them:
How would I manage my baby’s nutritional needs during the period I am at work?
I can imagine the weight of that question, especially if you have been breastfeeding during the day. If you are starting back at work when the baby is 6 months or older, it is slightly easier. You would likely start solids during the day, and that takes off some of the pressure.
My recommendation would be to pump and create a stash that can bridge the baby’s nutritional needs when you are out. I would say you could start power pumping at least a month before you start so that there is enough stash in the fridge to keep the guilt away. I had put together a detailed post about introducing solids, which you can check out here.
Typically, babies need about 1–1.5 ounces of milk for every hour of separation. With this thumb rule, you can estimate the expected daily consumption and create a stash accordingly. You can read more about power pumping here and about creating a stash here.
How do I prepare the baby for this transition?
Let me start by saying, it is significantly easier for babies to adapt to a new routine than it is for you as a mother. Babies live in the moment and will find ways to stay engaged, even when they are away from you. However, like any change with the baby, you would want to slowly set this in for them.
You could start by helping the baby embrace the concept of object permanence. When babies are young, they cry if they can't see you around them. It is because they don’t know when and if you will be back. So, you could start with small games like peek-a-boo to help the baby see that you may be gone for a moment, but will be back. Then you could expand it by talking to the baby from varying distances so that the baby can hear you, even if they can’t see you. You can further build on it by letting the baby play in one room while you are in another. The idea is to help the baby embrace the idea that Mommy is around even if I can't see her.
The next step would be to help them get comfortable with the alternate caregivers. Start by letting the baby be comfortable with the other caregivers in your presence. Once this happens, you could begin by staying away in small increments of time. Start with 15-minute increments initially and then steadily ramp up to the duration that you will need to be at work. Brief the alternate caregivers (if necessary) on the tasks that need to happen in your absence. This will help both you and the baby get comfortable with the new change in routine.
A lot of babies experience separation anxiety at about the 6-month mark. The best way to work through it would be to talk to the baby about it, say goodbye in full view, and then embrace them with a lot of heart when you are back. I recommend against slinking away because it can take away the sense of security that comes from knowing where my mom is.
As you step back into work, remember that your baby is resilient and adaptable. They will thrive with the love and care of a variety of people in their lives. Best of luck for the upcoming transition.
How do I prepare myself for this transition?
The return to work after maternity leave is an important event in your life. Through your maternity leave, your identity has expanded. While a part of you may want to get back to work as usual, there is nothing “usual” anymore. You will be setting up work expectations and boundaries from scratch. You will also learn how to integrate your work with your life. So be patient and kind to yourself.
I have put together a detailed guide for you, the mother, to transition back to work. It is a 2-part series, where Part 1 talks about what to expect when you are back at work, and Part 2 focuses on specific tactics that you can deploy to ease the transition.
