Navigating the workplace after maternity leave — Part 2
In Part 1 of this conversation, I spoke about the ambivalence women like you and me feel when coming back to work. So much has changed for us, and yet the world seems to go on as usual.
We spoke about the fact that this transition is not going to be easy, but that it is worth it (read more about it here). We also touched upon the idea that you have the power to shape how things eventually land. This article will dive into the “how” of things. We will talk about how to discover and leverage your agency as you transition back to work.
In fact, at one of Lean in Network Bangalore’s recent power chats, we spoke in detail about this transition and the unexpected surprises that may come along with it. Ruchi Tandon, a leadership and transformation coach, anchored this conversation for us and used a case study to get the conversation going. Let me share that case snippet here too
This case study is representative of a lot of similar stories that I have heard from women over the years. The “average rating” in this case is a placeholder. I have heard experiences ranging from a missed promotion, being put on a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan), feeling unsupported and wanting to quit or constantly being compared to others. These experiences can be deeply challenging and make you feel exposed and vulnerable. The return to work is not always easy, and the maternity penalty is real.
If you are at this juncture, I would recommend thinking about your company’s culture. Do you see a lot of women leaders with kids in your leadership levels? Does your team consciously make efforts to be inclusive? Have you seen women come back from maternity leave and thrive in your organization?
If you did not immediately say “yes” to the above questions, I would highly recommend reaching out to a coach to prepare for and work through this transition. In case you don't have anyone, check out the footnote at the end of this post.
Circling back to what we can do to navigate through this phase, Ruchi put together this succinct image with small yet impactful ideas:
Let me expand on some of the key themes here. We will start with the ground rules for what we can aim to do right:
- Acknowledge the Gap: You have been away for some amount of time, and business went on as usual. While the state of things may look the same, a lot may have changed underneath. Some of these changes may even be hard for your colleagues to articulate or put their fingers on. So, don’t assume that “nothing changed”.
If something comes up in a conversation that feels new, step in with curiosity and ask about it. Acknowledge your gap and ask someone for a summary, that can help you get up to date. You need to own your catch-up, so whether it happens formally or informally — make sure you figure out the undercurrents. - Communicate like a pro: As you prepare to return to work, it’s important to start afresh and establish clear expectations. Have an open dialogue with your supervisor, stakeholders, and team around deliverables, priorities, work hours, and any necessary changes to your work style. Setting boundaries and pacing yourself during this transition will help you strike a healthy balance between work, health, and life.
These initial conversations will also give you a sense of how your organization views your return.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for flexibility and support during this time. It can be hard to let go of the need to be perfect and in control at work, but this is a time to be kind to yourself. Give yourself the time you need to get back into the groove and allow others to help you along the way. As Alex Irvine said, “Overcommunicate. It’s better to tell someone something they already know than to not tell them something they needed to hear.” - Think like the org: An organization values two key things: outcomes, and its culture. When you stepped away for maternity leave, they made a stop-gap arrangement to work through it. As you come back, they are cautious about how you will integrate again. In India, almost 1 in 2 women move out of the organization within 6 months of coming back from maternity leave. The organization is also unsure if you will stick around, so they may be slightly hesitant to make a lot of adjustments and changes for you.
The key to navigating through these is to appreciate publicly the little things that the organization (or your team may be doing) to make it easier for you. What gets appreciated, amplifies. Be a culture champion, and talk about what they are doing right and how it helps everyone. Make sure your outcomes and your requests align with the bigger goal and find the right set of words to communicate it well. Killing it with kindness is the key to thriving in this new phase. - Bonus Tip — Fill your cup: This transition has thrown a lot of hurdles your way: mommy brain, imposter syndrome, guilt, and the list goes on. It may feel like you are drowning, and you don’t have the option to stop.
Here is me telling you — Pause, Take a moment to breathe, and appreciate yourself for being you. There are so many things on your plate, and you are doing your very best. The only way you can keep calm and find your stride back is to fill your cup.
Weave in moments of joy in your life — it could be as simple as taking an extra 5 minutes in the shower to collect yourself or listening to your favorite music. Do something that makes you happy every single day.
Boost your confidence- As you walk through this transition, set small goals and celebrate when you meet them. Find something to be truly grateful for every day. Put together a brag list consisting of all the amazing things you have done in your life, and read through that list when you feel low. You could also use affirmations to build your esteem. Appreciate yourself. All these little things will help you, fill your cup and find the strength to carry on.
Even after you do everything right, you may still experience the maternity penalty. Things may not go as planned, or your organization may not be as fair or supportive as you wish. It can be heartbreaking at that point, and that is where your poise comes into play. Here are our tips on “what not to do”
- Do not “accept” or go down the rabbit hole of “self-guilt”: Some of us (I included) grew up believing that the world is fair and that workplaces are meritocratic. So, when we experience the maternity penalty — it may feel like our fault (or punishment) for taking a break. The truth is there is a maternal bias that women experience, and your maternity break acted as a catalyst to bring it forth. You did not cause it, and you definitely are not responsible for it. So, if something feels unfair and keeps you up at night, let’s find a way to make it right.
- Do not use victim language to talk about the situation in your head (“why is this happening to me?”, “how could they do this to me?”, “no one knows how I feel” and so on). The way you talk to yourself will frame the way you respond to it. And for what it is worth, you are a fabulous woman who can figure things out.
- Don’t mope or whine around at the workplace: It is human to feel emotional about the turn of events, and it is completely okay to let it out through words or tears. The only rule is to do it in a place that is safe and empathetic. It could be in front of your partner, your friend, or even your coach. However, do not do it at your workplace or with work colleagues. Instead, channel this energy to shape your life.
What we can do as the dust settles, is to sit down and create a plan for the next few years. Remember the reflection exercise, I mentioned in the earlier piece? You could use that as your compass to make career and life decisions. Some of us may decide to take a career break, some of us may want to accelerate and push ahead, some of us may want to pivot to a new role or a new organization, and some of us may want to take a completely uncharted path.
Whatever you decide, is the best thing for you, your family, and your career. Your maternity leave is literally a small pause in decades of career (and life) journey that you are on. As Ruchi would say, “do not obsess over a local minimum, zoom out and look at the bigger picture”. Best of luck with your transition, and I hope you thrive and shine in your career.
If you would like to read about how to prepare the baby for the upcoming transition, here are my thoughts : https://medium.com/@psweta86/back-to-work-baby-edition-a2e1099f457f
Lean In Network Bangalore runs a pro-bono coaching program for women. In case you are looking for a coach to support you through this (or any other) transition, you may want to use this program. Drop a note to leaninbangalore@gmail.com to learn more.
If you would like to reach out directly to Ruchi for a coaching conversation, please feel free to DM her on Linkedin
Lean In Network Bangalore has a circle for mothers with careers called LIB Motherhood. In case the circle link did not work for you, please drop us a note on leaninbangalore@gmail.com
